Starving My Child

  As most of you know, I had another baby at 40.  Apparently, I thought this whole "raising teenagers" thing was so much fun I needed to prolong it for another 19 years.  Or not.

Our newest arrival, Elliott, was born 6 weeks early and weighed a whopping 4 pounds.  He is now a little over 2 1/2 months old and weighs a whopping...6 pounds!!  I am nursing him full-time, but at our last Pediatrician's visit he told me he would like me to supplement with a little formula each day just to "beef him up a little".  I can't imagine why the little guy isn't gaining weight- see if you can figure it out.

Typical nursing session:

(Baby Screaming) (To himself...) I'M STARVING!!..I'M STARVING!!...I'M STARVING!!...FEED ME!!...FEED!!..FEED ME!!

(Me- outloud) "Hi buddy!  Are you hungry?  You poor thing...let's get you a little something to eat.  I know...I know...you're hungry.  Hang on just a second, let me get things arranged.  (stupid tent thing won't let me see.  I'll just have to stick my head completely inside)

Now baby is screaming, red in the face, BIG tears streaming down, and I have my head stuffed in a nursing tent looking like a turtle.

Elliott is finally nursing.  Total silence, except for the whirring in his mind that goes something like this:

I'm hun-gry...I'm hun-gry...I'm hun-gry...I'm eat-ing...I'm eat-ing...I'm hap-py...I'm hap-py...so yum-my...so yum-my...I'm slee-py...so slee-py...so...slee....py.....so....sl........

After 4 whole minutes, my previously starving infant is fast asleep in my arms, so I jiggle him a little bit, and he continues on his steady nursing as if sleep never entered his mind.

I'm eat-ing...I'm eat-ing...Mom loves-me...Mom loves-me...I'm hap-py...So hap-py...So slee-py....So slee............py.

And he's out for the count.  Repeat this previous scenario about 10 more times and you'll get my drift.  The best part, though, is when I pull out the big guns.  In other words, time to un-latch, but as soon as I even start to go through the motion, my totally exhausted out-of-it baby, is immediately awake and apparently...starving.

I'M STAR-VING!!...I'M STAR-VING!!!...DON'T LEA-VE ME!...I'M DIE-ING!!!...SO HUNG-RY!!!...SO HUNG-RY!!...So hun-gry!!...so star-ving!....so slee-py....so slee.........

And....he's out.

I just can't understand why he's not gaining weight.

Christmas Vermin

      I'm up waaaaay too early when I see the dog and cat go up to a dark pile of...something (the lights were off, couldn't make out what it is) sniffing around lazily.  I assume an animal barfed and I'll have to clean it up. Look up a minute later and the pile's not there.  But, the cat is pacing around the box in the corner. You've got to be kidding me.  I turn on a dim light and move the box, but don't see anything.  Except, now the cat is pacing around the corner where another box is, obviously hunting.... something.  I turn on the light, get on a chair (please note at this point I was still kind enough NOT to wake my hubby) and move the box.  Oh yeah, it's a mouse.  Slowly walking...no JAUNTING LAZILY across my dining room floor while the cat watches on with little interest.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! We OBVIOUSLY feed our cats WAY too much, something I plan on rectifying IMMEDIATELY.  The mouse has meandered under the dog dishes now, and I'm not doing this on my own- the animals are no help, either, so I get Scott up.  

     " A mouse." I say. 

     "Huh"- his reply.
     "A mouse. A MOUSE. We have A MOUSE in the dining room.  A MOUSE." Where the heck is his sense of urgency?
     "Okay. Get the cats." he groggily replies.
     "I did. They aren't doing anything but watch it."
     "Well, what do you want me to do?" he says trying as hard as he can not to wake up.  Let's see, I'd like to to pet it, sing to it, maybe dress it up in barbie clothes-
     "CATCH IT!" I reply, to the point of frustration.
      He stumbles out of bed and stands at the dining room entrance while I lift up the dog bowl the mouse is under. 

     "If he comes that way catch it...or at least stop it."

     "With what?" I'm feeling the whole "bat in the house" thing coming back. 

     "WHATEVER! Here's a tub lid!" I prop up a tub lid as he just stands and watches.  Honestly, the baby in my womb is being just about as much help.  At least HE'S kicking me, cheering me on, I believe.

     "URGH!" I grab a bucket myself, knowing that I'm our last choice for catching this vermin and slowly lift the other dog dish the mouse is hiding under.  The mouse just stands there.  The cats just stand there, squinting at me as they blink slowly, as if to say "Problem?".  I set the bucket on top of the mouse and look back at Scott. 

     "Okay. Got him. What are we going to do?" Proud of myself, expecting him to take over now.   

     "Okay, well,  I'm going back to bed." He says. 

    "So, we're just going to leave the mouse there?" It's 6am, not 2 in the morning.

    "Yep." he says and retreats to the bedroom. 

      I grab Kayte's giant "Messed-up Bulletin" binder that's heavy enough for the mouse not to be able to move and set it on top of the bucket.  The cat's head over to their food bowl.  As if.  I have safely stored their food bowl on top of the fridge until I can forgive them of this "indiscretion".  Then, as an after thought (picturing the curiosity getting the best of my children) include a note on top that says: "DO NOT MOVE! There is a mouse under here (and don't fool yourself into thinking the cats will take care of it- THEY WON'T- we already tried!) Stupid cats." Interested to see how long it takes Scott to "take care of it" this morning.

What (WAS) up with me?

http://www.groupon.com/r/uu7472994


NOW HERE, MY FRIENDS, IS A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE.  I JUST UN-EARTHED IT WHILE LOOKING THROUGH MY OTHER BLOGS.  IT'S NEVER BEEN COMPLETED AND MOST OF THE THINGS ON THE LIST NEVER HAPPENED/WERE NEVER COMPLETED (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF MIMI'S PERSONAL PROGRESS). YES, WE WILL UPDATE EVERYONE (HOPEFULLY BEFORE BABY GETS HERE....OH YEAH....BTW, I'M 8 MONTHS PREGNANT- SURPRISE!!)






