Boys in Tutu's

Happy 2012!!

2012-01-01T02:18:00.000-05:00

Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

You know you're so totally over the hill when you go to bed at 11:45 on New Year's Eve. You also know your KIDS know you're too old, when they don't even BOTHER to come in 15 minutes later to wish you a Happy New Year. Nope, not even the 6 year old (although she might have fallen asleep- I came out at 2am and she's sprawled half off of the couch).

So, at 2:15am I am now wide awake (ill) and wishing it were 11:45 so I could just go to sleep, but alas. It isn't meant to be. SOOOO I decided to blog. About nothing. Well, not about NOTHING just what I just told you......(and cue the lights...fade out......hopefully)

So Watch Out 2012! Here come the Hepworths!!

Times they are a-changin'

2011-12-30T01:44:00.000-05:00

Well, that's me!! About 75 pounds less than 9 months ago. (I look so happy because I'm at the library using the internet and trying to figure out how to get my computer camera to work without the help of my 10 year old.) I don't know if I've ever posted a picture of myself on here (at least not on purpose) so I thought it time to do so. Speaking of time.....
Lot's of things seem to be changing around the Hepworth household lately:
Enoch- Enoch now has his student driver's license. Which basically means that Mom and Dad are daily praying for more patience. While at first he was driving too fast, now we're working on stopping slower, keeping both hands on the wheel, and doing more than one thing at a time (apparently, he tends to drift into oncoming lanes of traffic while going around curves because he's trying to make sure his dims are on. I've assured him that someone would rather be 'high-beamed' than in a head-on collision). He's also finishing up his college credits for two computer classes. He also received a 'cell-phone' of sorts. Think as basic as possible, make it a pay-as-you-go-and-as-long-as-your-work-is-done plan, no pics, no internet, and Mom has access to everything and everyone you call and text. Now you get a little better picture. He wrote out the rules loooong before we got him a phone, and we gave it to him for his 16th birthday. On the home homeschool front...well, let's not talk about that.....
Amelia- Well, she's stopped surpassing Enoch in height this year. I don't know if she cares very much, but I'm certain Enoch does! She started attending dances this year and usually ends up on the dance floor for at least SOME of the dances (thanks to Enoch and other friends). Her and Mom now share jewelry and some clothes (and in just a few more months, none of MY clothes OR HERS will ever be safe from each other AGAIN!! Good thing we have a lot of the same tastes). One thing she DID pass me up on was shoe size, however. She's also been babysitting for the neighbors, which has thrown Ava into a bit of a tailspin (having to give up HER Mimi to her best friend at times). Mimi's loving the cash, however.
Kate- or as she's changed it to: Kayte. She's still producing "The Messed-Up Bulletin" for the missionaries every Sunday. Has for a couple of years now. She takes the 'normal' Sunday bulletin (provided that we have one) and writes notes all over it from the speakers, then some other stuff, and gives a copy to the current set of missionaries every week. Some AWESOME missionaries tend to write messed-up ones back to her, which she saves. We're going to start photocopying them before she hands them over so we can keep a 'journal' of them. Some are pretty clever. I think this year Ka(y)te has discovered her niche in life- WRITING. She has done some very impressive things, and the more I read of her writing, the more encouraged I am that she won't have to spend the remainder of her life in therapy. To put all of her amazing talent to good use, we presented her with her own blog this year: www.katesdelirium.blogspot.com I hope she'll enjoy it. She was stumped for some starting topics, so I found a list for her; but, let's face it Like me, she'll learn that the everyday is the best place for the funniest stuff. Speaking of funny....
Aidan- I don't think Aidan had to be hospitalized ONCE this year, although he will have to go down to Indy early this year to help with his old tube site. After 2 1/2 years, his feeding tube site STILL looks horrible and nothing we or the doctors up here seem to do is helping it. We'll be seeing some DIFFERENT pediatric specialists that will hopefully be able to 'fix it'. He has become our engineer of the family. If something (particularly electronic) isn't working- he's our go-to guy. Scott couldn't even figure out how to hook up our old camcorder (which we lost the cord AND had no batteries to) to watch some of our old tapes on our tv, so we just set it aside. Lo and behold, later the next afternoon, Aidan has it hooked up to the tv and working like a charm!! He's got a lot of his Daddy in him. Now, if only Daddy would let him get a hold of his soldering iron!
Ava- probably the best thing that Ava has done this year is learn to READ!! But, unlike our others, she prefers reading cookbooks, craft books, paper books, how-to books. She's all about big bright pictures and lots of lists She LOVES reading lists. Typical Aspie. Speaking of her Asperger's- she still flaps, and while during the summer it seemed to explode in length and strength she also started adding facial tics We're grateful that the flapping has diminished quite a bit, but whenever she's concentrating on something, or even just doing something she enjoys, she'll make some strange faces and have repetitive movement in other parts of her body. While this would be EXTREMELY disruptive in a classroom sort of setting, I'm once again grateful for the opportunity we have to homeschool where it's not a problem. The REAL problem? The constant singing.....not to ME, of course, but to the other siblings in the house. (Hence, a VERY thoughtful set of parents purchased headphones for them for Christmas) She sings EVERYTHING ... ALL THE TIME. Just last night she asked me how people became 'singing people' on the radio. I gave her a very basic run-down, but her greatest concern was that she wanted to sing her OWN MADE-UP songs. Not what someone else tells her to sing. No problem, I told her. Then she asked about TV. I told her that they were all really computer-generated and real living humans couldn't be on tv or in the movies. I think that will hold her..at least for a few more years. (Yes sweetie, Justin Bieber IS a cyborg.)
Mom and Dad? Well, I'm losing weight (and my mind- all at the same time!) and trying to figure out homeschooling for the 5th year in a row (you'd think I'd have it by now..but, no I'm beginning to think I will NEVER have it. Or that there's nothing to have!) I'm the Young Women president of the Kendallville Branch and I just might go inactive if they ever call me away from that. I LOVE this calling and I LOVE the girls. (Here's a little funny: One of the boys one of the YW is/was dating was saying trashy icky inappropriate things, so I pulled him into the coat closet and threatened him. Just a little. Well....maybe a little more than a little. Bodily harm? Check. Death? Check. Calling his parents/bishop/stake president? Check. Make his life a living hell? Check. Haunting him? Check. Let's just say it contained a little of everything a good 'talking to' should. I can tell you one thing, though. THIS particular 'young man' will NEVER touch one of MY young women. Dad is still at I-Span where they're getting ready to move into an actual building!! This after the company saw one of it's worst years ever. We were grateful he was able to weather the storm and still has a job through it all. We are praying for the company to TAKE OFF!!! In a good way, of course. Scott's still the Scout Master and hasn't managed to kill, or be killed BY any of his boys yet (and if you knew some of these boys, you'd know what a miracle that was!). We're getting ready to finish our basement this spring (ASAP since it was supposed to be done TWO YEARS ago!!) and are taking ANY AND ALL volunteers. Our money will be tight, but we're hoping our friends will be plentiful!
Well, I'm not sure how often I'll update. We're dropping our current Internet Provider for being idiots (more on that later, perhaps), so we'll be on the Public Library Internet until we secure other means. I'm going to make a resolution to post AT LEAST ONCE every 10 days. In other words, to not EVER (this coming year '12) let MORE than 10 days go by without you hearing from us. HOWEVER, I get let off the hook for 1) vacations lasting longer than a week 2) hospitalizations lasting longer than 4 days or 3) laundry piled more than 8 feet high. Okay, maybe not #3. That's practically every week.

It's been great talking to you again. Keep checking in on Kayte, and give her some good encouragement. We love you all!

Time4Learning

2011-06-02T23:45:00.000-04:00

I've been avoiding my blog. Like the plague (in case you didn't notice). However, I was HORRIBLY surprised and dismayed when I found out I haven't posted since JANUARY!!!! Could that possibly be true?!! NO WAY. I am perplexed. And sorry. I will do better.

It's not going to be a long post, but I have to let you in on a little homeschool secret I have. I've been slacking BIG TIME in my efforts with Ava, but even with that she's FLYING through her K and most of her 1st grade workbooks (not to shabby for a 5 yr old). I can't take any of the credit, however. We signed up for this super-cheap trial of a program called Time4Learning.com It's absolutely amazing. It has just enough entertainment for her to actually think she's NOT doing schoolwork, but it's teaching her a TON. She BEGS to go on it, and I've even made it her 'reward' for when she gets her chores done and things like that. I had done it several years ago for the older three, the summer before we started homeschooling. They were addicted to it (especially the Lego Ergo Sum...which, unless you know this program will make no sense to you). It REALLY appealed to them on an older level, so I wasn't sure how well it would work for Ava. Like a charm. I REALLY REALLY advise anyone who has kids (home or public school) to think about doing this through the summer. It will keep their minds active, and they won't go back next year having to re-learn everything they lost during the summer. And hey, if you do, make sure you let them know I sent you. Use my name and my email: enochhepworth@yahoo.com I get a little sumpin' sumpin'. You know- share the love.

Take care, and I'll return MUCH sooner this time.

Sundae Lessons

2011-01-16T22:01:00.000-05:00

Enoch and Amelia: Spending two hours catching up on Seminary is much more fun when you get to eat a Sundae before doing so.

Kate: Black and White striped tights go with anything...and nothing.

Aidan: An ice cream "scoopful" can range from 1/4 tsp to 2 cupfulls. It all depends on who's doing the scooping.

Ava: It's always fun to have friends over. Even if they're not 'technically' yours.

Yesterday's Lessons

2011-01-16T15:00:00.000-05:00

Well, Since I was in bed all day (yes, ALL DAY. Can't wait for these back injections on Thursday) you would THINK I didn't learn anything from my kids. Alas, you are wrong my friend.

Enoch: A person can be very kind to someone they usually aren't. Especially when they're terribly sick.

Amelia: It's usually best to send a female to the store with a male when they go grocery shopping.

Katarina: When you are required to do the SAME THING EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE, it should eventually catch on.

Aidan: Being like your big brother is great, unless you're talking about the bad stuff, then it's time to go out on a limb and BE YOUR(kind)SELF.

Ava: Spooning is for EVERYONE!!

Today's Lessons

2011-01-15T00:16:00.000-05:00

Well, it's only been a million years since I've posted. I've decided that I would post MUCH MORE often (and probably much more humorous and entertaining) if I has some fancy schmancy cell phone I could do it from immediately. So, feel free to send your donations DIRECTLY to my house c/o ME. I will see what I can do. Until then....
People often (maybe not often enough) say "enjoy your kids", "they grow up too quickly", "you'll wish you had those years back". You know what? I think they are probably right. Despite the daily (minutely, secondly) trials we may go through with and for our offspring, each day holds something beautiful for us, and another lesson that we can learn from them. I'm secretly hoping there is also a lesson that my children learn from me each day. SO: Not as a 'New Year's Resolution', mostly because it's not January 1st, and also because if it was I would have to give it up within 3 days, but JUST BECAUSE I feel the need to keep track for them and me: I am going to try REALLY HARD to write down the lessons I learn from my kids each day. Or at least most days. Certainly better than I have done in the past. So, here goes:
What I learned from:
Enoch- Sometimes it really sucks to be the example.
Amelia- You don't always get a second chance, even if you didn't understand the rules. Therefore: Listen Carefully the first time. At the same time. Not everyone's good at the same things. Thank goodness. Kate- Yes. It is inevitable. You will grow out of your favorite shirt. Especially when you grow that fast. No, you CANNOT keep wearing it. Aidan- Just because you put like things together, does not mean they are put where they belong.
Ava- If you don't try the lima beans, you won't get dessert. Very few new things kill people.

The Dog Who Wanted to Die

2010-11-29T00:02:00.000-05:00

Are you SERIOUS?!!

Oh yes I am!!

Tonight, about 2 1/2 hours after I went to bed (stupidly thinking I would get in a good, FULL nights sleep). Moe starts digging around at his blankets, making this weird noises, and coming up to put his cold nose in my ear....CONSTANTLY! Finally, I got out of bed (after first making Scott get out of bed to see if he had food and water) and followed him....out to the middle of the living room. He just sat down, but he kept licking his..uh..lips? (if dogs have lips). I finally let him outside, and crawled back into bed. He stayed out for about 20 min (loading up on grass...you'll see why) and then barked to come in again. I let him in, and the same routine..this time WORSE, MUCH WORSE. I rolled over and told Scott that something was really wrong, and that I was taking my fan and going to lay out on the couch with him until I could figure out what was going on. I gathered my fan, my blanket, and my Moe and we curled up on our oversized chair. And then I realized what was going on. He was choking. He kept...uh...well, TRYING to upchuck something from his throat, but it wasn't working. He was breathing, but it was very shallow and he was having a hard time with it.

I immediately said a prayer (I figured Scott wouldn't be too excited to get up and give a dog a blessing...and something tells me his faith might have been doubting had I made him), and turned on the laptop. After what seemed like 8 hours of booting up, the internet finally came up (miracle in and of itself) and I looked up some information. I found instructions for trying to dislodge the 'object' (can' wait to see what it is...if I ever find out. Probably a barbie head.), then moved on to the Heimlich. You can't tell from this picture, but this dog is approx 8 feet long, give or take. It's pretty much a snake with short legs and hair. Needless to say, the Heimlich was quite the acrobatic act and amusing, I'm sure. I didn't receive any IMMEDIATE results, however, within the next 10 min he did barf up what looks like a truckload of oatmeal and grass. Twice. Unfortunately, that didn't do the trick. He wanted back outside (to reload), so I let him out again. He was out for another 15 min and he just came in again. He seemed to be acting fine, so I started shutting off lights again, when I look over and he's gagging all over again. Looks like it's going to be a long night.

I'll try and keep you updated.

My Baby Boy's Growing Up

2010-11-21T13:12:00.000-05:00

Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you

-Simon and Garfunkle "Bookends"

Happy 15th Birthday Enoch!

My whopping weight loss

2010-09-23T18:29:00.000-04:00

Whopping. That reminds me of whoppers. Yummm. Oh yeah, back to the topic. Weight loss. I've been walking for the past 4 1/2 weeks (minus the week I was in the hospital)- 2 miles each morning and at least 3 nights another 2 miles. I've been watching what I've eaten (my latest meds have actually made my stomache sick, so I've REALLY cut down on what we've been eating). We haven't eaten out at all, and my biggest splurge has been Flaxseed toast with strawberry jelly on it at 5:30 before I walk. And for all my hard sweat and effort- 5 CRAPPY POUNDS!! I guess it's better than 0 Crappy pounds, or even 4 crappy pounds, but I'm still very disappointed. I was REALLY hoping to be able to make my quota by November so I can use the money for Christmas (and who know HOW long it will take once they receive the doctor's to actually MAIL OUT the check). I'm totally bummed.

I'm Feeling A Bit Lighter Already...

2010-08-30T17:29:00.000-04:00

Okay, everyone remember that lovely ticket "situation" that happened a few months ago. Well, I finally decided I would put down the last of the three payments (first one to the tow company, second for the overdue tags, third for the actual ticket itself). What REALLY motivated me was a little card I received in the mail a week ago saying that my licence would be suspended beginning September 1st if I didn't cough up $154. If you noticed, I received that card a week ago. I took me this long to decide if I REEEEALLY wanted my license back. I was kind of looking forward to a "forced" break from being everyone's cabbie! I finally decided that it would just be entirely too cruel to Scott to take on all of the driving, and would break his bank account instead of his spirit, so I went and paid the ticket. Here is what I find tremendously humorous; They broke my ticket down into 16 DIFFERENT CATEGORIES of where the money was going to!! They ranged from $38.50 (for the "State Share") down to $.50 (for "Highway Worksite Fees")! And, just for the plain fun of it, let me share with you the other break-downs (and my interpretations thereof):

Automated Record Keeping Fee- $7.00; This is the cost for turning the computer on.
City/Town Share- $17.50; This is the amount that is split between the city councilmen depending on who wins the Fantasy Football League this season
County Share- $14.00; This is for the councilmen who don't play FFL- it goes straight towards their end-of-the-year "didn't get caught with a prostitute this year" party
Court Administration Fee- $5.00; This is for the lady who signed the receipt. She deserves a good lunch from McDonalds.
DNA Sample Processing Fee- $2.00; Either I have mothered children I am not aware of, or I am paying to figure out who fathered half the town of Butler.
Document Storage Fee- $2.00; Since hard copies are no longer kept, this would be an additional fee for pressing the POWER button on the computer. Or this cost goes towards purchasing their garbage bins.
Highway Worksite Fees- $.50; This amount is quite reflective in how well they take care of the Highways and those who work on them.
Infraction Judgements- $14.50; This is the ACTUAL PENALTY for me being late on my tags.
Judicial Insurance Adjustment Fee- $1.00; This is to help offset the hike in the courts insurance fees when they realized how many of them actually drink and drive.
Judicial Salaries Fee- City- $4.50; This is the portion of the city judges salary I promised to pay by breaking the law. Apparently if we all obeyed the laws, our judges would never get paid.
Judicial Salaries Fee- State- $13.50; Same as above, the State judges just think more highly of themselves.
Jury Fee- $2.00; The amount I pay to help hardened criminals get off scott-free because most of the jury is composed of people who think this is "good money"
Late Payment Fee- $25.00; The amount of money I had to pay because I didn't have enough money to pay to get my tags renewed, which then cost me extra money in towing fees, which meant taking food out of my children's mouths and straight into the...
Law Enforcement Continuing Education- $4.00; Because it's not enough just to know your ABC's anymore, now they want them to know which end of the gun to point at a suspect. (This money actually helps to offset the cover charge of the officers to get into all of the off-campus parties).
Public Defense Administration Fee- $3.00; This purchases gum for the Public Defenders to chomp on while the judge pounds out "GUILTY" for their clients.
State Share- $38.50; If I'm reading this correctly, they should be handing some of this BACK to me...it does say SHARE after all.

And there it is. All $154 broken down. Sad, isn't it?

The Weight-Loss Battle Continues...

2010-08-26T22:57:00.000-04:00

Well, you are probably wondering how my weight-loss "strategy" is going (that is if your life is sooo exciting that you feel you really NEED to follow mine). Well, the first day I did pretty good. I had myself a bunch of oatmeal, with a little sugar.....and maybe a little cocoa....and perhaps some milk and butter. Okay, perhaps my oatmeal was in the form of no-bake cookies (better known as "doo-doo cookies" at our house). But oatmeal's oatmeal, right? I haven't been keeping track of ANYTHING I eat, so that part is going pretty crappy, BUTT (and that's still a big butt if you noticed) I have been walking every morning at 6am (7am on Wed)(oh, and not at all on Monday, Saturday and Sunday). Okay, so now that I type it out it doesn't sound quite as impressive as it actually FEELS. AND I even went for an evening walk on Wednesday night- granted when I went to walk on Thursday morning, I was pretty sure that there was a miniature pirate strapped to each calf stabbing me with a sword the entire time, so our 40 min walk turned into a 20 min walk and a 20 min nap in the van. I went on a walk again tonight with Aidan, Kate and Ava. I'm hoping for LESS pain tomorrow morning....eventually, I reason, my body will stop rejecting my pathetic attempts at excercise and just work with me. We shall see.

By the way, our new kittens caught (and presented us with) a shrew this morning. Did you know that a shrew's heart beats approx 800 times a minute!! Their metabolism works SO fast that they will die of starvation if they haven't eaten for ten hours. I'm feeling very shrewish lately. If only my body would metabolize my food that fast!!

What would YOU do for $500?

2010-08-16T01:17:00.000-04:00

I signed up through my health insurance for a program that would GIVE me $500 if I lost 10% of my body weight, and an additional $1000 if I kept if off for a year. Does being overweight PAY? I guess in this case it LITERALLY does. How could I NOT go for this one. I'm already dreaming up what I'll use the money for....a new bed, a used bedroom set, Propane to keep our heat on for the winter...Of course I'm daydreaming about all of this while eating poached eggs at 1 o'clock in the morning. Why am I eating poached eggs? Because there is no ice cream and someone ate all the Doo-doo cookies Scott made this afternoon. Great start, eh?

I went to my Physicians office who told me that it would be totally easy (said by someone who has never battled a weight problem themselves). All I needed to do was keep track of everything I eat, then figure out the calories and keep it to under 1200 a day (I think that's right...well, either 120, 1200 or 120000...one of those), and excercise more (or in my case, excercise). Well, gee doc...why didn't you tell me that 100 lbs and 5 kids ago?! Of course, the fact that I have to figure in my 12 meds, including a steroid, miiiight add a little to the issue, but let's face it, I was looooong gone before the steroid ever came into play.

So, here's my plan. Enoch and Amelia start Seminary on the 24th. I plan on driving them to Seminary, walking with a friend of mine from 6-7am, then coming home. I'm hoping that I'll be able to hit the YMCA a couple of days a week as well. I'm REALLY hoping that I start to ENJOY the feeling of being fit and losing weight and really go to town on this. I just hope that I recognize that feeling when I get it. I'm not sure it's ever been with me before. As for writing down everything I eat, that sounds like a great idea...in theory....in REALITY I'm lucky if I can get my kids schoolwork graded. Of course, then there's having to find a pencil (that has lead) or a pen (that works) or a crayon, and something to write on (other than their homework...."Mom, why does my math homework say 2 gallons of ice cream?"..."uhhhh. Oh, I was .... uh, going to write you a story problem...."

I'll try to keep you posted and up-to-date on how this is going. Everyone and their brother (just about literally) has enough tips and information they want to share with me. I'm just hoping to get up on time the morning of the 24th!

THIS is what I've waited for?

2010-08-12T16:11:00.001-04:00

I CAN'T FIGURE THIS NEW BLOG THING OUT!!!! AaarrrGGggghhHHHH!!!!!

Okay, so perhaps I'm just a taaaaad frustrated today. We finally have our internet "working" for the first time in around 4-6 weeks (we'll see if that really continues). THEN, I finally get on here to update my blog, and everythings.....well....MESSED UP!!! And I KNOW it wasn't me, 'cause I haven't even been in here for weeks. I'd blame it on the kids, who make a mess of everything else, but I don't think they even know how to get onto it...so that leaves me to believe that the lovely "blogspot" has decided to 'tweak' things up to make them "better". Okay, well in my uninformed condition, "better" officially sucks.

Okay, so that isn't even the power behind the angry frustration I've felt today, just another 'fly in the ointment' (which is a completely DISGUSTING phrase, by the way, and I don't even know if I'm using it correctly). Here is the main reason:

Doctors. 'nuff said.

Right, like I could leave it there. Well: I finally returned to our "million dollar question/answer guy" the NEPHROLOGIST. This is who we have waited a year and dozens upon dozens of tests for, to give us a qualitative answer to 'Where the heck are all of these kidney stones coming from and How do we stop them'. Are you ready for the million dollar answer (as if you couldn't guess by now): His response (quoted) "Humprh. Would you look at that. Everything looks normal, in fact BETTER than normal. Well....I wasn't really expecting that." Really? I was. Okay, maybe not for certain, but it fits in with the way most of the other doctor's appointments go....and I could've told you that for about $25,000 cheaper. He types on his computer for the next 8 hours...clickety-clack...clack...clack...clicket- clickety-clickety-clack....."Hrmph. Yep, there's your graph." Thanks for showing me that, doc...as if I can make heads or tails of it....wait, yes, now I see....the lines are forming words....t.h..i..s....d..o..c..t.o..r....i.s....a..."As you can see," yes, I see clearly now..."everything looks just fine. Well, I'm going to put you on this medicine anyway. I was going to put you on it if your cratamakglfoikin counts were high, but they're just great. Perfect, in fact. But, let's go ahead and try this medication out anyway and see if it gets rid of any stones (oh yeah, and I'm getting a HUUUUGE vacation from the drug company for pushing this particular medication). When would you like to come back?" How about the day after Hell freezes over, doc? Or when I feel like flushing another $25 bucks down the toilet......or perhaps when I feel like the 12 drugs a day that I'm taking are CLEARLY not enough for me, in fact, I ENJOY spending more on my meds each month than my family's entire grocery bill. "3 months okay? Go ahead and get some more blood work and another round of KUB's and sonogram before your next appointment. Then we'll see where we're at." I know exactly where I'll be. On the brink of insanity, glowing from radiation, where I've been for a while now....

The fourth time is just as charming

2010-07-13T04:24:00.001-04:00

Well, our not-so-little girl just had her hair cut for the FOURTH time for locks of love. She has now donated over 52 inches of her beautiful curly red hair. She's suffering a little more from this one, but I don't think EITHER of us will miss the morning detangling issue- matts, ratts and all!

Ava saw how pampered Kate was getting and wanted to know when SHE would get to sit in one of 'those' chairs. (poor deprived child has always had Mom or Grandma cut her hair- at home! **collective gasp**) I told her that if she let her hair grow out until it was long enough, she could donate her hair to locks of love (because I'm certainly not going to shell out $35 for a haircut that I can do for free).

Hope you enjoy the pictures. She's beautiful inside and out.

(The pictures show the before and after of cuts # 1, 3, and 4. We only have an after of cut #2 (forgot to bring the camera! oops!)

How Joey turned into 4 Girls

2010-07-10T03:22:00.000-04:00

Well, Scott and I knew this time was coming. I guess we just didn't prepare for it well enough.

Enoch came home from either church or Wednesday night activity and went right to work cleaning up his room, doing his Zone chores, being NICE...so, obviously, I realize he wants something. Turns out Joey invited him to see a movie this weekend, Friday to be exact. I told him I didn't mind as long as his chores were done and his talk was written for Sunday (he's speaking in Sacrament Meeting on the Atonement). Friday night rolled around, and everything was up to snuff...even snuffier than I required. So, after dinner I logged on to facebook, as I usually do, and see that there's another young lady from our church that's looking forward to going to the movies, as well. Coincident? I think NOT. I asked her where and what time, and of course, it's the same time and place that Enoch is going.

I turn to Enoch.."So, who's all going to see this movie?"

Enoch..."Ummmm..Joey just invited me....and (seeing who I'm talking to on facebook) maybe some other "kids" from church" --no eye contact, btw

Me: "And who would these other "people" be?"

Enoch: shifting from foot to foot...(y'know the pee-pee dance way)

Me: "How about ***** and *****" (some girls he may or may not have a crush on, names will remain nameless)

Enoch: "Oh, yeah. Well, uh, I guess...maybe....I don't exactly know who Joey invited."

Me: "Why don't you get on that little thing over there we call the telephone and find out who will all be there."

Enoch: "Uhhhh...do you have Joey's cell phone number" ....as if....

Me: "nope, but here's his Dad's cell phone, give him a call. Daddy and I decided that for this not to be a 'date' of any kind, there must be an adult present."

Enoch: "oooh. uhhhh. okay. ummmmmmm.."

Enoch finally got ahold of Joey, who informed him that his Dad, would indeed, be joining them. Good thing, too. Turns out that 'going to the movies with Joey' was 'going to the movies with 4 girls...oh yeah..and Joey'.

If this wouldn't have been such an amusing exchange (with Kate cheering Enoch on the whole time), I would have been more angry at him for purposely misleading us. As it turns out, it's just more fuel for my blogging fire.

2010-07-08T16:05:00.002-04:00

Sodom and Gomorrah Towing Service

2010-06-08T16:23:00.002-04:00

Well, we raided the "Wyoming Vacation" penny jar to get our poor van out of hock. (At this rate, poor Scott will never get to enjoy a family vacation in Yellowstone.)

Sean (Star's fiancee) and I went to pick up my little white van from the tow service the kind police officer referred to as: "honest" and "has a great reputation". I will kindly refer to them hereafter as "Sodom and Gomorrah Towing).

As the "Guy" is writing out my paperwork, he's telling us about a time he was leaving a bar and his tags had expired, "Now, THAT'S not a time you want to be pulled over- Ha! Ha!"...okay, there goes the honest part...then I hand him the money in nothing but $5's and $1's and apologized telling him that we had to raid the penny jar. He tells us, "That's okay, I had a girl come in and pay a $245 fine in mostly dollar bills- you know what she does for a living!" My blank stare must have clued him in to the fact that I, indeed, had no idea what he was talking about. "You know, she was a waitress..." okay, that made sense to me..."One of those SPECIAL waitresses! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah, I recognized her!" I'll bet you did. A good portion of those dollar bills were probably even yours. So, that shot the whole "reputation" down the drain as well. Not that he didn't have a reputation, mind you, just not a "great" one.

So, that's the icing on the cake. I have no doubt that some of those dollar bills end up back in the hands of my very 'sorry' policeman. Who now looks even sorrier than ever!

A Sorry Policeman

2010-06-07T17:25:00.002-04:00

Could the day have been worse? Yes. But it was bad enough. Got pulled over because our tags are 9 days overdue. The nice policeman told me he was 'sorry', but they would have to impound the car. (Of course this is happening right after one doctor's appointment, and right on the way to a second one). As soon as he mentioned 'impound' I started to cry. "Oh, don't cry ma'am. I'm really sorry about this. It's not that bad." Of course, as soon as Kate heard I was crying, she started her waterworks and Enoch's all tearing up- I'm sure we're quite the motley crew. When the policeman went back to his car Enoch reached over (he was in the front seat next to me) and embraced me in a wonderful sincere hug! He even patted my back, and held on! Not one of those 'quicky hugs' I get at bedtime! (Almost made the entire day worth it-just for that show of affection from my 14 yr old tough guy) The policeman came back, and since this was only a few blocks from the BMV I asked if the kids and I could go over to the BMV to renew the tags. Gratefully, he said 'yes'. So we trudge over to the BMV (if he was REALLY sorry he should have given us a ride) only to find it...CLOSED on MONDAY. We call Daddy to tell him to meet us at the van. While walking back I realize- SCOTT'S TAGS HAVE EXPIRED AS WELL!! I'm pretty certain the policeman would be equally 'sorry' to have to impound his car as well. Luckily, I cut him off in the parking lot and warned him. So, instead of just tags, now we get to pay $165 for a ticket, impound fee and towing fee (which we'll find out as soon as we can afford to pay the 1-tags for both vehicles, 2-impound/tow fee, & 3-$165 ticket). Of course it comes during a month where we have to pay for 2 camps, gas for temple trip and youth conference, and various other expenses. Oh, and to boot, this prevents me from selling my used books at tomorrow's book sale (hoping to use the proceeds for the previous). Calgon?

Overheard Remarks

2010-06-04T00:51:00.003-04:00

If you were in the Dupont Rd Goodwill store today, this is what you might have overheard in one of the dressing rooms:

(K)ate: I don't know. It doesn't look very immodest.

(A)melia: Yeah, it covers too much. Let's try that one on, it looks a lot trampier.

(M)om/Me: Your right, I think it's tight enough, but it covers waaaay too much. Try this on, it looks pretty sleazy.

K: That's pretty good- she's popping out of the top of it.

M: Yeah, but I don't think it's short enough, look- it almost comes to her knees. Try this other one on. It's all lacey and doesn't have a back on it. Let me run out and see if I can find some really inappropriate swimsuits that won't fit you.

A: This might work, it's really tight and looks REALLY unattractive. Grandpa would die if he even saw this hanging on the hanger.

K: Yeah, but it's not very flashy. Look, there aren't even any sequins or glitter or lace or anything really good.

M: Okay, I'm back. I found these two bikini tops and these little...I think they're skirts...or maybe hankies, I'm not sure...but you can wear them as a really immodest skirt...it should look good.

M: How about this one?

K and M: Naaaah.

M: That's immodest, but but you could almost wear a shirt under it and no one would even notice how sleazy it was. Here Kate, go hang these back up.

K: I'm not TOUCHING those things. What if someone sees me holding them? There are BOYS out there, you know. What if the Stake President were out there?

A: Just tell him that these clothes weren't immodest enough for camp, and we're trying to 'raise the bar' along with the hemline! Or maybe "raise the bar, lower the neckline" something like that.

M: Here, you picked this one out. Velvety stretchy material- very eye-catching *CHECK*....VEEERRRRRY short skirt *CHECK......Extreeemly low cut *CHECK*....waaay to tight to breathe in *CHECK.....Hey!! It's even backless!! A BONUS CHECK!! I think we've found ourselves a winner girls!!!

K: I really don't have to hang these back up again, do I?

Here's the 'behind the story' story:

For our skit for girls camp this year, Amelia is going to be portraying someone with 'less than ideal' worldly standards. She will be wearing her bright salmon colored camp shirt and jeans on UNDER this very immodest dress. The girls had a blast shopping for "immodest" clothes as a way to make fun of the worldly styles. Kate, as you could tell, couldn't even handle the 'appearance' of evil.

I'll try to post the camp skit at the end of this month! (and a picture of the "notoriously sleazy outfit" (which will end up in our burn barrel at the end of camp.

Some Crappy Dough

2010-05-27T19:18:00.003-04:00

Last year (right before Christmas time) we decided to make some of our favorite "Christmas Cookies"- Pfefferneuse or Peppernuts. We put a bunch of dough, roll them out snake-style and chop off little pieces. They turn out like little mini marshmellow sized cookies that you pop in your mouth by the handful. Well, we had apparently been sniffing the pepper in the dough too long, because the dough started to change appearance..to us at least. That's when Enoch sculpted the 'pile' you see in the above picture. Daddy wasn't home yet, and knowing what a "fan" (NOT) he is of dogs anyway, we decided to play a practical joke on him. Enoch took his giant sculpted mound of dog poop and placed it carefully on Daddy's pillow. Oh, yes, his pillow. We put some cleaner with a bunch of wadded up paper towels all around so it looked liked the kids had tried cleaning it. Then we (impatiently) waitied- Kate poised behind the dirty laundry basket ready to videotape. Unfortunately, all of us awaiting Daddy's arrival and his huge welcome home (along with Ava trying to tug him into the bedroom) kind of gave us away. But, it was a fun evening nonetheless!

Boredom at our house is NEVER an option!

Army of Helaman

2010-05-20T17:56:00.002-04:00

Asked all the youth to pose with their muscles for a bulletin board we're doing this month. My stick fragment of a son gets up there and strikes a pose. He must be a leftover from the Army of Helaman with those muscles!! That must be to fight the girls off with.

All Sticky Clean

2010-05-08T18:25:00.003-04:00

As we were driving home after a long afternoon, Ava was enjoying her happy meal, eating ferociously because she can't play with the Barbie toy until after she has finished. She finally finishes, but apparently her hands were too dirty to play with the nice new toy so she asks if I have a napkin. I pass her back a napkin and she says "Nooo. A WET one. To clean my hands off with." "Sorry, sweetie," I replied, "all we have are these napkins." "Oh. Well, that's okay." she kindly responds. Seconds later I hear a dripping sound and turn to witness my daughter pulling her entire napkin out of her chocolate milk container and WASHING HER HANDS WITH IT!!!" "WHAT"?!!" I yell, "You can't DO THAT!!" "Why not?" she innocently asks, continuing to thoroughly (and I mean THOROUGHLY) wash her hands- front, back, even between her fingers. "It's wet." she says. "It's CHOCOLATE MILK!!" I continue. "So?" she answers. "You need CLEAN W-A-T-E-R to wash your hands off with!!" What kind of idiots am I raising here? "Oh. Okay." she quickly replies, and licks her hands off. Oh yeah. Just another day.

"Amazing Grace" Part duex

2010-05-08T18:10:00.003-04:00

Since I can't remember where I left off, and I'm too lazy to open another window, open another blog, and check...we'll just jump forward a bit.

We all had tickets to see Tim Hawkins perform that night (absolutely HILARIOUS- check him out on youtube!), and we ended up meeting there about an hour and a half before the show was to begin. Enoch asked if he could go wandering around, and I said that it would be fine. Actually, I had an ulterior motive. Enoch had been dressing fancy, showering each morning, putting on new socks and...other stuff, wearing deoderant...you know. Stuff you always ask and dream of a teen-age boy doing, but never actually SEE done. So, I had plans to go through his bookbag. As soon as he was out of sight, I pillaged away. I took out his notebook and flipped through-nothing, then I started unzipping pockets, and here is what I find: a toothbrush, toothpaste, a comb, deoderant, and there might have been a little bottle of cologne in there. Of course, I knew immediately what was up. As soon as Enoch returned I asked, "What's her name?" He just gave me that goofy "I'm lying" grin and said "What?". I said, "I just looked through your backpack and your 'clean routine' coupled with a backpack full of hygeine potions totally gives you away. What's her name?" "I don't know what you're talking about" he says with the same lying grin on his face. "What's she wearing?" Kate asks. "Yesterday or today?" he immediately responds. Busted. Turns out her name is Grace (thanks to a nosy little sister who went up and asked her), and I will forever thank her for turning my young man onto the sweet-smelling road of proper hygeine.

The Third Time's a CHARM

2010-05-01T13:09:00.003-04:00

Can you believe this?!! I was able to talk to Elder Petmecky this morning!! He CALLED ME!! We talked about our families (they have 5 kids and HOMESCHOOL ALSO!!), and about some of the other missionaries. He mentioned that he had seen Elder Winterholler's phone number online, so when we were done talking I tried to look him up. I was able to find a phone number for a Jody Winterholler (his name), but the number was disconnected. I called information and left messages with two other people in the same small town of Gillette, WY asking if they were related to please give me a call back.

Have I mentioned how much I love this gospel!?!

ANOTHER ONE!!

2010-04-30T20:57:00.002-04:00

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!! I've searched for YEARS, and now I've found TWO IN ONE NIGHT!!!! I am SO BLESSED!! This is a picture of our dear Elder Borrego!!! He's at work, but we hope to hear from him soon!!! I LOVE THIS GOSPEL!!

MY ELDER NIEMANN

2010-04-30T20:12:00.002-04:00

My search for one has ENDED and a new friendship is about to BEGIN!!!

For years I have searched for the missionaries who brought the gospel into our lives. Way back (in the caveman days) Elder Niemann, Elder Petmeckay, Elder Berrego, and Elder Winterholler came into our home and left a eternal lifetime of blessings. I have searched high and low, and finally found Elder Niemann!! The kids and I were digging through buckets (a favorite past-time) and came across a stack of photo's that included a wedding invitation to Janet Hales and Aaron B. Niemann's reception, a pre-missionary picture of him (with the inscription on the back reading: "This is me 5 days before coming on my mission. I had my hair wet and if fell all over. I was trying to look like a missionary. I'm 19 years old here."- see above photograph), and a picture of Elder Niemann with his beautiful wife and new baby girl. All of these were held together with one of his old missionary tags. Taking a time-out, we went into the computer room to see if we could look him or his family up on facebook. We found some generic non-photo possibilities, but it wasn't looking very promising. I then tried 'Google-ing' his full name, and lo-and-behold, up comes his name with a Utah address and phone number. By this time the girls and I are wiggling with anticipation and excitement as I quickly dialed up the number. As the phone was ringing a million thoughts ran through my mind: what if he isn't alive anymore?, what if he completely apostisized from the church?...Just then a woman answered the phone, "Hello".....oh man, what am I doing? "Uhhh. Is Aaron Niemann there?"...."No, he's not."....what am I DOING? "Uhhhh...Is his wife named Janet?"...oh CRAP! What if he's divorced, or widowed?...What if I have the wrong number?...."Yes, it is."....could this possibly be????..."Uhhhh....Could I talk to her?"....really?....REALLY? YES!!!! REALLY!!! Janet and I talked and tears were in my eyes. I couldn't believe I finally found him! Unfortunately he was still at work, but my kids and I are sitting on top of the phone, waiting for his call.

I just love apple seeds.

Saved by 'Amazing Grace'

2010-04-27T16:12:00.005-04:00

"I am not dead, nor doth I sleep"...okay, well I do sleep a lot, but that has nothing to do with my blogging abscence. That's mostly due to health problems and having no internet (which constitutes a pain in the butt, so maybe I should just group it all together with health issues).

I won't bother to update you with the last....well, 6, 8 months? Something like that. I won't bother, because, quite frankly, I don't remember most of it, BUT I DO remember last month!:

The first weekend of April was our Midwest Homeschool Conference in Cincinnati, Ohio. My best friends and I have gone the last couple of years by ourselves- and had a BLAST!! Very inspiring, nice break away from the family, TONS of curriculum to look over, and so on and so forth. Well, this year we decided to take the entire family (Christy and her family were going as well). The fact that they had childcare for both Ava and Aidan for both days, a full Teen-Track for the older three, and a performance by Tim Hawkins on Friday helped convince us this might be worth the whole gang piling in. I must admit, in the beginning I was kind of hoping that they would all hate it and not want to go back, then my 'girlfriend only vacation' would be saved. Only time would tell, I figured.

We stayed at the LivInn Suites, which was about a 15 min drive from the Duke Energy Center (where the conference was being held), but the cost was MUCH more affordable than anything close to it (even with parking figured in). I had everyone's schedule figured out (no, I didn't consult them) and gave them their list of classes they were supposed to attend along with a new notebook and pencil to take notes (yeah..right.) Scott and I were splitting up so we could attend all the speakers we wanted to. The above picture of the crowds give the slightest idea of what we were dealing with. The first year we went, there were about 3,500 people attending (that was just 2 years ago). This year the numbers almost reached 14,000. Oh yeah, that's A LOT of denim jumpers. They had no map of the rooms, so we meandered aimlessly until we found our places. We DID finally manage to meet up at lunch, where the kids were SO EXCITED to share about their classes. Their notebooks were FILLED WITH NOTES!!! Kate had brought her digital recorder she received for her birthday, and was taping all the sessions they went to. Scott had found some WONDERFUL classes/speakers as well. I was gob-smacked, as they say....somewhere. They took off right after lunch (they even forgot to take my very specific schedule with them-imagine that!) We got home late that night, exhausted, but elated. The next morning, the family was up and ready to go before 7 am!! Unfortunately, I felt like a big giant cat yack, so I stayed at the hotel until lunch, when they came back and picked me up. The second day was just as good as the first. Ava and Aidan couldn't stop talking about how fun 'Star Patrol' (heaven forbid we use the words child care) was and were running to get back. Once we arrived inside, the kids just took off like a rocket. No discussion of where we were supposed to meet when...nothing....just....gone. I tossed my carefully planned agendas in the nearest trash can. ....Stay Tuned for Part II.....

The Birds and the Bees....and Ava

2009-11-15T22:36:00.003-05:00

While watching Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur's, a scene comes up where two "long necked" dinosaurs wrap their necks around each other to make a heart shape. Ava saw that and said "Aww! Look! They're making love!!"

Guess I don't have to give her "the talk" after all!

Homeschooling Mom Answers Honestly

2009-11-06T18:53:00.003-05:00

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List
by Deborah Markus

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, (don't say anything at all!)