Okay, I'm (not-so secretly) hoping my husband will check out the $20 60-minute massage at Tranquil Day Spa on the groupon link above.  HINT HINT
 
I know it's not something that's tangible or that I can keep as a reminder, but I promise I'll take some pictures, and I don't have to clean up after it.  Sounds like a good birthday present to me!! 
 
Perhaps Star, Christy, June and I can all convince our husbands and then we can go after our birthday dinner (believe it or not, all 3 friends and I have birthdays on either Sept 13, 14, or 15- and my sister's also!)!
 
Here's the lo-down on our household lately:
 
Scott:  Scott's hard at work (literally AND physically).  Him and his boss have been doing the work of three men, since they lost one of their employees.  That means long, hard days building 'loads' and sweating up a storm.  He's also the Young Men's president which means early Sunday morning meetings,the occasional trip during sacrament meeting to grab some forgotten sacrament bread, Wednesday night activities, Scout trips, Campouts, Black-sock hunting (early Sunday morning), White-sock hunting (every other morning), and he still has time to catch a quick nap during scripture study.  I can't imagine why!  He has managed to put up all of the shelves I constantly ask for (somewhere in the thousands by now), fix the broken things that magically show up, take over the finances, make dinner every Sunday, throw laundry in the wash, and fret over our lawn.  I don't think I'll ever know how truly good I have it!  Scott, you are an amazing man, and I don't mean that lightly.
 
Enoch:  Enoch has been absorbing several of the college Chemistry textbooks he's been reading for the last year.  He's supposed to be taking Chemistry next year as a Sophmore.  Something tells me, aside from the labs, he might be a smidgen ahead of his class.  He's officially shaving now, getting teased relentlessly by his sisters, and a harsh reminder from his Mom, after giving a good night kiss, to SHAVE.  We are grateful that he discovered girls, which was closely associated with the discovery of the shower, body wash, and deoderant.  He's taking Spanish this year as well as weight training at the YMCA (the age of 15 apparently makes you an 'adult' in the eyes of the YMCA, thereby allowing you access to the big boy gym). Yes, he still has those bizarrely huge muscles, and he plans on keeping them (although he doesn't believe us that you can totally pump them up by washing the dishes).  He's finally surpassed his sister, Amelia (and his Mom and Dad), in height, ringing in at just over 5'5 1/2".  He started Seminary this year, and is up, dressed, and ready each morning ready to go before Mom is.
 
Amelia: We skipped Mia ahead a year in school.  We figured if she was doing Freshman schoolwork, Algebra, etc. it just made sense.  Luckily, with homeschool, we have the flexibility to do that and focus on a specific subject if she needs to concentrate on it more.  She started Seminary this year with Enoch, and is up and ready before my alarm even goes off. She is taking control of her own clothing style, which is often questioned by me with an additional 'When you see pictures of yourself later, don't blame me!'.  I must admit, if this is as bad as it gets, I'm certainly blessed!  Kids still flock to her by the dozens and despite our encouragings to look into a career in childcare/social work/ANYTHING with little ones, she still thinks she wants to go into the medical field (of which she would GREATLY excel in).  She's taking Spanish classes as well, and in exchange, her, Enoch and I are going to be babysitting for the teacher.  She's also part of the homeschool Gym & Swim for two hours each week.  Amelia only has a few things left to do before her Personal Progress is finished, she's hoping to be the youngest in the Branch. 
 
Katarina: Kate is in 6thish grade.  We've noticed that's a hard thing to do when you homeschool- put a kid into a grade catagory.  They're usually in several DIFFERENT grades, depending on the subject.  She's a whiz at math (just like several other of the kids), even though she groans like crazy while she's doing it.  She (and Enoch) have discovered the joy of  'natural hair dye'.  They take walks down a trail near our house and gather bright purple berries and SLATHER them through her hair, creating a completely sticky, dries solid as a helmet, purple hair-do.  She won't let me give her a perm, she HATES having her hair down (she thinks it looks too "poofy"), and hates wearing any sort of hair product in it, BUT she'll rub (probably poisonous) berries in her hair.

Cramming in Christmas

Okay, the picture isn't great, but you can watch the video on my facebook page (unless I can get Enoch woken up to show me how to attach it) The picture isn't really what's important, anyway.  It's the insanity of the hour prior to the picture that matter.  Here Goes: We raced home from church to get ready for this performance, only to be greeted by our neighbor warning us from the porch that we have no electricity (SO glad she did, or I would have been CONVINCED I didn't pay the bill).  Run in, stick Ava's head under the sink to wash it while Mimi grabs a flashlight to go downstairs and find a 'Christmas-y' dress/shoes/tights/accessories ('cause it's Mimi) to wear.  Halfway through washing her hair I realize- I can't blowdry it!!  I hop on the computer to send a text to a friend of ours asking her to call Scott (we have no cell phones, only land-line, and Scott's phone can't recieve texts).  I get my message all typed up, press send, and realize that our internet works through the electricity (Scott, Enoch, Aidan and Kayte had meetings at church so they were going to meet us at the venue- they just had NO IDEA where it was located, so they were going to call us and get directions). SO, we threw Ava's hair in a towel, grabbed her clothes and stuff and BOOKED it out the door.  Friend's house #1- not home. AARGH!! Friend's House #2 (The Waugh's)- LIFE SAVERS!!! They had JUST returned home from church, let us use their bathroom/outlets, even looked up the church/location and called Scott to give him directions.  We are OUT the door and only 10ish minutes behind schedule.  End of story? Not a chance.  NEVER TRUST MAPQUEST.  After getting lost and utilizing the "Full" part of Full-Service Drive-Thru at a local CVS, we were back on track, but now REALLY late.  Then I realized, Scott's using the same wrong directions I had.  We dumped Ava off in the line of children's choir kids and ran around the church looking for a phone (because all of our have one in the foyers- isn't that a common courtesy...or something?) No phone.  Finally begged a phone off of two nice nursing ladies in the foyer.  Called Scott-straight to voice-mail.  I left a brief-and barely understandable explanation of how to get there, while in the middle of it she gets a call.  I quickly hang up, thank her profusely, and make a B-line to the concert now beginning. Mimi told me later, that the call she received was actually from Enoch returning the unanswered call.  They made it there having only missed 2 of the 4 songs!  Good thing I didn't have to get my blood pressure checked that day!! (And by the time we returned home, our electricity was back on....knock on wood)