NEEDING SOME HELP

2009-10-23T19:56:00.003-04:00

Okay, as if that isn't COMPLETELY obvious. This is about something other than my mental state, however.

I've spent 12 years with this thought/drive/idea pounding away in my brain, and after all the "where are we going to be living next month" has fizzled away (after 10 short years) and we have our own place- I'm ready to get this plan off the ground. Just don't know where to go next.

For the past 10 years we've lived with most of our stuff in storage, so we kept buying clothes that we probably already had (but couldn't get to because they were in storage). Needless to say, we have a TON of kids clothes. And this is AFTER having sorted through them 10-15 times. I've saved the nicest ones hoping to open a "Foster Closet". A place where parents who receive a child/children at the spur of the moment or in the middle of the night, can come and find some clothing that will tide them over until they are able to get the money to purchase them something. I also wanted a place where they could borrow things like: high chairs, car seats, playpens, etc. so they wouldn't have to use their own money for a child that might stay a day, or might stay a year. I have longed to be a foster parent, but that just isn't in the cards for us yet. We are hoping that the Lord will prepare the way for us so that we can share our home, until then, I will do all that I can.

I have no idea how I would go about starting a not-for profit group, of if that's what this is really called. A great friend of mine is helping and has the same sincere drive I have. She has been blessed to be a foster parent and I have seen her, as well as other friends, struggle to find clothes at the last minute. There have even been children that come to homes that have to have all of their clothing and belonging they brought with them burned because of the meth and other drugs that have so permeated their clothing. This is NOT a child's fault, and they should NOT have to wear ill-fitting, holey, stained, old-fasioned clothes just because their parents lack commen sense.

Please help me find a way to make this possible. Pass this on to whoever you may know who might know someone to help. I am merely an instrument in the hands of the Lord, but I am not enough. I need someone to share in my passion that has some idea of what I need to do next.

God bless, and feel free to contact me through e-mail as well.

Sincerely,

Tanya
sthepworth@yahoo.com

Keeper of the Spork

2009-10-15T18:38:00.003-04:00

Overheard at Grandma's house (apparently there are different rules while on vacation):

Aidan: Kate you have to sit at the little table!

Kate: Why?

Aidan: Because I have the spork!

Kate: I don't want to sit at the little table!

Aidan: Well, when I have the spork you have to sit at the little table. And I have the spork.

Kate: What?!

Aidan: Everyone knows when I have the spork you have to sit at the little table. And you know what I have? THE SPORK!

huh?

On being over-protective

2009-10-02T02:35:00.002-04:00

I keep ending up in this same conversation with several of my friends when the topic inevitably rolls around to my homeschooling my kids. "Well, don't you think you're being over-protective. They need to be exposed to other kids, their different language, values, beliefs, etc. You must not believe that you've actually INSTILLED those values you talk so much about, if you're not even willing to let them PROVE to you that they can stick to them." Okay, that's not the direct conversation, but a large portion of it is true, and the rest is exactly what she was thinking. I know, I'm a professional mind reader- just ask my kids.

I've been thinking a lot about it, and this is the best scenario that I've come up with. I'm still working on it, so maybe it won't pan out as well written, as it sounded in my head:

When we're pregnant, we have this wonderful life growing inside of us. We do everything we can to protect that life: eat right, excercise, avoid harmful substances- ANYTHING we can do to ensure that this little being knows that we are doing our very best to give him/her the best life they deserve. While some people may get tired of being pregnant around month 6 or 7 they stick with it. Why? Well, mostly because it's not an option, but let me give you a "what if". What if it was an option? We know that there is this wonderful modern world of medicine that gives this baby upward of 80-90% chance of turning out just fine. We've done our part, put our time in, and when things looked like they could hold their own well enough, we quit hoping that all we did was good enough for a good outcome. Do we do that? Not if we're in our right mind we don't!

That's kind of how I feel about the whole "over-protective" subject. Yes, I could have let my kids continue to go to public school and be exposed to the things that are being forced into their faces, jammed into their ears, and imprinted on their minds. Hey! I would LOVE to have the daytime all to myself! But, I want to give them EVERY MOMENT I CAN to surround them with the love, values, beliefs, virtues and all things Godly that I can. Every day, every hour that baby is in the womb helps it grow a little bit stronger. Is there a time when you can't keep them like that any longer? Absolutely, just like birth. And when that time comes, I will know that I did everything possible within my being to arm them with a sense of who they are and what they stand for. There is a reason these kids were saved for the last days. They are being raised to become kings and queens and to fight with all their might. I doubt there has ever been a king who thought they were taught too much about how to prepare for battle and lead a nation. I venture to say there were many who wish their Mother's had taught them even one day more.

:::Off my soapbox now:::

Disclaimer: Do I believe everyone should homeschool? Not even a little bit. It's right for our family, though. Don't question my intentions or you'll see Mother Bear.

What I AM doing VS should be doing

2009-09-06T20:12:00.003-04:00

I need to take a lesson form my girls (Mia and Ava). They gave each other "facials and manicures"- doesn't it look relaxing?

Well, I played hookey tonight while Scott and the kids went over to a friends house to have "fun" (for Enoch that included burning things, for Daddy that meant food and adult conversation, for Ava that meant running around without her shoes on, for Kate that meant more animals, and for Mimi that meants someone else to listen to her talk...Aidan liked a little of all of it, mostly the burning and the food, though), while poor 'old' me stayed home. Scott made sure to remind me to try and have a good time in the quiet house with no one to bother me. I'm so glad he knows when I need some time. Perhaps the fist-fulls of my hair laying on the carpet gave him a hint!

It almost seems rediculous, though. I spent Wednesday through Saturday night in bed, high as a kite, trying to get rid of more stones (yes, I know, I'm an over-achiever), and yet that doesn't seem to count as quiet time by myself. Why is that? I'm even MEDICATED! That should at least count for something! The only problem is, I've found out that as soon as I get up and around, the house usually looks like 5 kids have gotten ahold of it, forgotten they don't live in a barn/pigsty/land fill, and left it to it's own demise. Poor Daddy- such a trooper, I'm pretty sure that HE'S the one that should get all the compassion for these kidney stones, they give him a HECK of a lot more trouble than they do me (and he gets NO medication).

So, as I was saying before I totally got off track...I'm sitting here at home trying to figure out what to do...should do, that is...I SHOULD:

-figure out why the basement smells this way
-find where all of my cups and spoons have disappeared to
-confiscate all of our books that Enoch has stashed under his bed (and in the ceiling and in the mattress, and under the bathroom sink, and in the cubby where the wall used to be, etc.)
-find my other 26 pairs of tweezers in the house
-put away all the clothes that are clean before I forget which one is which and have to wash them all over again because they got mixed together
-put all of the outgrown clothes in one large tub (instead of 6 misc. cardboard boxes scattered around the room
-do some more rearranging on the school books/room/stuff
-find my bedroom floor again
-update my blog...OH WAIT! CHECK!
-sit outside and enjoy a quiet evening alone (just me and the skeeters)
-try and figure out what exactly it IS that is stuck in the carpet

and then of course there's the: bake a cake, make my bed, Febreeze my house, all those things normal people do....

So what did I spend 1.5 hours of my time doing? Playing the WII playground game. I'm almost too ashamed to hold my head up. I haven't let the kids play in ages, and am usually on their case when they do get to play for being on for more than 20 minutes. So, if you could, let's just keep this between the two of us. I'll try and get to the rest of that stuff before you come over to visit (just make sure you give me a good week's notice)!

(By the way, I kicked butt on the Playground game.)

Aidan's Baptism

2009-08-23T17:12:00.002-04:00

It's a little late coming (like a month and a half) but I'm FINALLY blogging about Aidan's baptism. Here's what happened in Aidan's words:

I remember that when I got baptized, I felt the spirit really strong. When I got in my white outfit I was really warm. We sang "I love to be baptized", "I love to see the temple", and "I'm trying to be like Jesus". While we were there we had to wait a little while because there wasn't a second witness. So we just waited until Brother Neilson came from his garage sale. Christy, Grandma, Grandpa, Brother Neilson, Sister Neilson, Star, Chris, Meghan, Micheal, Heather, Cayman, Malachi, and my family all came to my baptism. The funniest part was when I was taking my clothes off after my baptism I found a tick on my shoulder. That was probably a holy tick. That's all I remember.

In Mom's words:

My little boy's growing up! He looked like a giant white gumby...but a SPIRITUAL white gumby! Due to lack of communication between "someone" and "nobody" we didn't have enough priesthood to witness the baptism so we waited about an hour. Turned out to be perfect timing...we were able to have our closest friends be with us! We had a wonderful time.

4 down and dunked, 1 to go.

New School Year

2009-08-14T12:37:00.002-04:00

Well, it's only been a month since I last posted, guess it's time to update once again...here goes....

We finally semi-finished setting up our school room (thanks to some very selfless sisters in our branch). We had an 'unofficial' school day (that lasted about 1 1/2 hours) then, and 'official' school day that lasted most of the day. If any of you are on facebook, you know a little of what went on that first morning, but for those of you who don't, here you go:

Everyone was up and dressed with their chores done by 9:30- we usually want it done by 9, but I won't be arguing on the first day of school. They had all of their school supplies set out and ready to go. We began with a prayer (that is always desperately needed), and then began our copy work. Ava works on letters to copy, Aidan and Kate have a paragraph (Kate's in cursive), Enoch and Amelia have two paragraphs that they have to complete in cursive. As soon as I mentioned the "C" word (cursive) to Enoch, I heard/felt this load rolling MOOOAAAANNNN. "I haaaaaa...I mean I can't staaaaand cursive!" We've been doing the same thing for a year, but apparently he's forgotten after having a few weeks off. Well, Aidan caught onto the groaning bug a little, but decided just to buck-up and do it anyway. While Kate and Amelia finished up their copywork, then math, then grammar, then reading...Aidan was trying to finish up his last sentence, and Enoch was....I have no idea WHAT Enoch was doing. Definately NOT his copywork. Aidan finally finished up and did his grammar and math as well. Enoch....well, Enoch was still just....not doing his copy work.

As I gathered Enoch, Amelia, Kate, Aidan, and Ava to go to the park, I asked Enoch how he was doing. He said he was just a few words from the end. It was now 12:30. Yes, folks- 3 1/2 HOURS to do two paragraphs. Unfortunately, he had to stay home to finish all of his other work.

I'm hoping that the coming school days will show a much greater improvement, or it's going to be a LOOOOOOOOOOONG school year!

Accidental Truth

2009-07-17T17:41:00.002-04:00

We were working on cleaning up downstairs, when Ava came up to me, her underpants drooping around her ankles, and said "I went to the potty on the floor in front of the toilet on purpose." And then just looked at me. Oooooookay. "Do you mean on accident?" I asked. "Um...hmmmm...yeah." she replied.

Sometimes the truth just happens to slip out.

Lock me up

2009-07-02T13:56:00.003-04:00

I had a urology appointment today. I just can't seem to stay away from these people. Well, as usual, your first item of business is to do your business. In a cup, that is. So I go into the restroom...uh...finish....put my cup in the little smurf door, wash my hands and then try to get out of the bathroom. Yes, I said try. I had locked it, which seemed pretty natural to me. Apparently the lock wasn't working quite right. So, there I am standing at the door with my paper towel (not a snowball's chance in **** I would touch that doorknob with my bare hands) desperately trying to get out. It was SO bad I had to REMOVE the paper towel (of course I had to wash my hands again before I left) to get as much force as possible, but it just wasn't moving. I considered knocking on the door. Then I considered sticking my face through the smurf door to ask for help. Then I just sat back down on the toilet. Maybe they would just send someone in after me. Would they even notice I was gone? As if my life doesn't tend to be humiliating enough. After much prayer (I'm pretty sure people praying on toilets get moved near the top of the list in Heavenly Father's eyes), I tried several more times and finally got it opened. After washing my hands a few more times, I was finally free....kind of. Then I had to actually GO to my appointment. My 'bloodpressure is a little higher than normal', the nurse said. 'Have I been under any undue stress lately?' Quite recently, as a matter of fact.

And now you know....the rest of the story

2009-06-27T20:38:00.000-04:00

A little later, Q'Deisha comes up to me and asks if I got a plastic water jug (any of you who have been to the hospital anytime recently will know what I'm talking about). I said that there had been one sitting on my side table when I came in. She threw her hands up, all frustrated and said “MAN! They din't give me ANYTHING when I come in here. No water cup, none of 'em bath thingy's either! That really pisses me off!” (Apparently the $300 worth of food she ate doesn't count for anything) She stomps out of the room, her IV pole wheeling along behind her. Next thing you know, here she is with her arms LOADED down with a drug store beauty aisle. Bottles of shampoo, conditioner, lotion, gels, creams, cotton balls, q-tips, YOU NAME IT she had it. She dumped them all out on her bed and asked if I wanted anything.(Besides a new roommate?) “They's hardly ever lock it. You can just get 'em yourself at that one closet.” (The one marked “authorized personnel only”?) “Nah. I think I'll be fine.”

10 minutes later, as my medicine is starting to kick in again, and I'm starting to forget I'm rooming with a psych ward overflow, she comes over to my window and said, “Get up and look at this!” “I'm really not feeling....” “No, I mean GET UP. Look over there. See that? That there car, right over there?” “Yup.” I replied, not even getting my glasses on. “I see...that one, right?”, I say, pointing indiscriminately at the parking lot as a whole. “Yeah! That's right. That there's my car. I need my cell phone out of it.” She stared at me as if I was going to jump right up and offer to go get it for her. “Ooookay.” I responded. “I NEED my phone.” she repeated again, looking at me. “Oh.” What, are you KIDDING ME? I almost offered to go get it, if for no other reason than to get away from her. Apparently she took the hint, and went to her bed, sitting on the side facing me. I turned over to avoid her, but she didn't get the hint. I doubt she'd take a hint from anything less than a baseball bat. “I'm going to go down there.” she finally said, her eyes boring into the back of my head. “Umm.” I replied as unenthusiastically as I could. “You won't tell nobody will you?” Apparently she didn't think the hospital gown and IV pole dragging along behind her would give her away. “I'm sleeping.” I said back. She left and was back just a few minutes later. They “caught her” she said. Oh good. They caught her and brought her BACK. Isn't there like a hospital “holding cell” you could keep her in, just till I'm released, maybe? Well, not one to be defeated, she “tried again”. She had been gone about an hour when the nurse came into the room for, meds. Oh, sweet medication, if I ever needed you, it was this hospitalization! “Where'd Q'Deishe go?” the nurse asked. This was the same nurse that laughed under her breath at my earlier situation, so I wasn't about to help her out, either. “Who? What? I have no idea what you're talking about. I need my pain meds. And my nausea medicine.” “Do you know where she went?” the nurse continued (Besides off the deep end), “HM.” was all I replied. “She does this every time she comes in” A-HA! So she IS a “frequent flayer” and they probably HAVE seen her pull this stuff on her other roommates. Man, must be a slow day at the nurse's station to need this entertainment. A few moments later I hear over the hospital intercom “Q'Deisha blah blah...Please return to your room” No, really, take your time...days if necessary.

Well, about 20 minutes later Q'Deisha came back inside and over to my side of the bed. She CLOSED the curtain separating our beds, however she was still on my side. “Man, there was this security guard who don't know what he talkin' about. He thinks he saw me all goin to take a smoke, but he don' know WHAT he talkin' about. Man! I just going to get my cell phone and he all callin' up to the nurses station like I been' doin' something wrong! Hey, smell my hands. I'm right handed, so if I smoked, I'd smoked 'em with this hand, they don't smell like smoke do they?” she demanded shoving her right hand under my nose. I've had a great fear of smelling hands after having several kids shoving their “just down their pants” hands under my nose. I wasn't too thrilled to be smelling hers either. “Nope. They don't smell like smoke.” I said. She seemed satisfied. “See! I's told 'em! Smell these too!” she said, obviously feeling more confident, and shoving her left hand under my nose. “OH YEAH! Those smell like smoke!” I replied. “Well, he couldn've seen that I was smokin' and he has NO RIGHT to blame me for smokin' we he DON'T KNOW if I was smokin' or NOT!” She threw the curtain back with all of it's maddening screeching (now becoming one of her trademark moves) and starts SCREAMING at no one about how unjustly she's being treated. She picked her phone up and called...someone...and starts ranting and raving about how they're blaming her for smoking when they don't even know if she was...blah..blah...blah (or I should say BLAH!!!!BLAH!!!!BLAH!!!! which was more like it). I mean she was SCREAMING at this point. She called the nurses in and was crying and ranting and demanding to see her doctor about this injustice. In the meantime, I was laying in my bed preparing my simple, but effective speech, and getting my nerves up for when she asked me if she was out smoking. I was all ready “Absolutely you were. Told me where you were going, and even had me smell your hands when you got back. Smooooooking. Yep, you sure were.” Apparently, I had enough drugs in my system to be brave and truthful. Unfortunately, she never gave me the chance. She called her doctor in (who ever knew that there were doctors without spines out there?) who after listening to her rant and rave for over ½ hour, agreed to let her go outside for a smoke break three times a day. Was that enough? Ohhhhh no, now she wanted 4 smoke breaks, and they had to be at least an hour long because it took her almost 15 minutes for her just to get downstairs. (Well, yeah, if your sneaking around trying not to get caught with an IV pole attached- maaaaybe). The spineless doctor said fine, and Q'Deisha went back to bed where she promptly called the nurse in and demanded more pain and nausea medication.

The final night and day was definitely the kicker. I finally figured out that Q'Deisha didn't like the fan. So, I had the janitors bring up the biggest baddest fan they could find and I blasted it on high the entire time. (Had to ask for a few extra blankets and suffered mild hypothermia, but COMPLETELY worth it). She FINALLY kept the curtains closed! Well, little ole' curtains aren't about to keep someone like Q'Deisha from doing what SHE wanted to do. Around 2 in the morning I woke up to what I thought was a nurse putting more pain medicine into my IV port. Low and behold! It's Q'Deisha messing with my IV tubing!!! Oh yes, my friends. I wake up to see Dr. Kevorkian checkin' to see if I'm ready to meet my maker. “What are you doing?” I asked, rather nicely for someone who just discovered someone else doing what she was doing..which was....what? “Unnnnhhhhh..I'm just fixin' yo tubing. It's all messed up.” I grabbed my IV tubing and said. “It's fine. I'll have a nurse check on it.” I said pushing the nurse button a million times. Well, by the time the nurse finally made it into the room I was asleep again, and by the time I woke up the nurse was in the room with the curtain opened again and Q'Deisha just sittin' in bed smilin'. “You can use lotion in yo hair if you don' have no conditioner, right?” The nurse and I just looked at each other. “Uh. No.” was the nurse's reply. Was this girl for real? “Oh, I jus did and it worked out fine!” I kept trying to get the nurse's attention to tell her about the night before, but no luck. Now I know how a hostage must feel when they go into a convenience store and they try to get someone's attention without getting the kidnapper's attention.

About 15 minutes after the nurse left, my monitor started beeping saying that my IV fluid was low. I pressed the nurse's button (now not expecting a response for anything less than ½ hour) and hit the silent button. It went off a few more times, and I just kept hitting the silent button. It wasn't bothering me, but apparently it was bothering Q'Deisha. She finally gets out of bed in this HUGE HUFF, comes over to my IV computer monitor and starts PRESSING BUTTONS. “Here. Just do this * beep * and then this and this * beep beep beeeeeeep *” ”It's FINE. IT'S FINE. THAT'S OKAY” “Hey. I do this all the time, jus let me...” “NOPE. I'm oooookay. Thanks anyway. Yep, I bet you do. At's okay” Now. I'm not a swearing person. But the only word that kept creeping up into my mind has to do with H, E and two hockey sticks. As in: I'm in ____, where the ____ is the nurse, why the ____ are they keeping me with her....and so on and so forth. I'm sure you get my drift.

Needless to say, I was feeling MUCH better by the doctor's rounds that morning, begging to go home. I knew that I had a much better chance at surviving there than I did in the hospital. About 20 minutes before getting ready to leave, the nurse came in to tell me that they were moving Q'Deisha into another room. WOW!! SO SOON? I wondered. I told the nurses all about the previous nights attempts on my life and the other “incidents”. She just rolled her eyes and said, “Yep. She's in here all the time doing stuff like that.” WHAT A REASSURING THOUGHT!! So, to all of you who might need medical care, I highly recommend avoiding Lutheran Hospital. Or at least Q'Deisha's room.

And so so ends this weeks episode of....these are the crazy days of our lives.

The Asylum Part I

2009-06-22T23:17:00.001-04:00

I wasn't originally slated to go to the loony bin, but I'm pretty sure that's where I ended up based on my roommate. Here's the story:

When I first arrived, my roommate was a lovely woman In her early 100s with coke bottle glasses and very little movement. We got along quite well. However, things quickly changed on day 2 when she went home and in come Q'Deisha (we'll call her).

I should have known from the beginning it was going to be interesting, but little could I ever expect what was about to come....

As soon as she was sliding into bed she asked me for my menu. I was happy to oblige, and handed it over. She then called down to the cafeteria and ordered a meal fit for....well a BUFFET. I'm pretty sure the call would have been shorter if she just would have ordered one of everything. After she hangs up, she looks at me and says “How old are you?” I said (quickly doing the math), “35”. “Good.” She responded. Good what? I wondered. “Do you have any cigarettes?” she asked. “Nope.” I replied, hitting my narc button a few more times. “Awww. Too bad.” Apparently we wouldn't be smoking buddies.