Mimi's 16th Birthday- In Her Own Words

Hello everyone! Amelia here(16 year-old Amelia, thank you very much). I just had THE BEST 16th birthday ever! 
 Ava woke me up at about 8:15am (my plan was to sleep in until around 10-ish) with a wonderful gift-breakfast in bed! 3 frozen toaster strudels ( I like mine that way) and an extremely full glass of milk was the perfect start to my day.
 Right after I had my shower and finished off my breakfast my mom told me to put on my prom dress. Now, for the past week or so my family and neighbor, Tabitha have been acting very strange. I knew it was about my birthday but I had no idea what was planned. After I was in my dress and my hair and make-up was done (which turned out to be pointless, but I'll explain that later) we(Me,Mom, Kayte. and Ava) hopped in the car and left. Of course I was still clueless.Our first stop was at subway so we could get lunch and drop it off at dad's work                 
  After that my mom asked me where I wanted to go for lunch. We all decided on Banditos (free birthday meal and they sing to you). When we walked in, the lady at the front asked if we had just gotten back from a wedding.
Once we were seated and had given our orders another group comes in and is seated right next. There were 2 moms, one with 7 kids and the other with 4. 2 of the little girls were just fascinated by us. Probably by the dresses and the fact that the staff came to sing to me. Speaking of which, I think it was very kind of them to make sure that they got the cute waiter to come out and sing with them.
 After Banditos we headed out. Of course I still had no idea where we were going.
 Well we ended up at Macy's! I knew exactly what we were going to do when we ended at the make-up section. We were getting make-overs!!! The lady who did our(Kaytes and mine) make-up was AMAZING! Her name was Gabriella. She was beautiful and super nice. We had a great time and Kayte even got her make-up done( a once in a lifetime thing for her) and Ava got a little lipgloss as well.
 After a couple other stops we headed home. Once at home my mom told me to change into a more casual out fit and to eat a quick dinner because Tabitha was going to take me somewhere.
 First stop: a nail salon. Before then I have never had my nails done professionally. It was fun. I got them painted gold with a cute little design on then.
Last stop: The movies! Tabitha took me to see Safe Haven. A wonderful movie(but only if you are into chick flicks)! After I got home I opened my last few gifts. and went to bed. It was an awesome day! 
 Friday evening we had my birthday dinner and cake. We invited a couple people(Laura Zollman and her kids and Brock Wallace) over to have dinner, cake and to watch my last gift. Enoch, Daddy and the rest of my family made a little slideshow/movie with a bunch of pictures of me and some of my favorite songs.
 Of course it wouldn't be a birthday without my birthday talk in church(a 5-year tradition. so far anyway).

                                                 The girls and daddy.

                                               After my make-up was done.

                                            Ditto.

                                         After our make-up was done.

                                              Me, Gabriella, Kayte
  Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so amazing!
 

Satan is spelled PHP

My rant against PHP.

So, a couple of years ago I found out about a program called “Inches Away” from PHP. Here's the brochure: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CCcQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.phpni.com%2FLibraries%2FBrokers%2FInches_Away_brochure_1011.sflb.ashx&ei=jSVRUPOpPOOC2AXzvICgBw&usg=AFQjCNEusNl_GEXMGkxnHQNRk7mwr_80Vg

You're REALLY going to want to read this, especially after what I have to say.

So, In July of 2010 I decide to FINALLY lose weight, call them up and ask about the program. They tell me (almost word for word from the brochure) what it entails, and send me a paper to have my doctor sign me up for. This was almost TWO YEARS ago, mind you. You get two payments: $500 after you lose 10% of your current weight and $1000 if you keep it off for a year. Max of $1500 per lifetime. Sounds good to me- what do I have to lose (pun intended)!

So I go to my first doctor's appointment weighing in at a whopping 256 lbs. If I had been thinking I would have started at my highest weight of 275, but I digress. I hand it over to my doctor who signs and faxes it in.

Move forward 8 months. March of 2011. I find out that I qualify for gastric bypass. I spend months researching, going to several different clinics to listen to their presentations, CALLING UP MY INSURANCE COMPANY TO ASK ABOUT BENEFITS (this will definitely come in to play later), and coming to a conclusion: I'm tired of being tired and huge. I'm only marginally making headway on my weight walking for an hour every morning and cutting my portions waaaaay (or should it be weigh) down. I talk it over with Scott (okay, maybe it was more like: “So, ummmmm, I've decided to get gastric bypass. You okay with that? 'Cause I might die, you know. It has happened. I want you to remarry, if I do. Just make sure she sings stupid songs at inopportune times, like me; it'll confuse the kids less. So...we're good?” So with his grunt and nod of approval (should I have talked to him while he was reading the newspaper?), I sign up. I spend about 10 more phone conversations WITH PHP DISCUSSING THE SURGERY. NO mention of the “inches away” plan, btw, and about a trillion with the Bariatric Clinic itself.

I find out that PHP will only pay $2500 towards the over $10000 cost of the procedure. “Well, that just about settles it. No surgery for me.” Then a miracle. The Bariatric Clinic calls and tells me that they will accept PHP's payment as full payment (I later find out this is ONLY for the clinic. They hit ALL OF US patients up a full month after our surgery with over $3000 in additional bills stating they are from the hospital and anesthesia and they weren't included in THEIR costs). So, the surgery is BACK ON!

The Clinic requires many weeks of classes, and PHP requires 6 months of doctor supervised weight loss before I can be eligible for the surgery. I make it. On August 13, 2011 I weigh in at 229 lbs. Officially at least 10% weight loss. Money, come to Momma. At the time they sent me my $500 check, I was scheduled for surgery for the first week of November. There's NO WAY PHP could say they didn't know about it.

November 7 was D-day. Scared to death of....well, death, I went into surgery sobbing like a baby and woke up screaming like a banchee. Apparently, they didn't believe me when I told them I take high-dose pain killers on a regular basis and they need to start me off at a high point. I crawled off the ceiling about an hour and a half later. Even Scott was yelling at the doctor to give me more drugs, and if you know Scott, yelling doesn't come naturally (when the kids aren't around, that is). So, several months of pure torture I won't go into right now. Not only physical, but mental as well. Then, of course, comes the additional $3000 in medical bills along with a letter saying PHP won't cover the mental exam that's required before the surgery (conveniently given to me AFTER the fact). So, financially, we're more than broke; Physically- I'm shedding weight like I'm Kate Moss prepping for a runway show. Not a joke. I don't think I stayed in one size for an entire week. Would I do it again, even with the $3k and other crap? In a heartbeat.

Fast-forward to August 20, 2012. One year after my $500 and I've certainly kept the weight off. Down to 144 to be exact. We have a basement that's crying to be finished and I'm checking the mailbox every 20 minutes for my $1000 bonus check. Nothing. Days pass. Nothing. Finally, on September 12 I finally call. “PHP How can I help you?” Asks a chipper voice that can only be fueled by several cups of caffeine. “Uh. Yes. I'm on the inches away program, and I've been waiting several weeks for my check, but it still hasn't come.” And let see, I'm using about $200 for lumber/screws/nails, a couple hundred for drywall, a few hundred more for carpeting. I was originally going to get Scott and I a new mattress set and some bedroom furniture, but decided we needed something for the whole family. “Okay. Let me check for you!” Paula Peppy replies. After about 3 ½ years she comes back. “Yep. It looks like you're ineligible because you had bariatric surgery.” She says with a smile I feel like smacking through the phone. “What. Are. You. Talking. About.” “Uh. Hold on, okay?” No. SOOOO not okay. Another day passes and Pukey Paula is back on. “Yeah. That's the deal. You're not eligible because you had surgery, and well, that makes you ineligible.” Still smiling through the phone says the obvious Harvard grad. “There was NOTHING on ANY papers I signed that said ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! THIS IS A LOAD OF CRAP!” I won't bore you with the details, but let's just say I went on at length. Here's the clincher: She said they don't inform the PHP members, necessarily, but “the doctor's should know about it and they should have told you”. Oh, REALLY? You don't feel this falls under, perhaps, YOU'RE JURISDICTION?

I actually received the rejection letter the same day (of course). It states that “We will provide you, free of charge, the internal rule, guideline or policy used in making this determination.” Okay, is it just me, or is an internal rule a little like a three-year old making up the game as he goes along. Is this rule invisable or kept under lock-and-key? Does ANYONE have access to that information, or were we supposed to hire a Psychic to find out all our health benefits? Stop me when I reach the correct one.

Well, I told them I would contact every Newspaper, radio station and TV network I could find as well as the Indiana Insurance Commissioner and an Attorney (any pro-bono takers out there?)! But, of course, first I have to blog about it.

So, I foresee my next few months battling with the insurance company (because the IRS just isn't fun enough) in what will probably be a total loss. In case you haven't heard, our family doesn't do very well in court cases.

Taste Testing: Grace Island Baked Cheese Crisps

Okay, if you don't know by now, I'm a sucker for just about anything free. So, when a friend asked if I would sample some Baked Cheese Crisps from Grace Island Foods ( www.graceislandfoods.com ) I was TOTALLY going for it. Free is one thing, Free FOOD is even better!! As it turns out, the snacks were delivered to us on a Sunday that we had to stay after church for a while, so by the time we were in the van we were FAMISHED and tore into these crackers like there would be no tomorrow. So, in all actuality, I'm not only going to give you my honest (they did say an HONEST opinion), but I'm going to let my kids and husband give you theirs as well.


When I was first told about these, I was pretty excited. I'm quite restricted as to what foods I can eat now, and these snacks fit right in with what is allowed. Even the ingredient list is READABLE (cheese, egg white, sesame seed, garlic, onion, salt, spices). That's almost unheard of in a grocery store nowadays! So, here is a rundown of the different cheese crisps we tried and what we thought of them:

Baby Swiss: Tanya: I'm a swiss cheese LOVER so I was excited to try these. When you look at them, they look just like what happens when some cheese leaks out of a burrito onto your cookie sheet and gets cooked there. The crisps were definately....well, crispy! It had just a hint of swissy taste to it, and was pretty....okay.  Not remarkable, but not bad. I was hoping for a little more swiss flavor, but I thought it was decent. Katye: The swiss was really, really good. It was one of my favorites.  (Considering Kayte is our semi-vegetarian and world class picky eater, this is rarely heard from her describing ANY food) Aidan: GOOD! I really liked ALL of them. 
Bottom line: So, while it was only okay for me, the fact that my pickiest eater and other kids liked it, and the fact that it's super healthy would leave me to purchase these for a snack...well, depending on the price I guess.

Asiago: Kayte: This was the BEST one. It was a lot like the swiss, but with a lot more flavor. Tanya: I have to agree with Kayte on part of that, it definately had more flavor than the swiss; but I enjoyed the more subtle swiss. I thought this was a little too sesame seedy for my taste. Aidan: This was kinda yummy. Scott: Not very cheesy tasting, just salty enough. Okay tasting.
Bottom line: I would probably buy this if Kayte chipped in some money, but she was the only one who really loved this kind.