Well, her banquet came up a short time later, and apparently it wasn't quite up to snuff. She started arguing, quite loudly, with the poor old lady that came up to deliver it. “WHY would I just order PLAIN English muffins? NO ONE orders PLAIN English muffins. I AXED for JELLY and BUTTER wit' dem muffins! Why can't nobody get these things RIGHT?!!! (Gee, perhaps because it was #48 on a list of 73 items you ordered so quickly they couldn't keep up with you. And, hey, I'd order a whole boat load of plain English muffins if I could cram them all into your mouth at one time just to get you to shut your.....muffin hole.)

Apparently, she sent the poor lady back down to get some jelly and butter, and while she's stuffing her...muffin hole the nurse walks in. IMMEDIATELY she begins “axing” the nurse for some pain medicine, and then, while she's STUFFING HER FACE WITH FOOD tells her that she wants her nausea medicine!! I heard that and I needed MY nausea medicine.

Well, I'm settling down, starting to feel the effects of my meds taking the pain away, when the curtain between us FLIES open with this lovely metallic SCRREEEEECCCHHHH. “I'm claustrophobic so I can't have this curtain closed.” she announces to me. “You don't mind, do you?” What am I going to say? Hey, I saw her take down the lunch lady, who am I to argue with her over the curtain. “Nope.” I said, trying to find a way to sink myself into the hospital bed until I become invisible. Didn't work. Moments later, she came up to my bed and said “Come here, I need you to help me with this.” I'm trying to discreetly hit my nurses button a hundred times. Apparently (like crosswalk buttons) it doesn't bring anything any quicker if you press it REEEEEAL hard. Just makes your IV arm hurt. “Uh. Isn't there a nurse to help you?” “Awwww, no. They's all too busy.” She says depositing an armload of tape, bandages and swabs onto my bed. “I'ms a gonna take a shower, and 'dis here cain't get wet, so's I needs you to tape it up good for me.” And down drops the right side of her gown. Not prepared to see someone's...uh...”eggs over-easy”...I think my jaw hit the floor before her gown did. She starts handing me the stuff, and I'm trying to do this with one finger on each hand, not wanting to make contact with...well, with anything to be honest with you. I kept looking longingly over at the nurses button WILLING it to ring LOUDER at their desk. Just as I'm...uh....”rounding the yolk”, the nurse walks in. I look at her with eyes PLEADING for help. She took one look at me, and...I swear...was busting up laughing internally. I almost heard her think 'I see Ms. Q'Deisha found herself another sucker'. I finished up and hit the bed before I heard her scream at the nurse- “I need my pain medicine and nausea medicine too!” Hey, while you're at it could you get me something to erase the last two hours of my memory? Perhaps something that will leave me comatose.....or HER!

This doesn't even conclude our first day....oh yes, it gets better (or worse, depending on who you are).

This is very Private

2009-06-17T11:24:00.004-04:00

This is my first day home from another week in the hospital (which I will blog about AT LENGTH as soon as my blogging strength is up. It is quite the story, trust me.).
I woke up this morning to Ava yelling - "Aidan Where are your PRIVATE PLACES?!!" It took a moment for me to comprehend what she was asking, and not completely sure that Aidan wouldn't just comply to keep her quiet, I shake myself awake to make sure I'm understaning this exchange correctly. Then she yells (like a good tatteling little sister "MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM Aidan won't show me his PRIVATE PLACES!" I yelled back "Ava! Private places are anything that your bathing suit covers!!" (We're yelling because were several rooms apart) She comes into my room and tells me "But I want to see Aidan's private places and he won't let me!" (I'm gone 6 days and my children have gone to hell in a handbasket. What next? Vodka in the cheerios?) "Ava, only Mommy, Daddy, and the doctors are allowed to look at your private places." I explained. She just stared at me like I was an idiot. Not a far stretch, I'm sure. "But Mommy, how am I supposed to find him when he hides?"

Give a little bit and you'll get it.

The Mollies

2009-06-10T19:05:00.003-04:00

Okay, I'm trying to download a videolink of The Mollies video from Youtube, but I think I'm failing miserably. Me and computers- a match made ...... never.

Not quite a year

2009-06-10T16:22:00.002-04:00

Well, well, well. Three holes in the ground.

Yep, it's been a while. I'd love to tell you it was a year filled with a whole bunch of nothing, but who would really believe that? We'll let it all dribble out slowly in the upcoming posts.

You must really give me more credit this time around, however. I'm dealing with dial-up, so each painful posts takes about 1/2 to one hour to complete (if it doesn't decide to poop out on me before that). In addition, all of the people who are trying to get in touch with me can't because I'm tying up the phone line. Okay, so maybe that's a plus.

Well, we are continuing to settle into our HOME. Yep, H-O-M-E. We knew it was our from the very first basement flood. We like to think of it as "baptizing the home". We are just finishing up the downstairs "scary" bathroom- not so scary anymore, and what used to be the icky laundry room and funky extra room with no door (now a larger laundry/closet room where ALL of the kids clothes get hung and stored). We're trying to finish the basement to the best of our ability before Scott's parents come at the beginning of July. Really they're just an excuse to get things hurried up and moved along downstairs. Nothing like company coming over to get you motivated to clean!

Well, Friday we have our first garage sale at our home. We're getting rid of most of our dressers and bigger furniture hoping to raise some money to put a floor in downstairs (and maybe even fill up the propane tank!). We'll keep you updated and let you know how it goes. The kids are in the front yard right now "washing" some of the things we're selling. My guess is that they're soaking wet, and the items are completely dry- and still dirty. Oh the fun of a garden hose.

Hey! I just signed up for facebook (which I swore I would never do), but it won't let me request any more friends, so....if you're not yet me friend and want to be, you'll have to request it!

One more thing!! I've heard of a GREAT new indie group called "the Happies" (they also go by the name "The Mollies". You can download some of their songs, and even watch one of their videos (Float My Boat) on youtube. I'll try and attach, but...it's dial up...so.....here goes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdHLznq8FxU

I happen to know one of the cutie lead singers. Actually know three of the singers, just don't know how cute the others are.

Tim Hawkins

2008-07-24T23:21:00.001-04:00

While I'm away, I thought I'd share some laughter from other sources than our own.

Enjoy!

Move #19 / Temporary Insanity

2008-07-22T10:49:00.003-04:00

Maybe the insanity isn't so temporary after all!

Well, the time is finally here! We have spent the last 8 years waiting for "Heavenly Father to get our home ready" as Kate would say, and now, only 19 moves later, we'll be in our home on July 26th. If the kids all make it there alive, that is. I should know by now that it's pointless to pack anytime prior to 48 hours before the actual move. I'm pretty sure I've packed some of the same boxes more than 5 TIMES!! Ava seems to think that each packed box is a present for her, and, therefore, must open and unpack it as quickly as possible. She is very good at it, in fact.

The only sad thing about the house is that the swing set that Ava obsesses over when we visit there (and that they promised to keep) is gone. I don't want to even think of the look on her face when she sees it's gone. She never takes time to even look at the house, just heads straight for the backyard to swing and slide. We are keeping our fingers crossed that someone will have one on freecycle for us, but it's not looking good. :(

I know that I haven't kept up very well, and I'm here to say...It ain't gonna get much better. With the move and general chaos of our lives, we will try and post again as soon as possible, until then

there's one last funny to share with you. Hopefully, this will keep you laughing for a while:

A few weeks ago, I was trying to get Ava to go to and STAY IN bed. Each time she would get out of bed and come crying to me, I would just stand up, say nothing, and put her back into bed. Around the 318th time, she comes out crying, and as soon as I stood up, she starts bawling "NOT AGAIN!!" and Ipick her up (holding back my laughter) and put her back in bed. A few minutes later...her she comes....sees me stand up...and starts crying "Not again!!!", all the way back to bed. After about 346 more times of this, I finally caught on, and as soon as I saw her round the corner, I cried out "NOT AGAIN!". She was a little stunned, but continued her plea as well. Eventually she fell asleep....but not before I did.

Take care!

Tanya

Coming Soon to a Single's Ward Near You

2008-07-01T22:45:00.002-04:00

Well, we said our farewells to one of our long-lasting, great missionaries this evening. He's been here somewhere in the neighborhood of 8-9 months. Long enough for a full-fledged man of God to be born. Not exactly, I guess. By the time he made it here, he was probably pretty far along in the whole birthing process, but to see him two days before he returned home was like watching this beautiful metamorphoses take place.

I've always told everyone that I knew I would only marry a returned missionary. Some people thought that was putting a pretty tight restriction on who I would date (truth be known- I dated just about anything that moved, I was a little more particular on who I was engaged to, and even MORE picky on who I said 'Yes' to).

I always knew, from a 4 year old girl being taught by the missionaries, that these guys had something special going for them. At the time, I had no idea what it was, I just knew that our house was a much better place when the missionaries were in it.

We teased our Elder Garner incessantly about being mobbed by the girls as soon as he walked off the plane (I believe someone referred to him as "God Candy"- you know, kind of like "Eye Candy" something yummy, but you can only look at it, except this was something appetizing that was still God's and not yet ready for SWF consumption). I don't think returned missionaries quite get what makes them more attractive (physically and spiritually) than others, so I decided to share my personal thoughts on this matter.

--This one's for you Davey (Elder G.)--

What makes a RM (returned missionary) more attractive than NRM (non-RM's)

1) You get a good sense of where their priorities lie (and it's not in the latest PlayStation 2 game)

2) They know what it's like to have to work your butt off, sometimes for nothing more than knowing you are doing it for the right reason

3) They have tasted grosser cooking than you could possibly conjure up as a wife, and learned to smile and say 'delicious!' (this was BIG points in my case)

4) They have faced insurmountable odds each day for two years, looked the adversary in the face, and ran him down (sometimes with their bike and/or car)

5) They know what true joy feels like and what pain and desperation look like. They have worked the last two years making sure everyone knows where to find the first, and that they never have to reclaim the second.

6) What guy doesn't look EXCELLENT in a suit and tie?

7) I knew if my husband always put God first, I would never have to be second. I know that a marriage is built between two people WITH God.

8) Missionaries have spent two years learning to communicate and understand all different walks of life and personalities. A big plus in any relationship.

9) They realize the importance of praying with your companion, and working on goals together.

10) Their faith is solid, their roots- securely ground to the earth. They are true and faithful to what matters most to them, and they have proven that for more than 24 months. They have given up their lives for the Lord, payed their 10% tithing on their 20 years of life. They have doubted at times, and felt the reassuring hand of God comfort and direct them. They are warriors of the truth, soldiers of our God, and have been molded to become the future fathers and husbands that the world so desperately needs.

They are what is right about the world. They are what I pray each day that my son will emulate. I see the fire in their eyes, and I know that a mother sent a boy on a mission and a man will return. How proud she should be, and how proud I am to know them.

Well done, thou good and faithful servant,
Well done, thou good and faithful son.
You have seen the field is white,
You have fought a winning fight,
You have earned the Savior's gentle praise,
Well done.

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-14T22:27:00.003-04:00

This Father's Day, I thought I would share with you my great love and admiration for the Father in my life.

Growing up, my parent's divorced when I was young, so we always celebrated my Mom on Father's Day. She truly deserved every thank-you. It wasn't until I was older, and beginning to date (with marriage in mind) that I began to think much more about my Father. The little I knew about my own Father, I didn't admire. I am grateful that he gave me the chance to fulfill my mission here on earth. If nothing else, I can give him that.

My true Father joined my life when I was 20 years old.

As I said before, when I dated, I constantly thought about how each person would be as a Father to my children. My best gauge for this was his own Father. I was seriously involved several times with guys, but I just couldn't get past their Fathers. One had a Father who's prized possessions were an arsenol of illegal guns stashed in his basement- YIKES! Another had a Father that HARDLY EVER communicated with his wife. No joke- I spent 8 months living with his family (while the son was on a mission) and it was a RARE treat to see his Father engage his mother in a conversation that included more than a few grunts. His son was a good enough boyfriend, but with that kind of role model to look up to, I was a little apprehensive as to what the future would bring.

Enter, THE ONE...

My future husband, that is. Scott and I dated for roughly 2 weeks and 2 days. I knew he was the one the first Sunday after the first Monday that we met. I was playing hookey from church, and I received a call from Scott. He was calling from church asking where I was. Apparently too dim-whitted to think of a good lie, I told him I was just hanging out at home. He told me he would be there in about 15 minutes to pick me up and bring me to church. I hung up the phone and knew immediately that I would marry him. Now, to find out about his Dad....

I don't remember the first time I met Scott's Dad (henceforth referred to as "Dad"). I wouldn't be surprised if he remembered me, though. I had just moved to Kansas City from New Jersey, where I spent many nights in NYC going out on the town. I was pretty wild and crazy, and was enjoying life. I had finally made my peace with God, and knew who I was. I had a strong testimony and wasn't afraid to share it with everyone. I was completely unorthodox, wearing black and white striped hose with my Doc Martens to church. And no, they weren't your ordinary Doc's, we're talking orthopedic, multi-colored clown shoes. They were awesome. I was doubtful they were Dad's cup of tea, though. I remember meeting Scott's family and thinking how NICE they were, and could they be REAL? I was intruiged by watching the interaction between his mother and father, and could have sat and listened to them for hours. They were what I wanted. What I wanted as a child, and what I wanted for my children. While I already new I had found my future husband, I had just realized I had found my Father as well.

Here are a few things that have set Dad apart from the rest:

-Shiny, silky PJ's. The day Scott and I announced we were engaged, it was right before bed, and Scott's Dad had on these silky pajamas. I still crack up when I think about it.

-Tears. I think it was Dad who said something about crying everytime the sun rises. That may be the case, but it never fails. When he is speaking, and tears fill his eyes, the spirit is tangible.

-Strictness. Funny, funny, story. The first time my Mom ever met Scott's parents, we went over to their house (where Scott was still living), and were getting ready to go somewhere. Scott hadn't mowed the lawn, as he had been told to do, and my Mom and I had to sit and wait until he finished before we could go. Whooooo-eeeee was Scott mad! I thought it was hilarious, but then again, it wasn't happening to me. We use this story often with our own children.

-Sense of Duty. I wouldn't even know where to begin with this one. I guess one of the best things I remember, is when our youngest son, Aidan, was admitted to the hospital for immediate life-threatening surgery. Scott called his Dad, sobbing to him that we were at the Children's Hospital and we needed to give Aidan a blessing NOW. It seemed like mere seconds went by, before Dad was by our side, laying his hands on Aidan's tiny head. I don't remember the words, but I'll never forget the feeling. Dad sat with us as we talked to the surgeon. He was there. He was there as a priesthood holder, as a Father, and as a Grandfather.

-Love. I felt love from my Mother continuously, but had never felt it from a Father before. Until Dad. I could tell you the first time he hugged me and the first compliment he ever gave me. I had never received those before, and they seemed so foreign to me. Over the years, there have been many hugs, many laughs, many tears, and even some words of wisdom. I have treasured each one, each moment with him. While I was not born to him, I feel he was born to me, from Scott. Never before in my life, have I felt such love for an earthly Father, and never and again will I have to feel that love withheld.

On this Father's day, I give my greatest thanks to you, Dad. You will never be my Father-In-Law, you will always be my Dad. My love and gratitude to you for raising a son who lives up to his covenants, and for being the example I have prayed for all of my life. Our family is eternally bound.

Your daughter,
Tanya

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T18:12:00.002-04:00

"Another Year Older and Wiser, too, Happy Mother's Day- to YOU!"

Well, another year, and I've made it. Still have every child alive and breathing. If nothing else THAT is cause for celebrating and giving thanks to me. Okay, so maybe Scott helped keep them alive a little. So, on to our Mother's Day story of this year-

I am writing this carefully, knowing that my sweet eternal companion will be reading this and I don't want to offend him (any more than I have and constantly do). So, I will tell this story full of compassion and love, knowing that a husband's idea of shopping/planning for Mother's Day and a woman's/Mom's idea are two very different ideas.

We went to the grocery store last week where I saw a bunch of flowering plants for sale for 50 cents each:

My thought: "Boy, these are sure nice. They would make a very nice, inexpensive gift for the Mom's at church this Mother's Day. Since Scott's responsible for them (at least that's what I assume since he was in charge last year) now would be a great time to pick them up" I say: "Wow! Look how cheap these flowers are! They would be perfect for Mother's Day!"

Scott's thought: (Now I can't be certain, but this is my best guess)" It's 9:00am right now, if we can hurry I can be back home in time for 'Car Talk' by 10:00" He said "Huh?"

My thought: "He just needs a little reminding, then he'll see that I'm trying to save him time and money by getting the flowers early and cheap. Then he'll be able to relax and not have to worry about getting things together at the last minute." So, I say: "Why don't you pick these up for Mother's Day next Sunday?"

Scott's thought: (Again, purely speculation): "Why are we looking at flowers? What a mess that would make? Why would I buy flowers when no one has told me I'm in charge this year? Just because I'm in charge last year doesn't mean anything. If they call and tell me I'm in charge, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." He says: "No one's told me I'm in charge. I'm not going to worry about it right now"

My thoughts: (I will 'cliff-notes' this for you): "Elder's Quorom is in charge every year, you, as EQ Pres, are therefore in charge. Take a step and call to find out, then you can get them now and not have to worry about them later. Not only will YOU not have to worry about them later, I won't have to listen to you freaking out at the last minute trying to find something and running all over town (when there are clearly, more important things to do- like helping me clean the house) trying to find something that will work, and then spend much more money than necessary. On top of that, we're here, they're cheap- sounds like an obvious sign from God- CAN'T YOU TELL!!! I AM RIGHT, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, I KNOW WHAT'S BEST, I KNOW HOW IT SHOULD HAPPEN AND WHEN IT SHOULD HAPPEN!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME ONCE IN A WHILE AND ADMIT THAT?!! -I had to be careful walking around so my head wouldn't pop open, I evidently thought so highly of myself- I say: "Why don't you call and find out if you're in charge this year" (as blood trickles down my cheek from biting my tongue so hard)

Scott's thought: "Less chat, more movement! Car Talk starts in 57 minutes!! CALL someone? Please tell me she's kidding. Do I look like a kid that doesn't know how to take care of myself. Okay, if it will get her to stop nagging and get her to move along, but I'm PRAYING no one's home." He says: " ". Nothing, just dials the phone. God answers prayers, and no one is home. "I'll try later."

End of discussion.

At least on Scott's part. I continue the conversation in my mind for about 15 more minutes wasting valuable time I could be forming more meaningful complete thoughts.

We made it home in time for Car Talk. Prayer number two answered for Scott. Who's side is He on, anyway?

Skip forward a little while and Scott and I are out on a date, where we are looking at flowers for- guess what? Mother's Day. I could have thought of a few more ways I would have liked to spend our date, but any time with him WITHOUT the kids is still considered quality date time. It got us to thinking, if he was able to get something for Mother's Day that would offend just enough people, maybe they would take away his 'Mother's Day Gift Buying' privelege. Which is just what he's hoping for. I will share some of the things we thought of. Word of caution: Some of the following items may be offensive to some people, proceed at your own personal risk:

-KY -and no, I don't mean Kentucky. This was my suggestion, and we even found small inexpensive little trial packets.

-lip wax. What Mother couldn't USE this. Sure, flowers are nice, but they do nothing for that late-in-life lack of estrogen.

-cactus. Let's face it, it's probably the only flower most of us won't kill.

-edible underwear. Quit your groaning, it's only fruit roll-ups, so age wouldn't even matter, everyone could enjoy it.

-a pinata filled with several of the above, as well as the various potted plants for those who want the "old standbye". Give the stick to the oldest person and let 'em whallop away. A good swing for each of the ladies, and they get a little of their venting out as well as some excercise and a treat!

So what ended up happening, you ask?

Scott found a beautiful assortment of flowers (at a fabulous price!), which I helped him wrap up at 11:30 pm Saturday night. He managed to make every Mother happy, and he didn't need a bit of my help. Sorry, Scott- sometimes, it's just hard to switch from "Mother" mode to "Wife" mode. Forgive me for those times I crossover.

And to my own Mom, who taught me the greatest role I will ever fill in my lifetime will have very few worldly rewards and the most extravagent eternal ones- Thank You will never be enough, so I will raise my children the best I can, and instill in them the values and faith you have passed on to me. I love you Mom.

Curriculum Share

2008-04-14T18:09:00.002-04:00

Well, tomorrow is our local group's "curriculum share". For those Non-HSers, this is the chance that we get to share some of the educational guides/books/ideas that we love, and perhaps those we even despise. Here is what I should probably share on my table:

Our foreign language curriculum: 6 different Dora the Explorer tapes/CD's. We fluently can say: Dora, Tico, Diego, Esau, Benny, delicioso (okay, we haven't learned how to SPELL the words yet, just say them), astrayas, momy and poppi.

Math: We use a lot of everyday math problems, such as "Do you know how many grams of sugar are in that!", "How many times do I have to tell you to SIT DOWN?!", "You fit HOW MANY marbles down the heating vent?!", and "you can have a teaspoon of ice cream for every minute you can be quiet during this show" (See? That one contains both the study of TIME and MEASUREMENT!). Sometimes we even present challenging questions, such as "If you touch him one more time, I'll make sure you're in time out until 2023! Do you know how old you'll be?!!!".

Reading: My daughter (only 2) can "read" virtually all of her older brother's Pokeman cards, as well as the words "Burger King", "McDonalds", and "Wal-Mart". Her older siblings are learning to read each others diaries and secret love notes that they just "happen" to find stuffed under each others pillows in secret pockets.