Parmesan & Italian Herb: Tanya: I was really disappointed in this one. I was expecting to get a really good burst of Italian flavor, but it was really sub-par. None of the kids really liked this one either. I think with a little recipe tweaking this could be quite yummy, but, as is, it's not. Amelia: This one was my favorite! Kayte: This one wasn't my favorite but it was good.
Bottom Line: For some reason, Scott didn't get one of these, but everyone's basic opinion was..eh. Except for Mimi who chose these as her favorites. SO, if she wanted to chip in some moolah to buy some, I might go for it.

Romano & Black Pepper: Tanya: Okay, I've saved this one for last. Our entire family has one opinion, while Aidan is on the opposite side. My very first reaction is that...uh....yuck would be an understatement. I honestly thought it tasted like bile. I didn't even make it past a nibble. In fact I BARELY made it past the smell. I don't know that a single person in our family took more than a nibble off a corner...except Aidan. He INHALED them!! He would patiently wait while someone tried one, then  (drooling) jump up and attack the crisp as if he had never had a meal in his life. In fact, just TALKING about the crisps makes him want some more. Ava: This doesn't taste very good, but it's a little crunchy. Hope (Ava's friend): I thought it was good, but at the end it wasn't very good at all.
Bottom Line: If I were you, I would DEFINATELY try a sample of this before buying a large bag. It will not be on our family's grocery list.

So, there you have it. Take it or leave it, it's our very humble family's (and Hope's) opinion.

Baby #6 at Our House

A good friend of ours has been in the hospital the last few days, so we are able to bless our home with Baby #6 for a few days! To be honest, I was kind of hoping for a screaming, demanding, high-maintenance baby. I've had the 'baby itch' for the last couple of years; SCOTT, on the other hand, has taken plenty of anti-itch medication (also known as the common teenager). Maybe it's BECAUSE we have teenagers that I have this urgency to have something cute and cuddly that responds GRATEFULLY to every small offering. A little being who offers a smile whether you offered one or not. Someone who loves unconditionally, without wanting the car keys in return.

As I was saying, I was (kind of) hoping for a reminder of how demanding a baby can be, but ended up with what I can only determine is the world's happiest baby. Because his Mom had to go into the hospital urgently, Baby Boy came with very few directions. Luckily, I have at least 5 children I haven't managed to damage beyond repair, so I figured we could wing it. This little cutie has been SO accommodating, that he just rolls with the punches. Speaking of roll, he's also JUST starting to get up on all fours and rocking back in forth and managing to scoot himself forward with each try. He's perfectly content to lay on his tummy on a blanket and aim himself towards his favorite toy (or our dog/cat) and work on reaching his goal. Very inspiring.

Of course, the other kids are all having a field day with him as well. Aidan looks like a proud papa every time he holds him. He always brings him around to whoever is around and shows off how smiley he is and how much he loves to be in Aidan's arms. Kate (who is fairly certain she's allergic to infants) is even smitten with him. As long as he doesn't need a diaper change, that is. And Baby Boy seems to be quite smitten with Kate. She better get used to boys drooling over her. Ava FINALLY has someone to take care of, and she does her very best to tend to his every whimper. She has finally found an outlet and a listening ear for all of her singing. Enoch has discovered that babies don't like the scary version of Peek-A-Boo, and that his deep voice can really disarm a crying baby. Amelia, of course, is in Mommy heaven. Even the poopiest of diapers hasn't turned her off.

And Scott and I? Well, Scott is keeping a smiley distance. He thinks the baby is cute and SUPER easy going, but he's not about to get too close for fear of catching the dreaded 'baby wanting disease'. Myself? Heavenly Father has wisely given me a seriously painful kidney stone as a reminder that, even though the baby may be easy-going, that doesn't necessarily mean that the lives AROUND the baby will be as easy.

All in all- we are LOVING every precious moment we have with this little guy, while praying that his beautiful and loving Mommy will get better soon. I'm certain she's desperate to get back to the world's best baby.

Back on the Wagon

To say I "fell off the wagon" is quite an understatement. More like "fell off the face of the earth"! Well, I will make no promises again, apparently they scare me off; so, I'll just do the best that I can!


I'd try and go back and re-hash everything that has happened since the beginning of the year.....but that would take two months to record, and I promised myself that I didn't have to if I would at least blog SOMETHING!! So......


I just finished reading a book titled We Need to Talk About Kevin. I go through 2-4 books each week, but this book took me a week to finish by itself. It took so long because I would have to read a 'normal, happyish' book in between chapters. Sometimes I wouldn't even make it to the end of a chapter. If you haven't heard the premise (it's also being made into a move- of course- anything this disturbing and unpleasant is BOUND to be a blockbuster), it's about a teenager who goes on a school shooting rampage, and the book is a series of letters written from his Mother to his Father. She basically 'fesses up' to the fact that she NEVER loved her son, was ALWAYS scared of him, and it was bound to happen. She tries to take the blame, but in a desperate "this is what I'm supposed to do" type way. It is a pathetic book, to say the least, and yet I found myself coming back to it again and again. I imagine much in the same way that people can't help but look at a car wreck to see if they can see anything. It puts motherhood on the same level as some pathetic job you HAVE to do, just because someone tells you you should. At the end, there's a hint of emotional connection between the mother and the son, and by that point you're SO DESPERATE for any type of bonding between the two, your brain tells you that the piddly amount that is shown is magnified into a real 'breakthrough'. This book/movie is another very obvious attempt from Satan to convince the world that the very nature of motherhood is pathetic, and when our children exercise their free agency, there is still some blame to be put on those who raised them. I'll step off my soap box now.

Happy 2012!!

Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

You know you're so totally over the hill when you go to bed at 11:45 on New Year's Eve. You also know your KIDS know you're too old, when they don't even BOTHER to come in 15 minutes later to wish you a Happy New Year. Nope, not even the 6 year old (although she might have fallen asleep- I came out at 2am and she's sprawled half off of the couch).