Spelling: My older children have quickly learned to spell things like: snack, ice cream, popsicle, going, Daddy, sleeptime, naptime, and other general words they don't want their 2 yr old sister to know that they're saying. In the meantime, the 2 yr old is learning what s-n-a-c-k, c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e, and n-a-p spells.

Writing: They have been mastering some of their favorite forms of letters and lists:

1) Apologies to each other, parents, and the occasional person in line behind us
2)10 reasons we should continue to homeschool
3)10 things they love about whatever sibling they just inflicted pain to
4)10 things they can do to help me around the house, so I won't ground them until next month

History: My children have learned a lot of general history this school year. Mainly, Mommy's history, such as: when Mommy was younger: she hated to wear underpants, stole some apples from a neighbors' tree, didn't know how to say the "s" sound properly until she learned how to whistle, and dressed up as a Mommy (toilet plunger and all) for career day at school.

Geography: They can now locate the 7 nearest hospitals, 4 closest Wal-Marts, 5 cheapest gas stations, 2 area rest homes, and every rest stop from here to Kansas.

For Science I figured I'd just bring the first 10 liquids and powders that happen to catch my eye. They tend to mix whatever's around to see how it will turn out.

And, finally, Art: Perhaps the giant replicas of mountains they make with our dirty laundry- actually, mountain RANGE would probably be more appropriate since it can stretch from one end of the house to the other.

So, that's what should be my table, truth be told.

I wonder what everyone else will be bringing?

My Little Boy's Growing Up

2008-04-05T09:47:00.003-04:00

Well, my little guy has his first crush- and it's NOT on me, I'm sad to say.

We have a group of homeschoolers that tries to get together each week, and one of the Mom's in the group has become his cupid's target. Her name is Star. When I came to co-op, Aidan saddled right up next to her, and didn't leave her side for most of the time. She offered to take one of the kids to spend the night, and I thought Aidan would kill himself jumping up to offer himself up (what a sacrifice). Unfortunately, I told him no (meanest Mom in the world award, coming right up!), and maybe another time.

Later that evening, Aidan comes up to me, and (absolutely serious) says, "Can Star spend the night at our house, sometime?" Dead serious- and I had to keep a STRAIGHT FACE!!! I told him that maybe Logan or Ariel could spend the night sometime (her kids), but usually Mommies and Daddies don't spend the night at other peoples' houses (he'll found out the whole evil sorded truth about the world in due time. No sense screwing it up now). He went away with his head hung low and feeling completely dejected. His first broken heart.

I'm sure he'll bounce back soon, I saw him eyeing his Primary teacher the other week.

Offending Bandidos

2008-04-05T09:32:00.004-04:00

Okay, so I've offended my share of people in my lifetime (and most of yours, and yours, and....well, you get the drift). But, being ignorantly offensive is not something I wished to pass along to my children. So much for that dream!

We went to Bandido's on Amelia's birthday (birthday girl eats FREE!!). We were sitting around the table with the resteraunt PACKED with people (of course it was packed, no sense offending people if you can't offend a WHOLE BUNCH of them!!), when Amelia notices the little advertisement posted on the table. "Hey!", she says in her not-so-suddle ear-piercing voice, "they have this special on the second Tuesday of the month- THAT'S NEGRO DAY!!" It felt like the walls shook from the vibration of her screaming it at the top of her lungs. Now, I'm sure I'm over-exaggerating it (which, by the way, I hardly EVER do), but at that moment that's EXACTLY what it seemed like. Scott and I stared at each other for a moment (deer meets car headlights), then leaned over to her and seethed as loudly/softly as possible- "DON'T SAY THAT!"

Now, if any of you have seen the new movie "Hairspray", you'll know what she's talking about. Scott and I knew of course (at least I did), but who wants to stand on a chair in the middle of a Mexican resteraunt and explain that in the movie, Negro Day is the day that the Negros were allowed to dance on the Corny Collins Show to the other 400 people. Not me. We kept our heads down and headed out as soon as possible.

By the way, the 15th of April is Negro Day. Happy Dancing.

Driving Me Crazy

2008-02-16T09:50:00.003-05:00

As some of you may, or may not (if my children' haven't gotten to you yet, just wait, they're making their way down the phonebook), know- We had a little "misunderstanding" between the Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles/State Police and myself. They thought I had a suspended driver's liscence, I didn't think I did. You'll never guess who won. I thought it was kind of a tie, until a car crash right before Christmas added points to their side (and to MY insurance) and put them over the edge. AT ANY RATE one of my punishments was to "rent" (at $50 a pop) a safe driver's course from Blockbuster and take the online test. The movie is 4 hours long, and stops at certain intervals to MAKE you take a break before you can pass off your next test (which is timed, by the way, so there's very little cheating possible. Also, they ask you completely unassociated questions to driving- for example "What color was Pam's umbrella in the rain scene." HEY! What if I'm color-blind! It's all GREY!!!). Well, the kids decided they would watch a little with me. It has these little computer-animated cartoon characters (one's a hula-dancer, one's a bobble-head, and one's a pine tree air freshener). I was completely insulted! What kind of idiot do they think I am that I require childish entertainment for a driving course. It turns out, had it not been for these weird characters, I would have fallen asleep after the first 4 minutes. Well, the kids THOROUGHLY enjoyed the movie- ALL 4 HOURS OF IT!! Even Ava sat for almost the ENTIRE program before crashing on the floor and snoring away. We would all gather around the computer (except for Scott, who apparently is "too good" for the criminal crowd) and answer the next succession of questions. If I fail, my liscence would be suspended for 90 days, and NO ONE wanted that! It turns out, the only question I missed was one I asked for Scott's opinion on (I would've gloated more, but let's face it- I'm taking a court-ordered driver's safety course. He had waaaay too much to throw back in my face.). So, the kids and I now both have 4 wonderful hours of driver's safety courses behind us- great, right?

WRONG. The wrongest thing I have ever done in my life is let those kids watch that show. This is now my nightmare life in my car:

I'm innocently driving down the road

Enoch: Did you check your mirrors before you got in? I don't think the left one is positioned well enough.

Me: Thanks Enoch. They're fine. Kate, would you grab my chapstick, please?

Kate: Why? Your not going to put it on why you're DRIVING, are you? Do you remember what it said in the film? No makeup or reading or other stuff where you can't pay attention to the road.

Me: Mumble...grumble....Thanks Kate, just pass me the chapstick.

Kate: Here you go, but don't blame me if we wreck!

Having trouble driving because of red I'm seeing at this point.

Amelia: I don't think you put your blinker on soon enough, that doesn't give the guy behind you enough time to notice that you're turning.

Enoch: Yeah, and you don't have a car's length between you and the car in front of you, either.

Me: I'm parking!! Of course I don't! When you're parking, you don't NEED to have a cars length.

Ava: Wong? Wong Mommy, Wong? (Ava's word for 'what's wrong?')

Me: Nothing. Don't worry about it.

Aidan: Why is your face red like that? Do you have a sunburn?

Me: No. Get out of the car. Let's run into Wal-Mart.

Amelia: Run in. That reminds me of the time when that lady ran into us and you didn't have your driver's liscence and you were completely illegal, and they could've taken you to jail because you didn't follow the law.

Me: Thanks, Nancy Drew, for the re-cap.

You'd better believe I'm gearing up for driver's ed with these guys! Payback's not so pretty, just you wait!

Lost

2008-02-01T12:41:00.000-05:00

I woke up the other morning, around 7am, to find my bare heiney wiggling.

Yep, wiggling, all on its lonesome.

Turns out, sometime during the night/morning Ava (who had been sleeping with Scott and I since this wonderful RSV bug hit) had wedged her ten bare little piggies into the back of my baggy (now I see WAAAY too baggy) sweatpants and against my bare bum.

I reached down and pulled her feet out, and she yelled (still very much asleep) "MY SHOES! MY SHOES! I LOST MY SHOES!!"

Come on, Ava. It's not THAT big!

Dontcha just love kids. A laugh a minute.

SeaSmells

2008-01-24T11:39:00.001-05:00

Scott came up to me in Wal-Mart a while ago and said that Ava had spent the last aisle yelling out "FECES! FECES!! FECES!". Neither one of us could figure out what she was talking about, so we kind of forgot about it.

A few weeks later, Ava was in bed reading a book next to me, when she yells out "CRAP! CRAP!! LOOK MOMMY, CRAP! CRAP AND FECES!!" I looked at the page of the book and burst out laughing. Scott came in, and I showed him the page. It was a page of the ocean with crap (crab) and feces (fishies) all over it.

Drowning

2008-01-24T08:37:00.000-05:00

Here's the deal. Sinus infections are becoming the number one killer of comfort in our home right now, that's what lead me to make the drastic decision you are about to read about. WARNING: If you are any bit squeemish, don't continue reading

There are a few things in life that make my stomache do little icky-flips, one is the P*** word that refers to the white part of infection (yep, stomache just did it and I didn't even type the word), another is the sucking thing at the dentists office (my children WILL know of the sacrifices I made just to stay by their side during those moments they spent in the chair, and I spent trying not to hurl), and the third is sticking, spraying, poking, or putting ANYTHING into one's nose. I'm not sure if it started when Aidan had to have the tube up his nose, or when I actually had to do it for him, or it's something that happened at a much younger age that I chose to block out. I DO know that it was renewed with a passion when I witnessed a lady during one of our CHURCH MEETINGS stick a nasal spray up her nose and blast away. I took a running stumble out the door to save myself (and the janitor) any further embarassment.

That little history being said, I spoke with my Mom2, and she told me about a possible solution to our sinus issues. (Had I seen what was coming, I would have stopped her right here). She said they make these (okay, my nose is hurting already), little POTS where you put warm water in, you tilt your head (okay, gagging now) and pour it INTO YOUR NOSE. (I can reel it rising now). THERE'S MORE!!! It doesn't just run INTO your nose, IT COMES OUT THE OTHER SIDE!!! (Must take a break. Be back after some fresh air.)

Okay. There are a few things that I never could, nor would want to, picture my Mom2 doing. One is burping for a prolonged period of time, two is passing noisy, smelly gas, and three STICKING SOMETHING UP HER NOSE AND HAVING IT COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE.
(another break)

Back again. So, Scott comes home last week after being diagnosed from the doctor with a serious sinus infection and pinkeye. I went and got him all of his good little drugs from the store, then remember what his Mom had told me about flushing her brains/sinuses/eyeballs out. They didn't have any little "teapots" but they did have this spray bottle, so you don't have to tilt your head. (I can see now I won't be having breakfast this morning). I let him us it in private, and wanted to know nothing about it....until a few days later when my sinuses were so bad I thought I would have to stick chopsticks in my facial oracles to dig out the crud. I asked Scott how it had gone (had to stop him a few times to catch my breath). He said it was a little 'strange', etc., etc. So I decided to try it. What an idiot.

I closed the door to the bathroom and approached the innocent-enough looking bottle (the great deceiver). I filled the water and added the little packet of "magic dust". I spent a few moments bent over the toilet, then regained my composure. I stuck it up my nose....then took it down again. WHAT AM I DOING?! Perhaps if I were going to win $1 million on Fear Factor or something!....Then, I just did it before I could think about it. Stuck it right up there and sprayed my heart out.

Stop reading if your wretching. I know I am. In fact, I'm not even going to bother to go back and spell check this, writing it is enough.

#1 You know that feeling when you go off the high board into the swimming pool and breathe up your nose as hard as you can as soon as you hit the water? If not, try to imagine. That's what it felt like.

#2 You can actually trace the path of the water, up your nose, through your eyeballs, into your ears, up over your brain. I'm not sure if I was crying because of the incident or because the water was leaking out of my eyeballs.

#3 It goes down the back of your throat (wretch.)

#4 It almost immediately starts pouring out of the other side of your nose. This should be the ultimate 'do I want to marry this person' test- having to watch the love of your life do this.

#5 NOTHING CAME OUT!!! Not a single green dollop, yellowish stringy stuff- NOTHING!!!

#6 After you think you're all done, like an hour later, you bend over to pick something up and another cup and a half of water will pour out of your nose with NO WARNING WHATSOEVER. Note: If you are single, this would not be a good thing to happen during a date. If you're married, this would be hilarious, and great material to use later in life.

#7 When you lay down, the other cup that didn't find it's way out your nose, will run down the back of your throat, essentially trying to drown you. Or make you throw up. Or both.

So, if this doesn't sound like it's for you, I would recommend the chopsticks.

Employment

2008-01-23T17:06:00.000-05:00

I posted the following information on our large hall bulletin board yesterday, after pulling most of what was left of my hair out trying to get the kids to get things done. Call it inspiration- call it desperation- I call it a shot in the dark, but it's worth a try. The 'salaries' spoken of will be paid every week directly into a savings account. They must have a minimum of $25 in the account. After that, they can only with draw $10/transaction up to 2 transactions per month. Every two weeks we will give them a bonus of 10% of whatever is still in their account (we're hoping this will encourage them to keep more in it).

They are happy that we are doing this "fun stuff" instead of having to do "school stuff". heh. heh. heh.

HELP WANTED

POSITIONS AVAILABLE:

Schedule Planner/Poster- 1/2 hour training meeting required. Will keep track of all activities on both an individual calander (which must be kept with them at all times) and on the posted family calander. Must be sure that activities are attended on time (will need to post times to leave) and must decide between two actvities that may be scheduled at the same time. Will make any calls needed to verify time and location and any RSVPs. Each morning will post a list of activities planned for that day according to the calendars.

Salary: Up to $5.00 per week. Initial $2 bonus for attending training and you will be given a free small calendar.

Accountant- Must attend a one hour budgeting class. Will keep track of all money coming into and going out of our accounts (with parental guidance). Will have access to our on-line banking account and be responsible for 'reconciling' accounts. Must make sure that all bills are paid on time, each person is paid for their job, and tithing is taken care of. This job requires a great deal of math, and will require a minimum of ½ hour each evening keeping track of receipts, etc.

Salary: From $7.50 to $10.00 per week. Initial $4 bonus and budgeting notebook.

Menu planner/assistant cook- Will require an initial 1 ½ – 2 hour class learning the computer menu and initial planning menu. Will be responsible for laying out and printing up a rotating 3 week menu, including lunch, dinner, and snacks. Will assist cook on days when no assignment is made, or that person is unable to help. Will also be responsible for the weekly grocery list and helping with coupons and sale ads. Wednesday evenings will be an hour planning meeting with Mom/Dad.

Salary: From $7.50 to $10.00. Initial $4 bonus for attending menu planning class.

Teaching planner/assistant- 1 ½ hour training meeting required. Will be required to assist in planning each students schedule for that day, helping to check and grade papers and using the Homeschool Tracker online. Will also help to ensure Zone cleanings are done, and if not, mark it down online and help Mom/Dad to finish up work. Will also help plan and carry out any field trips, library trips, and other events. Will NOT be responsible for bossing others around. That job is already taken.

Salary: From $5.00 to $7.00. Initial $5 bonus for attending training.

Anyone who is interested in applying for these jobs must fill out an application. If you need help, please ask for assistance from a brother or sister. These jobs require dedication and exactness. If you are unable to complete your duties, you will be dismissed from your job and it will be re-posted for others to apply for. There is a one week trial period for all applicants. Following which, they will be required to meet again with management to discuss how well they are doing.

Application Form

Instruction: Please fill out the following form IN FULL. Please use your best cursive (over 9 yrs old) or regular handwriting. Write in complete sentences and use correct punctuation. All of this will be considered when management reviews the applications. Please include a second job choice, as well. Remember, you are trying to impress us, try your best and give us as much information as possible.

Full Name:______________________________________________

Age:_________________________________________

Which position are you applying for: _________________________

What talents and abilities do you have that would make this a good job for you to do: _________________________________________________
________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

How much time are you able to give to this job:___________________ ________________________________________________________

Are you willing to follow ALL of managements instructions regarding either of these jobs, even if you think it isn't necessary: circle one: yes no

What position would you be interested in if the first job was not available: ________________________________________________________

What talents and abilities do you have that would make this a good job for you to do: _________________________________________________
________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________

Do you understand that your off-the-job behavior will affect your work position as well. For example, if you are caught lying or stealing, you would be immediately dismissed from any job dealing with money. If you are caught being rude or bossy, you would be dismissed from any teaching position. There is a two-strike rule on any given day, however, if you reach the second strike on multiple days, that will lead to a dismissal as well. If you are dismissed, you will not be paid for the remainder of the week. Do you understand these instructions? YES NO
(if no, please circle and we will discuss it when we call you in for your interview).

I have read all of the above information and verify that all of the information I have given is correct to the best of my knowledge.

Signature

Feeling Overwhelmed

2008-01-14T20:22:00.000-05:00

I hope my Moms won't mind me sharing this with you. It's a poem I wrote with both of them in mind. My Mom is always doing for others, and has taught me the great importance of service and giving- unfortunately, we sometimes forget the exhaustion and feelings of 'Is it worth it?-Did it matter?'. My "other Mother" (my husband's Mom), is sometimes so involved in so many Church callings that I wonder how she ever manages to get up in the morning. And yet, get up she does. With a smile on her face, and a willing heart. And yet, I see the question in her face, too- 'Can I really do this?-Will He hold me up?'.

The answer is He will, and He does.

These two women will never be on pedestals, and yet, no two people deserve to be on one more. The world would be a better place if everyone could reflect their selfless love and service for others. God could always use extra hands.

TO MY MOM'S:

The phone just rang, I sit and stare
I wonder now who needs me where?
It's Anna and her cat just died-
I sat and listened while she cried.

I picked up Sister Clonskies boy
(who just threw up on Tommy's toys).
I organized six funerals,
It only took 400 calls.

I sat and rocked the nursery kids,
Because their teacher ran and hid,
I've organized my food supply,
Delivered 14 apple pies,

I've checked each sister that I visit,
(Even one who went to prison),
Served until my bones all creak,
Postponed my meals so others can eat.

Exhausted now, I end my day
And kneel beside my bed to pray.
Instantly, I fall asleep
(The spirit's willing, flesh is weak)

When seized upon by warmth and grace
I look toward a loving face.
And then He speaks those words I know
Will travel with me when I go-

"My dearest child, you're weary,
You've lent to me your hands.
Sometimes there aren't enough on earth
To keep up the demand.
But, see your priceless actions
As a beacon to the world,
For when they see your selflessness
They'll hearken to My Word.
And though your hands are calloused,
And pained from all you do
You touch the one's I cannot reach,
You keep them in My view.
My hands and heart can reach the ones
Who look to find Me there,
But others who've been overcome
Choose other paths to wear.
So when these tasks begin to seem
To take upon your life,
Just look to Me, I'll hold you close
And lift you to the light.
Forever I'll be grateful
That you saw each child of Mine
As worthy to receive My love
Through your hands, divine."

Destroying Innocence

2007-12-19T20:53:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to tell you how I completely crushed the innocence of my 10 year old daughter, Amelia.

While sitting around the table, working on Christmas presents, I decided that Enoch and Amelia (12 and 10 1/2) were old enough to hear the big, fat truth about the guy in red. I asked Enoch and Amelia if they knew about Santa, and Enoch said, "Yeah, I've known for a while. Nathan told me a long time ago." Amelia, stunned, said "What do you mean?" "Well, there's no ONE PERSON that is Santa. Santa is actually the spirit of giving that is in all of us. When you're little, the best way to show a child is by using a wonderful, jolly, bearded man to represent this. But, now that you're older, I just wanted to make sure you know. I also wanted to know if you guys want to help fill the stockings and set out the presents this year?" Enoch was eccstatic, saying "I was going to write you a letter and ask you if I could!!" Amelia simply said "Oh. I wondered why I found the boxes from the fruit snacks (we had put in their stockings the previous year) in the basement. I never ate them because I always wondered how old the food was, so I always threw it away."

We kept working a while, then I said, "Do you guys want to know how I learned about the Easter Bunny?" Amelia's face was totally blank and she said, "What do you mean?".

Time froze for just a moment.

Do I let my beautiful, innocent, 10 yr old girl remain in fairytale land a little longer, or do I bring my huge massive boot down to crush her little innocence into a million pieces. "Uhhhhh. The Easter Bunny isn't real either, Mimi."

Big Boot.

"It ISN'T?!" She said, mortified. I might as well have brought in a cute bunny and savagely beat it to death in front of her.

Maybe it's the Asperger's that makes her sweetly gullible, or maybe just because she's related to my side of the family (remind me to tell you about optional stop signs), but while she finally grasped the concept of Santa, apparently it stopped there.

"The Tooth Fairy, however is very real." I replied. She seemed content in knowing that.

You'll probably be seeing us on Dr. Phil.

Merry Christmas!

Tanya

Confession time

2007-12-14T03:58:00.000-05:00

It's 3:59 AM. I thought Dr. Pepper and I had a mutual understanding. I would drink it, and it would keep me awake during the day, enough to accomplish just enough to be useful. Well, he certainly went a little overboard this time, hence the early morning blog.

Now, to get a few things off my chest from tonight.