So, at 2:15am I am now wide awake (ill) and wishing it were 11:45 so I could just go to sleep, but alas. It isn't meant to be. SOOOO I decided to blog.  About nothing. Well, not about NOTHING just what I just told you......(and cue the lights...fade out......hopefully)

So Watch Out 2012!  Here come the Hepworths!!  

Times they are a-changin'

Well, that's me!! About 75 pounds less than 9 months ago. (I look so happy because I'm at the library using the internet and trying to figure out how to get my computer camera to work without the help of my 10 year old.) I don't know if I've ever posted a picture of myself on here (at least not on purpose) so I thought it time to do so.  Speaking of time.....
Lot's of things seem to be changing around the Hepworth household lately:
Enoch- Enoch now has his student driver's license. Which basically means that Mom and Dad are daily praying for more patience. While at first he was driving too fast, now we're working on stopping slower, keeping both hands on the wheel, and doing more than one thing at a time (apparently, he tends to drift into oncoming lanes of traffic while going around curves because he's trying to make sure his dims are on. I've assured him that someone would rather be 'high-beamed' than in a head-on collision). He's also finishing up his college credits for two computer classes. He also received a 'cell-phone' of sorts. Think as basic as possible, make it a pay-as-you-go-and-as-long-as-your-work-is-done plan, no pics, no internet, and Mom has access to everything and everyone you call and text. Now you get a little better picture. He wrote out the rules loooong before we got him a phone, and we gave it to him for his 16th birthday.  On the home homeschool front...well, let's not talk about that.....
Amelia- Well, she's stopped surpassing Enoch in height this year. I don't know if she cares very much, but I'm certain Enoch does! She started attending dances this year and usually ends up on the dance floor for at least SOME of the dances (thanks to Enoch and other friends). Her and Mom now share jewelry and some clothes (and in just a few more months, none of MY clothes OR HERS will ever be safe from each other AGAIN!! Good thing we have a lot of the same tastes). One thing she DID pass me up on was shoe size, however. She's also been babysitting for the neighbors, which has thrown Ava into a bit of a tailspin (having to give up HER Mimi to her best friend at times). Mimi's loving the cash, however.
Kate- or as she's changed it to: Kayte. She's still producing "The Messed-Up Bulletin" for the missionaries every Sunday. Has for a couple of years now. She takes the 'normal' Sunday bulletin (provided that we have one) and writes notes all over it from the speakers, then some other stuff, and gives a copy to the current set of missionaries every week. Some AWESOME missionaries tend to write messed-up ones back to her, which she saves. We're going to start photocopying them before she hands them over so we can keep a 'journal' of them. Some are pretty clever. I think this year Ka(y)te has discovered her niche in life- WRITING. She has done some very impressive things, and the more I read of her writing, the more encouraged I am that she won't have to spend the remainder of her life in therapy. To put all of her amazing talent to good use, we presented her with her own blog this year: www.katesdelirium.blogspot.com I hope she'll enjoy it. She was stumped for some starting topics, so I found a list for her; but, let's face it Like me, she'll learn that the everyday is the best place for the funniest stuff. Speaking of funny....
Aidan- I don't think Aidan had to be hospitalized ONCE this year, although he will have to go down to Indy early this year to help with his old tube site. After 2 1/2 years, his feeding tube site STILL looks horrible and nothing we or the doctors up here seem to do is helping it. We'll be seeing some DIFFERENT pediatric specialists that will hopefully be able to 'fix it'. He has become our engineer of the family. If something (particularly electronic) isn't working- he's our go-to guy. Scott couldn't even figure out how to hook up our old camcorder (which we lost the cord AND had no batteries to) to watch some of our old tapes on our tv, so we just set it aside. Lo and behold, later the next afternoon, Aidan has it hooked up to the tv and working like a charm!! He's got a lot of his Daddy in him. Now, if only Daddy would let him get a hold of his soldering iron!
Ava- probably the best thing that Ava has done this year is learn to READ!! But, unlike our others, she prefers reading cookbooks, craft books, paper books, how-to books. She's all about big bright pictures and lots of lists She LOVES reading lists. Typical Aspie. Speaking of her Asperger's- she still flaps, and while during the summer it seemed to explode in length and strength she also started adding facial tics We're grateful that the flapping has diminished quite a bit, but whenever she's concentrating on something, or even just doing something she enjoys, she'll make some strange faces and have repetitive movement in other parts of her body. While this would be EXTREMELY disruptive in a classroom sort of setting, I'm once again grateful for the opportunity we have to homeschool where it's not a problem.  The REAL problem?  The constant singing.....not to ME, of course, but to the other siblings in the house. (Hence, a VERY thoughtful set of parents purchased headphones for them for Christmas) She sings EVERYTHING ... ALL THE TIME.  Just last night she asked me how people became 'singing people' on the radio. I gave her a very basic run-down, but her greatest concern was that she wanted to sing her OWN MADE-UP songs. Not what someone else tells her to sing. No problem, I told her. Then she asked about TV.  I told her that they were all really computer-generated and real living humans couldn't be on tv or in the movies. I think that will hold her..at least for a few more years.  (Yes sweetie, Justin Bieber IS a cyborg.)
Mom and Dad? Well, I'm losing weight (and my mind- all at the same time!) and trying to figure out homeschooling for the 5th year in a row (you'd think I'd have it by now..but, no I'm beginning to think I will NEVER have it. Or that there's nothing to have!) I'm the Young Women president of the Kendallville Branch and I just might go inactive if they ever call me away from that. I LOVE this calling and I LOVE the girls. (Here's a little funny: One of the boys one of the YW is/was dating was saying trashy icky inappropriate things, so I pulled him into the coat closet and threatened him.  Just a little. Well....maybe a little more than a little. Bodily harm? Check. Death? Check. Calling his parents/bishop/stake president? Check. Make his life a living hell? Check. Haunting him? Check. Let's just say it contained a little of everything a good 'talking to' should. I can tell you one thing, though. THIS particular 'young man' will NEVER touch one of MY young women.  Dad is still at I-Span where they're getting ready to move into an actual building!! This after the company saw one of it's worst years ever. We were grateful he was able to weather the storm and still has a job through it all. We are praying for the company to TAKE OFF!!! In a good way, of course. Scott's still the Scout Master and hasn't managed to kill, or be killed BY any of his boys yet (and if you knew some of these boys, you'd know what a miracle that was!). We're getting ready to finish our basement this spring (ASAP since it was supposed to be done TWO YEARS ago!!) and are taking ANY AND ALL volunteers. Our money will be tight, but we're hoping our friends will be plentiful!
Well, I'm not sure how often I'll update. We're dropping our current Internet Provider for being idiots (more on that later, perhaps), so we'll be on the Public Library Internet until we secure other means. I'm going to make a resolution to post AT LEAST ONCE every 10 days. In other words, to not EVER (this coming year '12) let MORE than 10 days go by without you hearing from us. HOWEVER, I get let off the hook for 1) vacations lasting longer than a week 2) hospitalizations lasting longer than 4 days or 3) laundry piled more than 8 feet high.  Okay, maybe not #3. That's practically every week.

It's been great talking to you again. Keep checking in on Kayte, and give her some good encouragement. We love you all!

Time4Learning

 
 
I've been avoiding my blog. Like the plague (in case you didn't notice). However, I was HORRIBLY surprised and dismayed when I found out I haven't posted since JANUARY!!!! Could that possibly be true?!! NO WAY. I am perplexed. And sorry. I will do better.
 
It's not going to be a long post, but I have to let you in on a little homeschool secret I have. I've been slacking BIG TIME in my efforts with Ava, but even with that she's FLYING through her K and most of her 1st grade workbooks (not to shabby for a 5 yr old). I can't take any of the credit, however. We signed up for this super-cheap trial of a program called Time4Learning.com It's absolutely amazing. It has just enough entertainment for her to actually think she's NOT doing schoolwork, but it's teaching her a TON. She BEGS to go on it, and I've even made it her 'reward' for when she gets her chores done and things like that. I had done it several years ago for the older three, the summer before we started homeschooling. They were addicted to it (especially the Lego Ergo Sum...which, unless you know this program will make no sense to you). It REALLY appealed to them on an older level, so I wasn't sure how well it would work for Ava. Like a charm. I REALLY REALLY advise anyone who has kids (home or public school) to think about doing this through the summer. It will keep their minds active, and they won't go back next year having to re-learn everything they lost during the summer. And hey, if you do, make sure you let them know I sent you. Use my name and my email: enochhepworth@yahoo.com I get a little sumpin' sumpin'. You know- share the love.
 
Take care, and I'll return MUCH sooner this time.
 

Sundae Lessons

Enoch and Amelia:  Spending two hours catching up on Seminary is much more fun when you get to eat a Sundae before doing so.

Kate: Black and White striped tights go with anything...and nothing.

Aidan: An ice cream "scoopful" can range from 1/4 tsp to 2 cupfulls.  It all depends on who's doing the scooping.

Ava: It's always fun to have friends over.  Even if they're not 'technically' yours.  

Yesterday's Lessons

Well, Since I was in bed all day (yes, ALL DAY.  Can't wait for these back injections on Thursday) you would THINK I didn't learn anything from my kids.  Alas, you are wrong my friend.

Enoch: A person can be very kind to someone they usually aren't.  Especially when they're terribly sick.

Amelia: It's usually best to send a female to the store with a male when they go grocery shopping.

Katarina: When you are required to do the SAME THING EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE, it should eventually catch on.

Aidan: Being like your big brother is great, unless you're talking about the bad stuff, then it's time to go out on a limb and BE YOUR(kind)SELF.

Ava: Spooning is for EVERYONE!!

Today's Lessons

Well, it's only been a million years since I've posted.  I've decided that I would post MUCH MORE often (and probably much more humorous and entertaining) if I has some fancy schmancy cell phone I could do it from immediately.  So, feel free to send your donations DIRECTLY to my house c/o ME.  I will see what I can do.  Until then....
People often (maybe not often enough) say "enjoy your kids", "they grow up too quickly", "you'll wish you had those years back".  You know what?  I think they are probably right.  Despite the daily (minutely, secondly) trials we may go through with and for our offspring, each day holds something beautiful for us, and another lesson that we can learn from them. I'm secretly hoping there is also a lesson that my children learn from me each day.  SO:  Not as a 'New Year's Resolution', mostly because it's not January 1st, and also because if it was I would have to give it up within 3 days, but JUST BECAUSE I feel the need to keep track for them and me: I am going to try REALLY HARD to write down the lessons I learn from my kids each day.  Or at least most days.  Certainly better than I have done in the past.  So, here goes:
What I learned from:
Enoch- Sometimes it really sucks to be the example.
Amelia- You don't always get a second chance, even if you didn't understand the rules.  Therefore: Listen Carefully the first time.  At the same time.  Not everyone's good at the same things.  Thank goodness. Kate- Yes.  It is inevitable.  You will grow out of your favorite shirt.  Especially when you grow that fast.  No, you CANNOT keep wearing it. Aidan- Just because you put like things together, does not mean they are put where they belong.
Ava- If you don't try the lima beans, you won't get dessert.  Very few new things kill people.

The Dog Who Wanted to Die

Are you SERIOUS?!!

Oh yes I am!!