We have 5 children, as most of you know, and four of them sleep in one of the bedrooms in two sets of bunkbeds. Each night we go through this ritual of: Parents: "Good night guys, turn your lights out and NO TALKING"
Kids: Giggling and laughing "Did you guys here something?" "Nope." "Me neither." "Check this stuff out, it sounds like a REAL FART!"
*Loud obnoxious noise followed by peals of laughter*
Parents: "I SAID GO TO BED! I MEAN IT! IF I HEAR ANOTHER WORD, YOU'LL GO TO BED RIGHT AFTER DINNER TOMORROW!! NOW GOOD NIGHT!!"
The Baby: Knowing she's being left out of all the fun "I sweep wiff guys. Pweeeese! I sweep wiff guys."
Parents: "See, now you've gone and woken the baby! Now GET INTO BED AND KNOCK IT OFF!
Kids: "Shhhhhh. I think they heard us." "What now?" "Maybe we should lay down."
*Intense fits of laughter mixed with shhhhhh*
Parents: "Do you think that we can't hear that?! Well, we can hear every word, EVERY SINGLE WORD!" (okay, get ready for the part I will need to repent of later) "And even if we don't hear it, we have it all recorded on the hidden camera!"
*dead silence*
Dad: "Huh?" Mom: "Just go with me on this one."
*a few minutes pass*
Kid: "Mooooooooom."
Mom, entering kids room: "What. You guys are supposed to be asleep."
Kids: "What do you mean a hidden camera?"
Mom: "You know those cameras that are so small they can fit in a pin-sized hole, or a teddy bears eye? It can pick up the image of an entire room, even in pitch black, and it has remarkable sound quality."
Kids (thouroughly intrigued, scanning every inch of the room with their eyes, paying close attention to their stuffed animals): "You mean you're, like, watching us on a TV?"
Mom, knowing that she must answer carefully or they will hamm it up for the camera: "No, it's automatically downloaded onto a safedrive on the computer where we can access any specific time or date."
Kids, surprised that Mom knows anything about a computer: "Oooooooooh."
Mom: "Don't go looking for it either, because if you find it, it means you will have broken it, and that's a very expensive piece of equipment." (Yeah, like the cost of selling your soul for some much needed quiet time)
*10 minutes later*
Kids: "Mom. Would the light burn it up or catch it on fire?"
Mom: "NO. NOW GO TO SLEEP."
Kid: "Mom. I think Aidan found the camera and broke it!"
Mom: "No he didn't. If he had, a loud shrieking alarm would have gone off on the computer, summoning the local police department that our monitor had been tampered with. Now GO TO SLEEP!!"
*15 minutes pass, a little footy-pajamad boy slinks into the living room rubbing his eyes. He carefully approaches his Mom and whispers in her ear*
Kid: "Mom, I found the camera, but I didn't break it. I just wanted you to know that I know where it is and I won't touch it, that way if it gets broken, you'll know it wasn't me."
Mom: "Thanks sweetie. Good night."
Kid: "'Night."

So there it is. My confession. I'm not sufficiently humble yet to tell the truth, but I feel a little better getting it off of my chest with you. Now for the second one:

I woke up at 1:24 this morning, and my mind drifted to the refrigerator we have in our garage. In it contains a bowl of sugar cookie dough. Calling me....inviting me....tempting me. Some of you may, or may not know, that I have recently lost 55 lbs, so I was certain the beckoning came straight from the devil himself. I am proud to say that I resisted him. at 1:25 in the morning. At 3:31 in the morning, however, I gave in, went to the freezing cold garage and got me a handful of dough. Closing the fridge, I turned around and realized that if this wasn't enough and I wanted more, I'd have to go all the way out to the cold garage again (the thought never occurred to me that I could just go without), so I turned around and got another handful. Yes, no spoon, completely primitive. I walked back to bed, eating my handful of dough. After finishing the first, and setting the second on my nightstand while I snuggled into bed, full and happy, I realized that when the kids woke up, there would be the cookie dough- totally busted. So I did the only reasonable thing and unreasonable person would do. I ate the rest of it. So here I am, confessing, and wishing that I could throw up. I never want to see cookie dough again. That's what I get.

A Final Farewell to a long lost friend

2007-12-12T10:49:00.000-05:00

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, which only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

-Author unknown

A Bitter Homeschoolers Wish List

2007-12-06T16:05:00.000-05:00

I'm not the bitter homeschooler. At least not this year. I'm still in the "overwhelmed homeschooler" stage. I've only come across a few people that find what I'm doing to my children repulsive. That's okay, I've seen their kids, and knowing they were brought up in public school, I know I can't do any worse. So, enjoy the brilliance of someone else for a change:

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, don't say anything at all!

Funny (but stolen) Comments on Motherhood

2007-11-16T10:11:00.001-05:00

A Mother's Resolutions

- I will resist the urge to explain to strangers why my son is wearing winter boots, a bathing suit bottom, and an inside-out and backward pajama top. I will be grateful that he is able to dress himself.

- When I forget to go to the grocery store, I will not boil the macaroni necklaces my children made for me in preschool.

- When I hear one of my children wake in the middle of the night, I will run upstairs to supervise before he relieves himself in the sink and then creeps into the bathtub to return to sleep.

- I will not tell my children that the Play-Doh dried up just because I don't feel like cleaning up after they use it, even though I know it means I'll spend the evening harvesting the colored stuff from the carpet fibers, chair cushions and the dog's fur.

- I will always protect the rights of my children, especially their right to remain silent.

-. I will learn to accept the outbursts and tantrums as a part of life. After all, I promised to love my husband for better or worse.

- When my husband and I go to a restaurant without the kids, I will not roll up his sleeves or move the knives from his reach. I will not accompany him to the bathroom and remind him to wash his hands with soap. If my husband wants dessert at the end of the meal, I will not tell him it depends on his behavior.

Carol Pozos
LaPorte County Contact/County Contact & Special Needs Advisors Program Manager

A Big Load of Crap

2007-10-22T11:59:00.000-04:00

Yeah, yeah, I know...it's been forever again.....blah...blah....

So, just the other day (really, it was quite a few weeks ago), we got the chance to visit a good friend of ours in the Branch- Robin. She lives on a "REAL LIVE FARM" as Aidan and Kate called it. She let us come over and "farmer" around for a bit. It was probably the world's best day, ranking right up there with Disneyworld. The kids got to play with her two beautiful dogs (one was a sheltie- a definate reincarnation of Kate's Elvis dog). We also got to sweep out the goat pen and put down bedding for them for the winter. The kids were eating it up, every moment better than the next. We also got to check the chicken coop for eggs (yep! They had some all ready for us!), and climb all over her giant hay stack. Robin was brave enough to hop on up there, I, on the other hand, chose to stay on solid ground to catch any falling Hepworths (or Nessels). The kids also got to mix together the medicine mixture for the horses and hold onto their lead while waiting. They all agreed that trying to keep hold of a giant horse was a TON easier than trying to keep hold of a 2 year old little girl. The two funest moments though: They got to milk a REAL GOAT!!! (And their Mom actually got sprayed in the mouth with milk!!) They even had a tall glass of cold goat's milk. Everyone was a little leary, but good 'ole Ava sucked down most of what everyone else didn't finish! Then, came the best of the best. Poop. Not just a bit, thought, LOTS of it- EVERYWHERE!! And they got to SHOVEL IT!!! They fought over who would get the biggest shovel, and who would get to shovel first, and they'd yell at each other if someone shoveled more than they were allowed. Yes. Horse Poo. I've never seen Kate and Aidan work so hard in my entire life. I've thought about going back to Robin's each week, loading the van up with horse manure, spreading it all around the house, leaving out some shovels, and hope that it's as much fun here as it was there. It may be the only way to get our home clean on a regular basis!

Taking a public shower

2007-09-25T09:49:00.001-04:00

I usually shower without my contacts in (or glasses on, obviously), so I'm blind going into it. I figure I know where everything is (both in the shower and on me) so I don't really need to see- in fact, I'd rather not to be quite honest. So, imagine my surprise when I took a late afternoon shower the other day, contacts in, and found an audience waiting for me. Just as I'm slathering up, I noticed the first one, with a smirk on his face and his tongue sticking out- Blue. You know, from Blue's Clues. Bad enough that he's staring, but to so publicly mock me was embarassing. I turned so I wouldn't have to face him, and found Dora and Pikachu in a permanent state of shock (or disgust, or unbelief...something like that). Turning again, I find an army of little people and animals all staring with their eyes wide and unblinking. As if they've never seen something as disgustingly obscene as what is standing in front of them. I tried moving them all to the corner, where they fell into the bathtub looking straight UP at me. I kicked them around as quickly as I could so they couldn't get that quick of a look, and finished my shower in record time.

I'm sure I heard them laughing even as I ran out with my robe clutched around me.

Special Edition/Paper Pimping

2007-09-19T15:12:00.000-04:00

Extwa! Extwa! Wead all abowt it! Speshel edition newspapaw!

How could you possibly resist that?

Well, that's what we were bankin' on when we got Aidan all dressed up like the old-fashion newsies to hand out special editions for the ACD parade (old cars) in Auburn. The kids earned $.25 for each paper they sold, and the winner (whoever sold the most) would get an additional $50. I volunteered Aidan, and Mia and Kate decided they wanted to do it, as well. So, we scrounged around and found some pioneer hats and dresses, and we all headed over to collect the papers. We could take 20 at a time, then when they were sold, you had to walk back to get more. Not exactly convenient, but hey, we're talkin' cold, hard, cash for kids. No convenience required. Scott was assigned to take Amelia and Kate around (while pushing Ava in the stroller) and keep an eye on them, while Enoch and I went around with Aidan to keep an eye on him. Let me tell you, there were a bunch of other kids that had been selling for a while, and they were out for BLOOD! They would butt in front of a line of people we were going up to, just to cut us off. It's a good thing I have at least minimal restraint, or I would have wedgied them 'till they saw stars. Well, we finally got down what Aidan was to say: "Would you please like to buy a special edition newspaper." We had tried going with "Would you like to buy..." but thought the cute little "please, like to buy" was pleading sounding enough without being begging. Of course, in Aidan-tongue it came out like "Would you pwease wike to buy a speshel edishon newspapaw. It's onwy a dower." Hook. Line. And sinker. We had people buying papers from us that had already purchased one. Who could resist a face like that? And, of course, the "accent", multiplied by the outfit- we were shoe-ins for the $50. Oh, I mean HE was a shoe-in for the $50. We finally found our pot o' gold- the restaurant. Just a little Mom and Pop joint, but the only one opened for the massive crowd of people showing up for the parade. It was packed, and every 20 minutes or so, the entire clientele would change. Fresh meat. He was able to sell to just about every table every time we went in. We had to do a little mad-dash and hiding to avoid the other "paper-bullies" from spotting our goldmine, but we kept it to ourselves the whole time. After we had gotten our second stack of 20, we came across a very sullen and unhappy Mia and Kate (and Ava who was screaming and writhing as if icyhot were lining her diaper). Now, no offense to Daddy (who I know will be reading this), but if you want an outspoken, in-your-face salesman- look further- MUCH further. This wasn't his "cup of tea" you might say. Our boys were bursting at the seams to share their "golden" spot, when the girls said they had only sold 4 papers. Our wonderful sons, considerate, kind, compassionate and not wanting to rub it in, loudly proclaimed, "IS THAT ALL??!! Man! We've sold almost 30!!!!" and proudly displayed there second, near-empty bag. That went over well. Amelia stomped her feet and declared that she was FINISHED and going home RIGHT NOW, Ava wailed in agreement, and we offered to take Kate with us. (How horrible of a Mom am I to consider this as having to "drag" her along- yep, that's what I thought). Sooooooo, Scott took screaming Mimi and Ava home to rest, while Enoch and I tried to enlighten Kate on the proper art of begging. Cute as she is, she was terrified of going up to people. We had decided that they would each take turns with every new person, but whenever it was Kate's turn, she would chicken out at the last minute, which would then be too late for Aidan to work his magic. (Are all parent's this obsessed with making sure their kid is THE BEST? Even over the others?) Well, we finally got things moving along at a good speed. We let Kate work her magic in the "goldmine" restaurant, which picked up her spirits and bravery. We went back for our next two bags of twenty papers each, and decided to walk the parade route- in the street! The other "newsies" were among the crowds, but here we were- Aidan blasting loud enough for both him and Kate- "EXTWA! EXTWA! WEAD ALL ABOWT IT!" The people were stumbling over themselves to get a paper and a picture taken with our little "newsies". Not even two blocks into the long parade route we realized we were out of papers again! This was the beginning of our demise. By this time, the other newskids had noticed, but hadn't been brave enough to cut in front of us in the street. But, as soon as I had to run back to get more papers, they came out of the crowd like cockroaches when the lights go out. They were everywhere. We only sold about 20 more or so the rest of the parade route, though. I must admit, a favorite part was when a lady came running out of her house yelling "Newspaper boy! Oh, little newspaper boy!" Aidan came running for her, when out of the blue comes this little......OTHER paperboy who said "Here's One!!" The lady looked at him, and said, "No, I wanted one from HIM." A PROUD mother moment. She likes MY kid better then THAT kid! She ended up buying one from both of them. Oh, well. Throw 'em a little scrap, too. (Of course, all of these evil 2nd grade thoughts are kept to myself, except when I spill them to all of you. But, then again, I say these things knowing that SURELY I'm not the only one thinking them at one time or another. Just the only one stupid enough to admit it.)

After selling papers from 9:30 to 2:30, we settled on a friend's porch for some much-deserved and welcomed ice cream sandwiches and watched the rest of the parade. Although Aidan doesn't know it, he made over $30 in tips alone. We put all the money together and divided it evenly among Enoch, Kate, and Aidan (with a little extra for Enoch and Aidan because they sold the lion's share). When Mimi saw me passing out the "massive" wad of bills and coins, she proudly stuck her hand out as well. I dropped two quarters in them. She was horrified. "That's IT?!" "How many papers did you sell?", I asked her. "Two, but how come THEY get all THAT money?" "Because they worked for it.". Don't you just hate that lesson as a kid?

Well, apparently the contest was rigged, because my kids didn't win. And, after all, isn't that what's important? To be MORE accurate, to the kids the MONEY was the most important this day, and according to the guy passing out the cash, Aidan had more tips then he's ever seen doing this.

So, we did a little garage saling after so they could buy themselves something "special".

I promise I'll be back soon!

Coming up:

Homeschooling Hell Week
Horsin' around with Poop
Wanted: Tanya Hepworth/Field Trip to Prison to Visit Mom

Can't wait, can ya?!!

'Till next blog....

More camping photos

2007-07-11T14:23:00.000-04:00

More pictures for your viewing enjoyment!

Hell's Canyon

2007-07-11T14:13:00.001-04:00

Okay, okay, okay. I know it's been a lifetime since I last blogged (a month to be more specific), and Scott keeps telling me to blog about our camping trip. He thinks I'll put a nice "spin" on it. What does that mean? Does he not think that what I type is the way it really is? I believe he thinks I embellish a bit- PISH TOSH!!

So, now on to our camping trip!

A couple of Friday's ago, we went with the Winter family up to the Dunes in Michigan. It was a gorgeous day, and a pleasant ride up there. We set up our family tent, and Aidan and Enoch set up the tent Aidan had received for his birthday. The boys, of course, immediately wanted a fire in the fire pit (the little pyro's they are). They were sorely disappointed to hear that there would be no flames until later that evening. We got unpacked, and decided to drive up to the beach. It was gorgeous and practically deserted! We soon found out the two reasons why: 1) We should have recognized by the dried up corpses along the loooong sandy hills (okay, not HUGE hills, but to these thighs, they were big enough) to the beach, that it would be more than a pleasant jaunt to the beach. But, we chose to look the other way and continue merrily for about two minutes until all of us, but the kids, were questioning whether the beach was REALLY worth it. We finally made it to the beach (with only a few stops for emergency oxygen) to discover the reason for the deserted beach #2) Ice water. The lake was all but frozen over. Oh, sure, it looked pleasant enough from a distance (and before walking over the physically draining sand hills), but one toe in, and you were all but a frost-bite victim. So, while the adults stayed a safe distance from the water (and contemplated who would illegally drive a vehicle to the beach to pick us up so we wouldn't have to walk back), the kids played in the lake (these are the same kids that won't touch bath water unless it's at least a mild hot tub). Scott and I stood watching, playing rock, scissors, paper, to see who would have to go in after the drowning victims when their body became paralyzed by the shock. Okay, we didn't really play rock, scissors, paper, but I let him know that it wasn't going to be me going in (although, looking at it from a scientific standpoint now, I have a lot more layers of...well, let's just call it warmth, on my body than he does). While the kids played in the lake, and made sand forms around their bodies, Ava took the opportunity to taste the cuisine at the beach- namely the sand. I don't think she much cared for it, even though to make sure she tried it several times. Well, since no one volunteered to drive down to the beach, we made the trek back up (which seemed much longer and more difficult) to get changed. We de-sanded the kids (baby powder is a miracle worker when it comes to this), and headed back to camp.

After lunch and getting Ava to nap for a little bit, the kids and Scott decided to go to climb the dunes. I had seen the dunes from the lake, and there was no way I was going to have anything to do with it. My "dune" was the walk back from the beach. Scott took the walkie-talkies, and just a few minutes into their trail hiking, he radioed back to say there was a dune right around the corner, and we'd have to come see it! So, after getting Ava ready, Toni and their family and I went to the base of THE DUNE. Now, I know Scott thinks I embellish, but this thing had to be AT LEAST a thousand miles high, and set at an 80 degree angle. And here are my kids, going up and down- SEVERAL TIMES!!! Even Scott was in on the action. Apparently, my moron gene kicked in, because I thought I would give it a try- and WITH AVA to boot. Maybe it was self-punishment for all of the lack of exercise I'd been getting this summer and I felt the need to let my body know how disappointed I was in it that it wasn't doing a better job of getting in shape. As if a 30 mile climb up a steep sandy embankment will make up for birthing 5 kids and eating meatloaf for breakfast. I guess I was willing to give it a go! So, up I went. I tried walking up it with Ava, but gave that up just a little bit into it and had to crawl on my hands and knees. Ava kept up pretty good- okay, so maybe she passed me a few times, and I had to drag her back to keep up (down?) with me. After sweating and climbing for what seemed like an eternity, I looked back and was no more than 10 feet from the bottom. Now I was just plain mad at myself- look at these kids and other people- no problem for them! If nothing else, I was going to make it to the top just to prove to myself that I could do it. Well, about halfway up, when I'm seeing mirages of sno-cone stands, I realized that who am I to have to prove something to myself? I'm a good person whether I make it to the top or not. Pretty much just self-soothing so when I have a heart-attack and they wheel me away, I'll feel better about the effort. But, NO- I continued- Good 'ole Scott stood at the top taking pictures (in anticipation of the ever-impending heart attack, I'm sure. Would make a great you-tube posting!) About 2/3 of the way up I was about to die (probably for the 10th time) when Mimi comes trotting down the hill, stops next to me and says- "I'll run down and bring you up a water bottle" In my hazy state of delusion she looked like she had wings. So she bounced down the hill, and skipped back up it in the time it took me to drag Ava and my body all of another 3 feet- only to have slid down another two. Water was a great relief, even if it did have sand in it. At this point I had to throw Ava up a ways and wedge my arm under her bottom so she wouldn't slide back down while I drug myself up a few more inches. I didn't feel as bad as the guy right behind me though, who's wife/girlfriend/? kept shouting from the top "Look honey! Even that little baby can do it! (referring to Ava) Keep going!!" The mumble under his breath was his response. Hey, I feel your pain! Not to mention, that the baby is doing it only because her Mom is pushing her from behind (filling her pampers to maximum sand capacity, thus multiplying her weight by 10). Bless Scott, though. When we neared the top, he came down to get Ava and help her (I must have looked pretty close to death by that point) and the kids were cheering me all the way. How can you not make it to the top with fans like that? After reaching the top looooong after everyone had that had started when I did, I stood (partly to make sure my legs still worked) to take in the view. Ummmmmmm. There were trees. Ummmmmm. And some more dunes. I'm not sure what I expected, but this sure wasn't it. I figured I'd climbed high enough to reach heaven, or something. I WAS taken back,however, by the view "from whence I came". It really gave me quite a perspective on my life. We have all of these struggles that we sweat, and grit our teeth, and DON'T want to do. And, quite frankly, we don't HAVE to do them. We can sit around and complain about how hard it would be, and that we'd rather not. Or, we can suck it up, get on with it, and "endure to the end". There may not even be anything truly spectacular at the end of "the trial", but what is spectacular, is knowing where you are, and looking at where you've come from.

Okay, enough philosophy...

We finished the dunes (coming down was waaaaaay better, but still not worth the trip up), and came back to camp for dinner. Ahhhhh, yes- FIRE! Except that, to make it cruel a little longer, we used our grill, so poor Aidan had to do without 3rd degree burns for just a little longer. After getting settled into a s'more induced stupor, I decided to lay Ava down for bed. It was, after all, past her bedtime by almost 2 hours. I laid her down next to me, and stayed as still as possible. I continued to stay still as she: jumped on my back and stomach, ran around the tent singing "happy campy", jumped on my rear then slid down the side, and stuck her nose right up to my face to see if I was still awake. Yes, I was. After what seemed like 10 hours, she finally settled in for the night- or so we thought. It couldn't have been much past 1 am when she first started screaming. We were able to settle her down. At least for a little while. She started up again at 3. Then 3:20. 3:50. She slept again for a little while longer- all the way until 5:00 am. At which point Scott tossed her over the other kids to me. Nothing like a screaming baby coming flying through the air at you at 5 in the morning. I took the hint that she was now MY child to deal with. I took her outside and sat her in one of the camp chairs, while I stretched out on two others and tried to sleep. She looked quite happy. Apparently her mission was accomplished. But,not for long. It seems that just having me awake wasn't enough, she felt that the ENTIRE campground should join us as well, and the screaming began. I finally brought her to the van, and strapped her in her car seat, I climbed in the front and tried to wait it out. Apparently I'm not nearly as patient at 6 in the morning as I would have liked. I finally stormed out of the van, flung the tent flap open, and announced (louder than probably necessary) that I was done, and HIS daughter was out in the van screaming her head off. He finally tromped out and joined her in the van. I lovingly refer to our tent that night as "Hell's Canyon". I'm pretty sure that's what hell sounds like- weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth included. And the fact that when everything around you is absolutely silent, a scream like hers echoes for miles (and hours). So much for toddler camping. Now I know why people buy campers- so they can shut out noise from people like us. The next morning I was certain people were walking by our campsite just to see "the ones". I thought that if we started doing sign language to each other and pretend we're deaf, maybe they would understand, but I can't stay quiet that long, so we just nodded and waved as people walked by and whispered.