Tonight, about 2 1/2 hours after I went to bed (stupidly thinking I would get in a good, FULL nights sleep).  Moe starts digging around at his blankets, making this weird noises, and coming up to put his cold nose in my ear....CONSTANTLY!  Finally, I got out of bed (after first making Scott get out of bed to see if he had food and water) and followed him....out to the middle of the living room.  He just sat down, but he kept licking his..uh..lips? (if dogs have lips).  I finally let him outside, and crawled back into bed.  He stayed out for about 20 min (loading up on grass...you'll see why) and then barked to come in again.  I let him in, and the same routine..this time WORSE, MUCH WORSE.  I rolled over and told Scott that something was really wrong, and that I was taking my fan and going to lay out on the couch with him until I could figure out what was going on.  I gathered my fan, my blanket, and my Moe and we curled up on our oversized chair.  And then I realized what was going on.  He was choking.  He kept...uh...well, TRYING to upchuck something from his throat, but it wasn't working.  He was breathing, but it was very shallow and he was having a hard time with it.

I immediately said a prayer (I figured Scott wouldn't be too excited to get up and give a dog a blessing...and something tells me his faith might have been doubting had I made him), and turned on the laptop.  After what seemed like 8 hours of booting up, the internet finally came up (miracle in and of itself) and I looked up some information.  I found instructions for trying to dislodge the 'object' (can' wait to see what it is...if I ever find out.  Probably a barbie head.), then moved on to the Heimlich.  You can't tell from this picture, but this dog is approx 8 feet long, give or take.  It's pretty much a snake with short legs and hair.  Needless to say, the Heimlich was quite the acrobatic act and amusing, I'm sure.  I didn't receive any IMMEDIATE results, however, within the next 10 min he did barf up what looks like a truckload of oatmeal and grass.  Twice.  Unfortunately, that didn't do the trick.  He wanted back outside (to reload), so I let him out again.  He was out for another 15 min and he just came in again.  He seemed to be acting fine, so I started shutting off lights again, when I look over and he's gagging all over again.  Looks like it's going to be a long night.

I'll try and keep you updated.

My Baby Boy's Growing Up

 

 Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you

 

-Simon and Garfunkle "Bookends"

 

Happy 15th Birthday Enoch! 

My whopping weight loss

Whopping.  That reminds me of whoppers. Yummm.  Oh yeah, back to the topic.  Weight loss. I've been walking for the past 4 1/2 weeks (minus the week I was in the hospital)- 2 miles each morning and at least 3 nights another 2 miles.  I've been watching what I've eaten (my latest meds have actually made my stomache sick, so I've REALLY cut down on what we've been eating).  We haven't eaten out at all, and my biggest splurge has been Flaxseed toast with strawberry jelly on it at 5:30 before I walk.  And for all my hard sweat and effort- 5 CRAPPY POUNDS!!  I guess it's better than 0 Crappy pounds, or even 4 crappy pounds, but I'm still very disappointed.  I was REALLY hoping to be able to make my quota by November so I can use the money for Christmas (and who know HOW long it will take once they receive the doctor's to actually MAIL OUT the check).  I'm totally bummed.

I'm Feeling A Bit Lighter Already...

Okay, everyone remember that lovely ticket "situation" that happened a few months ago.  Well, I finally decided I would put down the last of the three payments (first one to the tow company, second for the overdue tags, third for the actual ticket itself).  What REALLY motivated me was a little card I received in the mail a week ago saying that my licence would be suspended beginning September 1st if I didn't cough up $154.  If you noticed, I received that card a week ago.  I took me this long to decide if I REEEEALLY wanted my license back.  I was kind of looking forward to a "forced" break from being everyone's cabbie!  I finally decided that it would just be entirely too cruel to Scott to take on all of the driving, and would break his bank account instead of his spirit, so I went and paid the ticket.  Here is what I find tremendously humorous; They broke my ticket down into 16 DIFFERENT CATEGORIES of where the money was going to!!  They ranged from $38.50 (for the "State Share") down to $.50 (for "Highway Worksite Fees")!  And, just for the plain fun of it, let me share with you the other break-downs (and my interpretations thereof): 

• Automated Record Keeping Fee- $7.00; This is the cost for turning the computer on.
• City/Town Share- $17.50; This is the amount that is split between the city councilmen depending on who wins the Fantasy Football League this season
• County Share- $14.00; This is for the councilmen who don't play FFL- it goes straight towards their end-of-the-year "didn't get caught with a prostitute this year" party
• Court Administration Fee- $5.00; This is for the lady who signed the receipt.  She deserves a good lunch from McDonalds.
• DNA Sample Processing Fee- $2.00; Either I have mothered children I am not aware of, or I am paying to figure out who fathered half the town of Butler.
• Document Storage Fee- $2.00; Since hard copies are no longer kept, this would be an additional fee for pressing the POWER button on the computer.  Or this cost goes towards purchasing their garbage bins.
• Highway Worksite Fees- $.50; This amount is quite reflective in how well they take care of the Highways and those who work on them.
• Infraction Judgements- $14.50; This is the ACTUAL PENALTY for me being late on my tags. 
• Judicial Insurance Adjustment Fee- $1.00; This is to help offset the hike in the courts insurance fees when they realized how many of them actually drink and drive.
• Judicial Salaries Fee- City- $4.50; This is the portion of the city judges salary I promised to pay by breaking the law.  Apparently if we all obeyed the laws, our judges would never get paid.
• Judicial Salaries Fee- State- $13.50; Same as above, the State judges just think more highly of themselves.
• Jury Fee- $2.00; The amount I pay to help hardened criminals get off scott-free because most of the jury is composed of people who think this is "good money"
• Late Payment Fee- $25.00; The amount of money I had to pay because I didn't have enough money to pay to get my tags renewed, which then cost me extra money in towing fees, which meant taking food out of my children's mouths and straight into the...
• Law Enforcement Continuing Education- $4.00; Because it's not enough just to know your ABC's anymore, now they want them to know which end of the gun to point at a suspect.  (This money actually helps to offset the cover charge of the officers to get into all of the off-campus parties).
• Public Defense Administration Fee- $3.00; This purchases gum for the Public Defenders to chomp on while the judge pounds out "GUILTY" for their clients.
• State Share- $38.50; If I'm reading this correctly, they should be handing some of this BACK to me...it does say SHARE after all.

And there it is.  All $154 broken down.  Sad, isn't it?