Such was the camping trip. We brought back the typical camping woes: Sunburn, leg cramps, sore back, exhaustion,and 2nd degree burns, but HEY! Isn't that what camping is all about?

Call our house Krypton

2007-06-16T23:03:00.000-04:00

Don’t tell him I noticed, but I think Superman is getting a little thin on top, if you know what I mean.

They put this big, crazy looking superguy up on the movie screen, and TELL you he’s superman, but that’s not the real one. The real one lives at our house. His supersuit is hidden deep beneath the day to day uniform of slacks and a shirt. He doesn’t fly as much as he used to, but he is still able to save the world, one child at a time. In fact, just last month, Superman was able to get four children ready for church- on time and by himself. Still faster than a speeding bullet. And although he doesn’t leap tall buildings in a single bound anymore, he still manages to get around the heaped up piles of laundry in our house without breaking a leg. Another impossible feat that the “so-called” movie superman could never do.

The real Superman can: manage to work 40 hours, give a blessing to everyone who calls during the week, do the dishes, fix the cars, mow the grass, attend his meetings, ride his bike, answer at least 50 questions a day on why things smell/look/work the way they do, snuggle with snugglers, read with the readers, bathe the stinky ones, change the messy ones, comfort the crying ones, calm down the screaming ones, and still give his wife a kiss at the end of the night and tell her that he loves her.

That Superman on the big screen? What a fake. Superman lives at our house.

Another Katie Joke-just in time for Dad's Day

2007-06-16T19:19:00.000-04:00

Scott comes into the house after using his new Father's Day grill and tells me that I may not let him cook hotdogs on it anymore because 4 of them fell off. I asked him if he put any more on and he said yes. He went into the kitchen, and Katie turns to me and says, "Don't tell Daddy, but- 'I hope you put more on, moron'." I absolutely lost it!! And from the other room Scott says- "Iheard that!- It's funny, but I heard that."

Ahhhh the love of a daughter for her father- priceless.

Mother's Day Gift Suggestions

2007-05-12T10:08:00.000-04:00

Wow! I can't believe I've been blogging for a year already! Okay, so maybe I'm not the most reliable blogger on the block, but, HEY! Cut me some slack. I do have 5 kids, and sometimes I'm pretty lucky just to be able to have the time to use the bathroom (of course I do try to multi-task while I'm in there- putting clothes down the laundry chute, scrubbing the part of the bathtub I can reach, picking up whatever's on the floor near me...okay, too much information).

So, now on to today's blog:

With Mom's Day tomorrow, I thought that I would list some of the more over-looked, but extremely important mother's day gift ideas. Here goes nothin':

1) Earplugs. If you want to go all out, go ahead and chip in for some child sized straight-jackets and muzzles.

2) Magnetic socks. Socks that, once removed, attach themselves together, through wash and dry cycle, and wherever they may be left.

3) An industrial sized, whole-house, instantaneous sound vacuum, that anticipates and reacts to: whining, back-talk, arguing, and anything else not associated with the phrases: "Yes, mother"; "How did I get so lucky to have you as my Mom"; "You're amazing/beautiful/spectacular/thin"; and "Here, let me do that for you".

4) Snot-absorbing tissues. Tissues that not only get the surface goop, but suction out what would be dripping out in the next hour.

5) Library book location devices. Built on the premise of the heat-seeking cameras, these would cause the long-overdue library books to glow bright orange, and emitt a high, ear-piercing scream (only audible to children), until the book is located. If you could shell out the additional bucks for the carrier pigeon who automatically delivers the books to the library when found, I'm pretty sure they'll be something extra-special in it for you.

6) A "Shadow" Mother. This not-particularly-attractive lady, would show up (by way of 3-D projected larger-than-life-like image) behind your young child (sneering and growling), when approached by the following: Bullies, name-callers, peer-pressure instigators, "just try it" kids, and anyone else who might come to do any type of physical or emotional harm to your child. I believe it goes by the name of "Mother Bear".

7) Animal/Vegetable/Mineral odor-absorbing spray. Works well on diapers and "mystery" van smells as well. Stops the smell before they even make the stink!

8) Time-released NyQuil air spray. Had a long day? Set it for 7pm, and you'll see the yawning start shortly after dinner, with just enough time to slip them into their jammies before they're out! Got an early riser? Set it to go off around 5:30am. Just as she inhales that first morning's yawn, she's back down for the count, giving you that extra-precious hour (or three) of sleep.

9) The laundry sorter/seperater/folder. A little larger than a snowblower, this device will draw clothing found on the floor, seperating the clean from the dirty. With a flip of the switch, and another pass over the piles, it will seperate the dirty into light/white/dark, or the clean piles into individual size piles. The bonus feature is a folding mechanism. So, while it's a little larger than most, quite a bit more expensive, and takes a couple of different swipes back and forth until it's done- it's completely worth it.

10) The best gift of all? A table full of glue, glitter, cut up pieces of cloth, your favorite pearl necklace cut into pieces, some spilled milk and sugar mixture, sawdust, and half a jar of jelly. If you see this when you wake up, you'd better high-tail it back to bed, becuase you're in for a Mother's Day breakfast (probably 5 lbs of grapenuts with 2 tsp of milk, Jelly with a little bread underneath it, room temperature concentrated orange juice, and a fuzzy jolly rancher from someone's pocket) and the best (and possibly heaviest) Mother's Day card ever! Hallmark can't even compare.

I hope all you Mom's out there have a wonderful day.

Just an afterthought for all the Bishop's/Branch President's/Stake President's out there. Have you ever considered having Mother's Day Sunday be a day where the children show up in their PJ's and enjoy a breakfast at church, while their Mom's have a quiet peace-filled morning beautifying themselves for THEIR day? Just a little bug in your ear (not that carnations aren't nice).

More pictures

2007-04-27T22:20:00.000-04:00

Just a couple of B&W to share

Pictures, pictures, everywhere!

2007-04-27T14:54:00.000-04:00

Here are some of our latest pictures. Enjoy!

Thank Goodness for Uncles

2007-04-26T20:44:00.000-04:00

Ancient Proverb say- "He who go to bed with itchy bottom, wake up with stinky fingah"

Thanks, Clark, for your wise words of wisdom.

My "Bat" Man

2007-04-23T12:50:00.000-04:00

After putting the kids to bed the other night (Kate and Enoch in our room, Mia and Aidan in the library), I was holding Ava and talking to Scott about something, when, right in front of me, comes this huge flying thing! I scream, and Scott hits the floor (my brave protector). It flew into our room, where Kate nearly shattered every window with her scream (if she sees an ant, she'll scream so loud you can hear it across the street, if that helps you picture the ear-piercing scream a LARGE object would create). Enoch came running out of the bedroom, screaming like a girl (a NORMAL girl scream, not like Kate's), which of course got Amelia and Aidan screaming THEIR heads off, although they didn't know WHY, yet. Well, it wasn't a bird, and from the title, surely you've guessed that count dracula paid us a visit in his flying form (at least that's what Enoch tried to convince the others). I grabbed the camera, Scott grabbed a laundry basket, and the kids grabbed each other. Ava, on the other hand, just roamed the house, hoping someone had left her a morsel of cookie somewhere. The kids were convinced she would be maimed and killed, and Scott kept repeating that it might have rabies (thanks for calming the kids down, Scott), as for me, I just wanted a really good picture of it. Hey! Hopefully, we won't get this chance very often! Scott kept yelling at me to get the stepstool so he could catch it (it had attached itself to the ceiling vent), while I kept yelling that I needed to get another picture because he wasn't smiling in the last one. Needless to say, Scott was not amused. We caught it in the laundry basket, and took it outside where it flew off (and probably right back into our house again).

Just another night at the Hepworth's!!

"The Family Spring" by Amelia

2007-03-25T13:00:00.000-04:00

This is the beginning of a family "magazine" Amelia started on Saturday, March 24, 2007- word for word.

"WOW! It's beautiful, it's in the 50s, 60s and 70s!! (and some rain) Write your favorite moth, season, and tempochure on a peice o paper. Send it to the address below and we will find the most comen one. If yours is in it then you win aprize!! 10101 MiMi av"

Anyone care to vote?

More from Mimi's magazine as it's published!

What's in YOUR wallet (or pocket)?

2007-03-15T22:48:00.000-04:00

While picking up Enoch's jeans from the floor, I noticed they weigh about 5 lbs more than HE does. I went digging (and digging, and digging) through his pockets and here is what I found:

1 tube of Snow White chapstick

7 Yu-Gi-Oh cards

1 tube of medicated Blistex

1 post-it note (folded 4 times) revealing a girls drawing of balloon hearts

1 bright orange piece of scrap paper, crumpled up, with the equation 16 x 7 = 112

1 postcard sized piece of cardstock with the beginning drawing of a very nice bird, on the flip side it appears to be crumbs from a million candy bars

A cut-out advertisement for 50% off "Dew Drop" Roses Stems (Reg. $.99)

A pair of fingernail clippers (that we have been looking for for weeks now)

Two medium sized stones

3 heavy metal washers (the circle kind, not the kind you put clothes in- although judging by the weight of his jeans, I wouldn't have been surprised to find that in there as well)

1 blue crayon,oh, pardon me, it's cerulean

1/2 of a watch band

A scout belt loop for archery (no doubt to impress others with)

7 cut-out pictures of various types of jewelry hearts

2 jolly rancher wrappers

1 part of a candy bar wrapper

1 EXTREMELY heavy gold metal type (although Enoch tells me that the friend he traded with assures him it is pure gold) Pokemon card

A folded magazine page advertising a Colts Sports Watch for only three monthly installments of $35!!

A folded magazine page advertising the Complete 8-Coin Year Set of Uncirculated Golden Dollars- Limited Availability! Act Now!!

His wallet (Scott's old eel skin wallet), which contains:

A note from Dakota to Brooke saying, "Brooke, No, I don't like Ashley anymore. She's trying to blame everything that happend (sic) yesterday on me. Randy is always weird. love, Dakota";

A post-it note with some book recommendations from the lady that works at the bookstore- Author, TA Barron- The Lost of Merlin & The Great of Avalon;

Another post-it with more book recommendations- Author R.A. Salvatore- Homeland, Exile, & Sojurn (3 different books);

A "love note" written on black space paper with a white crayon that reads: "To: My Sweet heart, You take me out of my world. XOXO, Tori" On the back is drawn in red crayon a pair of lips and a heart with an arrow through it. The paper has been folded and unfolded so many times, it's falling apart.

A note folded into a teeny tiny square, hidden deep inside the wallet from Enoch that says, "Tori, would you get mad if I don't go out with you for five years?" To which she replied, "no, it's not your falt (sic)."

Another teeny tiny square, hidden equally as well that reads, "It's ok. I'll wait for (picture of a heart) U (picture of a heart)"

Another post-it note tucked away. One side reads, "Did you hear what happend (sic)? Circle on Yes No " with the "No" circled. The other side reads, in what appears to be Enoch's handwriting, "Don't kill Austin, pleas (sic)! Well then ask him if we can be friends"

A pink post-it folded along with the last one that reads (not in Enoch's handwriting) "ask her back out" to which Enoch replied "No." then the word "Why"

Two nickles and two pennies

So, let my kids be warned: If it's laying around (or hidden where you think I'll never find it) you better believe I'm going to read it.

So, what's in YOUR wallet?

Who Fathered Aidan?

2007-02-25T18:56:00.000-05:00

Like Ava's nose? No, it's not a cold- it's the result of the pediatrician's office. While sliding down their slide, she did a face-plant right onto the carpet. She only had a red scrape the rest of that day, but when she woke up the next morning, there was this giant SCAB right on the end of her nose. How attractive!

The other day Aidan came up to me and told me that the other kids were really "fathering" him. What?! I replied, not understanding. He was trying to watch a kids show when they kept being loud and "fathering" him. You want to know how horrible of a parent I am? I told Scott he couldn't correct him yet, because I wanted him to sound cute just a little longer.

Yep. They'll all probably end up on Oprah someday, telling how I ruined them forever.

Poor Ava-Doodle

2007-02-23T14:08:00.000-05:00

Ava-Doodle is the pet name our pediatrician gave Ava (yes, we see them so often, that they have pet names for our children). This picture is from her hospital stay back in December, and it looks like we may have a few more visits.

Ava has been suffering terribly from intestinal cramping. They have her on 4 medications now, but we are finding very little relief. They did some more bloodwork today, and are going to schedule another colonoscopy/barium enema as well as some colon biopsies done surgically. Please keep her in your prayers, and we'll keep you updated!

Happier posts to follow.

Floor and more

2007-02-14T11:47:00.000-05:00

Well, here they are! The "Before" and "After" pictures of our floor. Unfortunately, they aren't the best pictures due to some lighting issues, but hopefully that will be resolved soon! We are finding little paper pieces of the black tar stuff EVERYWHERE! Even in Ava's diaper. Fortunately, I think it was stuffed down there, and not passed TO there.

Monday was a marathon day in the Hepworth house! 5 eye appointments, 1 dentist appointment, a shopping trip, a dollar store trip, and EVERYONE LIVED!! I even had HAIR left by the time I got home! GOOD FOR ME!!

Well, found out a new quirk about Aidan (as if he needs more)- turns out he's color "deficient" (the new term for color blindness that isn't TOTAL color blindness). He can't tell the difference in color variations, and has a hard time between his reds/greens. He can tell the difference between a green sheet of paper and red sheet of paper, but when they do the little color bubble test, that have the numbers in them, he can't see them. Wow! That may explain why his favorite color is pink! Or maybe that's just wishful thinking!

Kate got her spacer in at the dentist. It anchors one molar, up and over(or would it be considered under?) the roof of her mouth, to the other molar, to keep it from moving forward where they had to pull her two molars. She's trying desperately not to "eat" anything using her molars or the roof of her mouth, and it's quite entertaining to watch. She does very well with mandarin oranges. Just sticks them in her mouth and lets them slide down the back of her throat. My, how attractive.

Until next blog...

Into the Sickly Woods

2007-02-06T12:12:00.000-05:00

Mia and I had a date last Friday night, and went to the Arts Center in Fort Wayne to watch their theatre production of "Into the Woods". I've seen it several times, and the kids have heard the tape over and over (and over and over). Because we had a BOGO free coupon, we weren't able to get tickets ahead of time, and had to suffer the hands of fate by getting them at the box office. Turns out, the hands of fate were in our favor! Right before we got up to the window, someone cancelled their seats and we ended up four rows back, dead center. It was GREAT! There were quite a few children there, yet during one of the absolute quietest "kissing scenes", mine was the only one to giggle hysterically- and LOUDLY. Ahhh, the joys of youth!

Well, Scott and I are better understanding why they don't call two parents into two presidencies at church. We've been playing "tag teaching" for the last couple of weeks with the kids being sick, but this week both Scott and I were conducting AND teaching. Sure enough, the night before Aidan gets a roaring fever. Scott took Mimi (in her PJs) to church with him for his early morning meeting (she brought her stuff to get ready there), and we stayed home until the last hour. I just laid Aidan on the couch in the foyer- what could I do? It worked out okay, but now we realize that there are several meetings we are both supposed to be in attendance for. AAaarrgghh! The worst part is, I wouldn't want to be released even if I COULD! I love my calling, just need a few extra arms (and legs, and brain cells...the list goes on).

Back to Aidan- turns out he has a roaring case of strep throat, and when I return from his 3 hr long Drs appointment (apparently every kid in Fort Wayne is sick and they all go to OUR DOCTOR) Amelia is laying in our bed, red cheeked and hot as...well, you get the picture. I asked the Doctor if we could just have a long-standing appointment every Monday at 1pm. Chances are, we'd use them, and if not, I'm certain they could find someone to fill our spots. This is the fourth week in a row we've been in his office. You'd think they'd name a wing after us. "The Hepworth Wing for Sick and Confused Children" (I thought "weird" would be too strong of a term - appropriate, but strong). Has quite a ring to it, eh?

Well, back to the pharmacy we call our kitchen. 6 doses of liquid, 5 pills, 4 cups of water, 3 kids, 2 Chocolate bribes, and 1 tube-fed medicine. BLAST-OFF TO CRAZY LAND!!

This is a day only superman can save!

What's going on in class?

2007-01-28T23:59:00.000-05:00

Last week, Kate brought home some of her school work. While looking through, I noticed that there was a sheet that asked the children to list some of the classroom rules. One of Kate's? - "Do not kill."

The funniest part? The teacher checked it wrong.

Make's me wonder what's going on in HER class!

IT WORKED

2007-01-25T11:40:00.000-05:00

Can you believe the picture posting worked!! Scott's gonna kill me! I decided just to try a stupid picture, since it never works anyway, and, sure enough- there it is!! I guess that's the secret for my pictures. They have to be really bad. I'll try another one, just so you can get the taste of the last picture out of your mouth.

Pew Monkeys Update

2007-01-25T11:11:00.000-05:00

Ann inspired me.
I guess it's time to get back on the blog wagon and update.

Enoch is, well, Enoch. It's funny, he's not the typical physical tormentor most boys are. He's the intellectual tormentor. Example: Kate says she's going to let her balloon go up to heaven for Heavenly Father, to which Enoch replies: "Actually, once the balloon gets up too high, the pressure from the altitude will make it burst because..." Example: Kate won't eat most meat because it's an animal, but she WILL eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches, to which Enoch replies, "You know, honey is actually bee barf." "No it's not!" I replied, "Quit telling her things like that!" And, in quips Scott (the tree Enoch's apple doesn't fall far from), "Actually, it is. You see, bees regurgitate the honey from their stomaches..." "AAARRRGGGHHH!" So, Enoch's been reading a set of 30 yr-old encyclopedias lately- I'm pretty sure it's so he can correct anything else that the girls get wrong.

Kate's was sick as a dog for about a week and a half. We finally took her in, and they found an ear infection. I was hoping we were all done with that stage for her, but apparently not. Her spirits did perk up when we brought home two guinea pigs last weekend. She picked one up, and it snuggled right into her, as if it had been looking for her all of it's life. I'm waiting to see them come out of their little huts wearing doll clothes any day now.

Amelia has a new found love for her recorder and our piano. I have a new found respect for deaf people. She has taught herself several songs, and written down all of the notes on a piece of paper, then takes the paper to the piano to play it on there. We think that there's a college girl in our branch that will teach the kids piano. I hope it works out, since she's never taught before. Other than that, Amelia will be seeing an Occupational Therapist for her sensory integration disorder in addition to her regular therapist. In April she'll be seen by the Riley Asperger's Center. It's taken 9 months to get into, so I hope it's worth it!

Aidan is crazy 'ole Aidan. More boy than I can almost handle. When people ask how old he is, he holds up his five fingers, and I reply "He's OFFICIALLY a handful now". He's been sick with ear infections as well, unfortunately it doesn't slow him down much. He's as excited as Kate is to have the guinea pigs, and wants to put their playpen up all the time so he can watch them run around. Poor things, must feel like they live in a glass house being watched all the time. Oh, wait. They do and they are.

Ava has found a new passion for table dancing. Once she discovered that climbing on the chairs will get her to the table where she can be even HIGHER, she hasn't looked back. If we don't gate up the dining room, we know right where to find her. I just hope this isn't a peak into her employment future. While she still doesn't talk, she sure can convey a lot. She's learned some signs (more,food,drink) but gets everything she wants from everyone by just batting her eyelashes- so why talk? Of course, I remain steadfast in the belief that if they can't talk, they can't talk back.

Scott's job is going fantastic. They've been busier than ever. His new calling as EQP is keeping him busy as well. We have finally put some tiles on our entryway, so we don't have to walk on the black sticky tar paper any more. It looks UNBELIEVEABLE! We're supposed to hear from an attorney this week to help us with the contract. We'll let you know how it goes!

Oh! And me. Well, I'm doing pretty good. I'm keeping busy with Relief Society, and kids medical appointments/issues. We average 3-5 appointments a week now between doctors, dentists, optometrists, and therapists. I think I should have a shuttle service! It's definately time for a DVD player in the van. Or muzzles and straightjackets. Whatever keeps 'em quiet.

Well, once again, I'll try to attach some pictures, but I have very little expectations. We'll see.

We love you all,
The Hepworths

Why is my water making me sleepy?

2006-11-22T15:19:00.000-05:00

Today, I asked Aidan if he would please get me a cup of water. He jumped up and a few minutes later came back with a full cup of very cold water. He then asked if he could change his pants because he got "turkey water" on them (our turkey was defrosting in a sink full of water). I told him, sure, then stopped mid-guzzle. Ummmm. Aidan, come to think of it, I didn't hear you turn the faucet on, and you can't reach the faucet, can you? Nope. Is this turkey water that I'm drinking? The blank stare was the only answer I needed.

This Thanksgiving will be spent nursing my salmonilla wrecked body.

I'm thankful for a boy that keeps me on my toes, and always keeps me laughing (or barfing, in this case).

Happy Thanksgiving, and it's good to be back!

Mia's 10 top buty secrets for girls

2006-07-09T22:26:00.000-04:00

No, I didn't misspell. I've been so busy, I don't have time to blog. But, lucky you! I came across one of Amelia's many self-made magazines, and this is one of the pages, misspellings and all:

Mia's 10 top buty secrets for girls
1. allway's were scarve around your nek or waist.
2. allway's were earring's that mach your outfits.
3. were you...Don't try to be in the "Gang" if you're a girly-girl were a pink dress
4. were confotable cloths
5. were confortable shoes
6. were neaklazes
7. were bra celets
8. were rings
9. were nailpolish
10. were sunglasses (if you can)

There you have it!! Perhaps that's why I'm lacking in the 'buty' department. I don't have enough bra celets.

Crawl on in!

2006-07-04T21:41:00.000-04:00

Once again, I'm trying to attach a picture to this. I'm not sure why I keep trying. Probably the same reason my kids keep asking for a horse- just maaaaaybe.

Sorry that today's blog will be a little 'all over the place', but after a long hard day, I just can't seem to get them neatly organized (or get anything neatly organized, for that matter).

- Aidan decided to buy the game, Operation, with his birthday money that grandma sent him yesterday (can you believe he actually made it to 5!? I thought if something else didn't get him, I might have!). So, we took the game out of the box, and I'm noticing that here is a picture of this TOTALLY NAKED man lying on the operating table. Of course, because his belly hangs over, it's still considered modest. Then I realize that it looks a lot like me!! What a horrific thought!! I have turned into the Operation guy! Granted, he's cleavage-less, but, all the same. Which, in turn, got me to wondering how long I can claim 'this is baby fat'. I'm hoping it's sometime into their teens. At least that's how long I'M claiming it for!!

- I'm so glad that my kids don't know any of the "popular music" that their friends do. I just listen to some of the lyrics and cringe. I keep them supplied with plenty of entertaining kids songs (like: Dead Skunk In The Middle of the Road, Pea's Make Me Vomit, and The Stale Cigar Song). As far as they're concerned, 'Oops, I did it again', still refers to the drops on the toilet seat.

- What is that stench that crawls on kids and dies there when they play outside? Our kids were running around at a friends house, and Aidan comes and sits on my lap to rest his head on me. I ask him if he's been playing in the hose, and he replies, 'no.'. That lovely stream of water dripping down my shirt is good 'ole nasty boy sweat. Then I realize that awful smell. I can't imagine why we wouldn't bottle it up somehow to use in germ-warfare. Or just, gross-out warfare. Surely, you could clear an entire city just trying to get away from it. On our way home, we loaded all 3 balls of ick into our van (and 1 sweet smelling baby), and had to keep the air blowing so that none of it settled and accidentally ignited. A few bottle of comet and bleach, and they were as good as new. (Just kidding. SOS pad scrubbers work well, though.)

More crawling into my mind later.

Trust me....

2006-06-30T20:57:00.000-04:00

As most of you know (or don't know) Scott and I are in the process of trying to buy a 116 yr old home in NE Indiana. Well, today we had our inspection on the house before we finalize our offer. We had contacted the listing agent to let them know when we were going to be there, and that we would need to have access to the garage. Well, when we got there, neither of the keys they told us would fit the garage, would. I called the agent, and he tells me that they should fit. I informed him that, indeed, they did NOT fit any of the doors. He told me "The garage is in pretty good shape. You can see it through the windows (in the garage doors)." I told him that we really needed to get in to look AROUND. He gave me the phone number of the seller's daughter and said to see if she could come over. Of course, she wasn't home, so I went digging through the house. I came up with a large coffee can filled halfway with keys (probably around 100-200). We eventually came up with the correct key to the doors, and now we know why they didn't want us to open them. The garage roof is COMPLETELY caving in on one side. Long story short- the garage will need to be torn down. In addition to the broken A/C, the lack of a chimney liner, a non-working water-heater and furnace (and a few other things) the house is in perfect condition! It's still a possibility, we just need to get in touch with our realtor and "work something out". Say a prayer for us!!

A Royal Slip-up

2006-06-29T23:37:00.000-04:00

Sorry this is so brief- it's another one of those 'What would I ever do with my day if I didn't have to do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING?!?' type of weeks, so you'll have to enjoy this little Enoch funny:

Enoch proudly announces to the living room:

"I AM THE KING OF HIDE-AND-SEEK AND YOU ARE ALL MY PHEASANTS!!"

"Uh. I think you mean peasants, Enoch."

"Whatever."

Tip of the iceburg

2006-06-26T11:39:00.000-04:00

Okay, occasionally we find "tip of the iceburg" objects laying around our house. These are items that, inevitably, lead to much larger, greater 'issues' if you will. I thought I'd share some of our "tips of the iceburg" and let your imagination take you to the larger issues.

-the lid to a recently purchased (therefore full) bottle of super glue

-a trail of dirt and dead rolly-pollies

-trimmed (not shed) cat hair

-the eye to a baby doll

-an opened bottle of baby oil and baby powder (these two items DO NOT mix well, might I add)

-6 packing boxes, eight pillows, 3 blankets, and a baby gate propped against a doorway to "make sure Mom doesn't get in"

-an empty box of food coloring

-residual of cat litter, milk, and dawn dishwashing liquid in the bathtub

-a 4 year old who comes in, hugs you, and says, "I love you Mom"

Black and White

2006-06-21T23:22:00.000-04:00

Today, while playing on the bed with Ava, Kate looks at me and says "Ava sure is a lot darker than us." I explained that, yes, indeed, Ava is much darker than the rest of our fair-skinned brood. "But, she isn't black." she replied. To which I appeared to ponder for a moment (when, in all actuality, I was containing my hysterics). "You know what, you're right! She isn't black." At this point, I almost thought she was joking, or pointing out the obvious or something. But no....she asks "Do you think we'll ever have a black baby?" I told her that probably not, unless we adopted one.

I guess it's time for that whole 'birds and bees' talk.

I wish everyone could see the world in shades of grey, like kids do.

What was that?

2006-06-17T21:09:00.000-04:00

Things overheard in the Hepworth house:

"One time, I liked Katie" -Aidan

"Can anyone nurse a baby?" -Amelia

"Mama!" -Ava

*sound of flushing* "Uh-Ohhhh!" -Amelia and Kate in unison

"You know that last piece of cake that's not there anymore. I didn't eat it." -Aidan

"I can really put a spell on you and turn you into a turtle, so you'd better not touch my stuff!" -Enoch (to Aidan)

"I could climb in the cage, you know." -Aidan (at the zoo)

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! Aidan's going to look at me again!!" Kate

"Enoch, you can be the king, I'm going to be the queen, Kate you can be the princess, and Aidan.....you can be the dog" -Amelia

"How many more days until school's out?" -Enoch (the first week of school)

"How big of a dog do you think Daddy will notice?" -Kate

How do you spell success?

2006-06-13T10:38:00.000-04:00

A successful day

As we’re getting ready to go to the zoo, I notice that I haven’t accomplished anything on ‘Mom’s To-Do’ list for today (mainly attacking the pile that we refer to as the ‘Master Bedroom’ Aptly named because it is our master, and we are mere servants scrounging in it to find what we need).
I got to thinking “What constitutes a successful day to me?” And this is what I came up with.

A successful day:

- has no unscheduled trips to the hospital or doctor’s office

- ends with everyone still alive

- requires no more than 1 clothes change (for me), 0 changes for Enoch, 0 changes for Kate, 1 change for Amelia, 2 changes for Aidan, 6 changes for Ava-(now the whole laundry blog make sense, doesn’t it?)

- is when all of the diaper contents stay IN the diaper

- includes less screaming and more laughing

- is when my husband can tell a difference (positive, preferable) between when he left home, and when he arrives. Extra bonus points if he actually SAYS something about it!!

- requires no toilet plunger

- means all of the kids had three meals- doesn’t matter what, as long as they’re fed food meant for human consumption

- needs no fire extinguisher

- contains no blood

- doesn’t include for the fifteenth time why we don’t say ‘that’ word, or point that finger up in public

- is when I run out before my deodorant does

- doesn’t include “UH-OHHHHH”

- is one where everyone is wearing underpants- extra bonus points if they belong to that person!

- doesn’t require getting anything out of anyone’s hair except what is supposed to be in there

But, let’s face it. The most successful day is the one where all of this happens, and you don’t run away from home.

Furry High Chair

2006-06-09T23:56:00.000-04:00

Perhaps I'm just not feeding my child correctly, but every day her high chair (which has a very nice cloth covering) is saturated with goo (specifically all of the days foods ground together and mixed with spit, juice, milk, and, dare I say, might be even a little "leakage" now and then). We're not just talking every couple of days- EVERY SINGLE STINKIN' (oh! did I mention the smell if left on longer than 24 hours? I'm pretty sure it's toxic.) DAY!! I'm wondering if I'm actually supposed to sit her ON TOP of the cloth, or if I should take off the beautiful outer cloth- revealing the ugly, black, plasticky, sparsely padded thingy underneath- and sit her on that? Then, let it get all gooey, and use the pretty cloth covering to hide everything underneath. That only leaves me with one problem. That disgusting gooey stuff seems to be her favorite appetizer while she's impatiently waiting for me to get her real dinner (which, I must admit, on more than one occasion, is whatever cheerios I can dig out of her car seat until I get our own dinner made). I don't know if it's the texture of the goo that she likes? I know it can't be the smell, and if it's the taste she likes, I've got the easiest kid to please in the world! What was that? Avacado and strawberry omelets for dinner? Mmmmmmmm, my favorite!!
It had been several days since we looked too closely at the high chair (both Scott and I figuring if neither of us stared at it directly we could claim ignorance, thereby forfeiting our parental obligation to CLEAN it), and it was one of the kids that pointed out how disgusting it looked. I figured 'Here's a kid who doesn't think a 4 month old rotting sandwich at the bottom of his bookbag is gross, and HE noticed it' I realized it must be pretty bad. I had to drag the encrusted equipment into our shower and blast it with hot water for about 20 minutes to loosen the cemented goo mixture, before spraying it down and scrubbing. It just about glistened when I was done. I washed the beautiful outer covering, and placed it on top. What a beautiful sight (I had even used a knife to get into the cracks where sludge was hiding). I vowed to be more careful when feeding Ava from now on. So, that evening, I carefully placed my SQUEAKY CLEAN daughter into her nice SQUEAKY CLEAN high chair for dinner. I carefully put a mumu style bib on her, and turned around to get her dinner ready. The rest is a blur. All I know is that when I turned back around a few minutes later, there was my still beautiful daughter, covered in potato/mandarin orange/soggy cheerio/milky/sludgy GOO! I checked the ceiling- nothing. I looked at the other kids- they were as amazed as I was. Perhaps Ava had something hidden in her pocket she dug out, perhaps it was the goo fairy, perhaps the high chair oozes the sludge as a protective coating for teething babies. I DON"T KNOW. All I know is that the next step is simple.

It's time to get a dog.

Bubble, bubble, Boy, is she TROUBLE!

2006-06-09T10:58:00.000-04:00

They say this picture thing should work. Well, we'll see!

Trashy clothes

2006-06-04T22:22:00.000-04:00

After doing 1,456,835,365,001 loads of laundry this weekend, I've come up with the following reasons why trash bags should be worn instead of clothes:

1) No washing machine necessary. If they need cleaned, toss them into the shower with the kid. Remove and let air-dry. If you use the black ones, you can't even tell when they're dirty!

2) Stylish. Black goes with everything. If you don't like black, there's always white (but I would suggest layering unless it's thick enough not to be see-through.

3) Cheap. Where else can you get a new set of clothes for everyday of the year for only $3.99. Also inexpensive to replace.

4) Fashion. If everyone wears them, there will be no competition for style. We'll all look silly together.

5) Fun! In the winter, you won't need a sled to go down the hill. In the summer, you have your very own built-in slip 'n slide!

6) Disposable. You can just throw them away at the end of the day. Even better, you can throw other stuff away in them, too!

7) Sometimes self-cleaning. Baby barf slides right off of them.

8) A great cover-up. Who cares if you lose weight! With a trash bag, no one will ever know!!

9) Portable. You pack for a weeks vacation for 6 in Disneyland- all in a gallon sized ziploc baggie.

10) Did I mention no more laundry?

Chapsticky

2006-06-02T23:08:00.000-04:00

Another Aidan funny:

Aidan got into my purse and had put on a bunch of purple chapstick. Only thing is, I don't have any purple chapstick. Turns out it was a glue stick I had put in there for Mutual earlier in the week. When he tried to rub his lips together and seperate them, the glue just left behind a million little gluey strings holding his lips together. Too bad it didn't stick better!!

No home yet

2006-06-01T23:01:00.000-04:00

Well, the dream home will be just that...a dream. Someone outbid us.

Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes He lets the storm rage and He calms His child.

Climb on the ark

2006-05-31T22:24:00.000-04:00

Happy Field Day! Or, not happy field day for those lovely parents who volunteered to sit in the sweltering heat, tossing a hulla-hoop to kids who would rather be chasing each other. I, however, was not one of them. I did eat lunch with Enoch and Amelia, though. After joining Amelia outside for her recess (I was talking to some Mom's while Aidan played on the playground and Ava sat in her stroller), I went inside for Enoch's lunch time. About 30 minutes later I realized, hey! I'm missing a kid!! Yep! Aidan, how could I possibly forget him! Two minutes of quiet time should have alerted me that something was amiss. I ran back outside to the playground, where he wasn't, of course. Then tried to wade through the100 million school kids, siblings, parents, grandparents,long lost uncles, and the occasional kitchen sink to try and find the little red-headed boy, before he bacame a little burnt-red headed boy by the sun. I found him playing with the kindergarteners at the field day events. He didn't even miss me. Big surprise.

Here is a brief synopsis of each of us:

As most of you know, we put an offer on a home. I don't want to jinx anything, so 'nuff said. I'll tell you after we find out Friday afternoon.

Our darling Ava has perfected saying 'Nana'. Good for her. Good for Nana. BAAAAAAD for Mommy.

Enoch is anticipating the end of school. Several times a day, in fact. He is still wondering why he has to bathe regularly if he can't smell himself. Knock knock. Who's there. Hygeine. Hygeine who? Hygeine (Hi Gene!) you'd better shower 'cause you stink like a pack of dead camels.

Amelia wrote a letter to her school principal voicing her disappointment in both the new school playground and field day not being accessible to everyone. Haley specifically. You go, Mimi!!!

Poor Kate is going through hair-twirling withdrawl. But, in spite of that, she is still counting down the months until she can cut her hair for Locks of Love again.

Aidan got his finger stuck in the shower drain and basically skinned it yanking it out. It has to be medicated and bandaged twice a day. I guess he thought I was running out of things to do, and since he's already jumped off the couch with the blind cord around his neck, what else was there?

Sorry the update was so long coming. I'll try harder. Replies would be nice and encouraging, though. It may keep me motivated to write more if I know someone is actually reading this. I wish there was a way to track how many people are. Or maybe that would just be more embarassing to know who all knew what went on in this house.

PS I forgot the whole "ark" thing in my title. Some I-D-I-O-T (I have to spell it or the kids will get me) blocked up our drain, and we had a massive downpour. We had a lake almost 3 feet deep in front of the entrance to our parking lot. No one could drive in or out (except by motor boat). I sent the kids out to swim. They had a blast, of course. Okay, okay, so maybe I joined them for a bit, too. Who can resist? Oh, yeah, Scott can. And did.

Technical difficulties

2006-05-26T22:36:00.000-04:00

My brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by until I regain my sanity and blog some more. Hang in there, I'll be back soon.

Top 10 for 2003

2006-05-24T23:17:00.000-04:00

Here is a list I wrote 2 1/2 years ago, that was supposed to be sent out as late Christmas letters. Notice how everyone got a copy? These are the top 10 lists for everyone (but Scott, which is why we never sent them out. We kept waiting for him to do his. We're still waiting, by the way). Keep in mind, Aidan was 2, Kate was 4, Amelia was 6, and Enoch was 7. You can just imagine some of the stories behind these.

The top ten things I learned in 2003:

Aidan
-You have a better chance of getting what you want if you use real words instead of just saying “tah”.
-There’s a lot of comfort to be found when someone else you love has a tube just like you.
-You don’t get candy every time you say “trick-or-treat”.
-Little girls are cute, but they sure can hit hard-and scream loud.
-If you’re strapped in too tight, sometimes you have to take your pants off to get out.
-Not everyone can have good hair.
-You have to try on everybody’s shoes to see how they feel.
-Mommy doesn’t think it’s funny when you play hide-and-seek in the hotel elevator. Neither do the security guards.
-There’s no substitute for Mom, but Nana’s Grandma’s and Mimi’s come close.
-You can never have too many blankees.

Katarina
-Cats don’t always like to be kissed on the nose.
-Even if you don’t like your curly hair, you really shouldn’t cut it.
-Little brothers can be nice, but they can REALLY be annoying.
-When you listen really well in Primary, you can tell your stories in Family Home Evening.
-Looking cute doesn’t always get you out of trouble.
-Heavenly Father always hears us pray, but sometimes He says, “No.”, or “Not yet.”
-Dish soap can make dishes clean, but it sure does taste awful.
-You can go a lot faster on a bicycle than you can just walking (but it hurts worse when you fall).
-When you say something and everyone laughs, they aren’t being mean. You just made them happy.
-Sometimes you have to wait for Heavenly Father to get your house ready before you can move in.

Amelia
-Not everyone wants you to be their Mommy.
-Just because you’re loud, doesn’t mean they’re listening to you.
-You can spend the whole day in your room if you have a mirror and karaoke machine.
-Not all babysitters know how to change Aidan’s tube if it falls out. Sometimes you have to calm them down and just do it yourself.
-When your Mom’s the Brownie leader you get to help do a lot of fun stuff. You also get told to sit down a lot.
-Eating dinner standing up isn’t as much fun as sitting in your chair quietly.
-When you know how to read, your little brother and sister think you’re pretty cool (and bring you lots of books to read to them).
-Everyone spills.
-You may be bigger than your brother, but you’ll never be older.
-Beautiful comes from the inside first.

Enoch
-All the SpongeBob in the world doesn’t make being in the hospital fun.
-Just because you went to school for a long time, and you’re a doctor, doesn’t mean you know what you’re talking about.
-If you break your little pinkie in enough places, they’ll give you a great big cast that goes all the way to your elbow.
-Sometimes you have to scream and cry while you’re praying.
-You feel a lot bigger with the Holy Ghost inside of you.
-It feels nice to let your little brother take care of you for a change.
-It’s harder to make your own decisions, than it is to have Mom and Dad just tell you what to do.
-Being on the top bunk doesn’t get you much closer to God, but falling off of it can.
-You don’t have to know how to play the game to have fun playing it.
-It’s hard to be a good example.

Tanya
-There is no such thing as too many childproof gadgets.
-If you have the time, do it now. You never know where you’ll be tomorrow.
-Every life is precious. Each moment with that life is even more. Make it count.
-Walls can be painted, carpets can be cleaned, but you can never undo what you’ve said.
-Family will always be close, no matter how far away you are.
-Make the time to do service and the blessing will appear.
-Leading a troop of 6 year old Brownies is more difficult than giving birth. And there are no drugs.
-Miracles are found in unanswered prayers.
-Sometimes God brings family members together by taking one away.
-“Just hold on, the light will come.”/ “Faith precedes the miracle”

Racing Stripes

2006-05-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

Uuuuggghhhhh! I think I'm going to stab my eyes out. I've been online looking at houses on Realtor.com, and I swear, if I see or hear the words "potential", "bungalow", or "needs some TLC" one more time, I'm going to explode! But, I must remember, we ARE looking for a house- YIIPPPEEEEEE. Which reminds me, I need to re-pack all the boxes we just finished unpacking. NOT yippee.

Apparently, people have been a little peeved that I haven't been keeping up my blog. To them I say, if my sad life is what you have to look forward to, I apologize. No more guilt trips, please, I'm doing this solo. I keep trying to get Scott to type, but he does as much typing as he does talking (except when it comes to the kids). Maybe he should vent his frustrations towards the kids on the blog- now wouldn't THAT be a hoot to read (not).

Rand McNally called me today. Seems they've gotten some anonymous tips and they would like to map out my stretch marks and vericose veins. Apparently things have gotten out of hand. I, personally, like to think of them as "racing stripes". Sounds better, at least. Why isn't being exasperated at your kids considered a work out? I mean, I sweat, I grunt, my heart races- everything I would be doing at the gym, and yet- not a pound drops off. Perhaps its the gallon of ice cream I eat after they go to bed. Got milk?

We ran out of milk yesterday, and Scott and I played the "we need milk" game until midnight. We both lost. The kids, however, won. Leftover cake for breakfast- the breakfast of champions.

Well, there you go people. I think I've been spoiling you by writing every day. Perhaps if I wait a week, you'll be happy with every other day. For my sanity, I'll try and keep up as much as possible.