Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I usually shower without my contacts in (or glasses on, obviously), so I'm blind going into it. I figure I know where everything is (both in the shower and on me) so I don't really need to see- in fact, I'd rather not to be quite honest. So, imagine my surprise when I took a late afternoon shower the other day, contacts in, and found an audience waiting for me. Just as I'm slathering up, I noticed the first one, with a smirk on his face and his tongue sticking out- Blue. You know, from Blue's Clues. Bad enough that he's staring, but to so publicly mock me was embarassing. I turned so I wouldn't have to face him, and found Dora and Pikachu in a permanent state of shock (or disgust, or unbelief...something like that). Turning again, I find an army of little people and animals all staring with their eyes wide and unblinking. As if they've never seen something as disgustingly obscene as what is standing in front of them. I tried moving them all to the corner, where they fell into the bathtub looking straight UP at me. I kicked them around as quickly as I could so they couldn't get that quick of a look, and finished my shower in record time.
I'm sure I heard them laughing even as I ran out with my robe clutched around me.
I'm sure I heard them laughing even as I ran out with my robe clutched around me.
Posted by The Mom at Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Extwa! Extwa! Wead all abowt it! Speshel edition newspapaw!
How could you possibly resist that?
Well, that's what we were bankin' on when we got Aidan all dressed up like the old-fashion newsies to hand out special editions for the ACD parade (old cars) in Auburn. The kids earned $.25 for each paper they sold, and the winner (whoever sold the most) would get an additional $50. I volunteered Aidan, and Mia and Kate decided they wanted to do it, as well. So, we scrounged around and found some pioneer hats and dresses, and we all headed over to collect the papers. We could take 20 at a time, then when they were sold, you had to walk back to get more. Not exactly convenient, but hey, we're talkin' cold, hard, cash for kids. No convenience required. Scott was assigned to take Amelia and Kate around (while pushing Ava in the stroller) and keep an eye on them, while Enoch and I went around with Aidan to keep an eye on him. Let me tell you, there were a bunch of other kids that had been selling for a while, and they were out for BLOOD! They would butt in front of a line of people we were going up to, just to cut us off. It's a good thing I have at least minimal restraint, or I would have wedgied them 'till they saw stars. Well, we finally got down what Aidan was to say: "Would you please like to buy a special edition newspaper." We had tried going with "Would you like to buy..." but thought the cute little "please, like to buy" was pleading sounding enough without being begging. Of course, in Aidan-tongue it came out like "Would you pwease wike to buy a speshel edishon newspapaw. It's onwy a dower." Hook. Line. And sinker. We had people buying papers from us that had already purchased one. Who could resist a face like that? And, of course, the "accent", multiplied by the outfit- we were shoe-ins for the $50. Oh, I mean HE was a shoe-in for the $50. We finally found our pot o' gold- the restaurant. Just a little Mom and Pop joint, but the only one opened for the massive crowd of people showing up for the parade. It was packed, and every 20 minutes or so, the entire clientele would change. Fresh meat. He was able to sell to just about every table every time we went in. We had to do a little mad-dash and hiding to avoid the other "paper-bullies" from spotting our goldmine, but we kept it to ourselves the whole time. After we had gotten our second stack of 20, we came across a very sullen and unhappy Mia and Kate (and Ava who was screaming and writhing as if icyhot were lining her diaper). Now, no offense to Daddy (who I know will be reading this), but if you want an outspoken, in-your-face salesman- look further- MUCH further. This wasn't his "cup of tea" you might say. Our boys were bursting at the seams to share their "golden" spot, when the girls said they had only sold 4 papers. Our wonderful sons, considerate, kind, compassionate and not wanting to rub it in, loudly proclaimed, "IS THAT ALL??!! Man! We've sold almost 30!!!!" and proudly displayed there second, near-empty bag. That went over well. Amelia stomped her feet and declared that she was FINISHED and going home RIGHT NOW, Ava wailed in agreement, and we offered to take Kate with us. (How horrible of a Mom am I to consider this as having to "drag" her along- yep, that's what I thought). Sooooooo, Scott took screaming Mimi and Ava home to rest, while Enoch and I tried to enlighten Kate on the proper art of begging. Cute as she is, she was terrified of going up to people. We had decided that they would each take turns with every new person, but whenever it was Kate's turn, she would chicken out at the last minute, which would then be too late for Aidan to work his magic. (Are all parent's this obsessed with making sure their kid is THE BEST? Even over the others?) Well, we finally got things moving along at a good speed. We let Kate work her magic in the "goldmine" restaurant, which picked up her spirits and bravery. We went back for our next two bags of twenty papers each, and decided to walk the parade route- in the street! The other "newsies" were among the crowds, but here we were- Aidan blasting loud enough for both him and Kate- "EXTWA! EXTWA! WEAD ALL ABOWT IT!" The people were stumbling over themselves to get a paper and a picture taken with our little "newsies". Not even two blocks into the long parade route we realized we were out of papers again! This was the beginning of our demise. By this time, the other newskids had noticed, but hadn't been brave enough to cut in front of us in the street. But, as soon as I had to run back to get more papers, they came out of the crowd like cockroaches when the lights go out. They were everywhere. We only sold about 20 more or so the rest of the parade route, though. I must admit, a favorite part was when a lady came running out of her house yelling "Newspaper boy! Oh, little newspaper boy!" Aidan came running for her, when out of the blue comes this little......OTHER paperboy who said "Here's One!!" The lady looked at him, and said, "No, I wanted one from HIM." A PROUD mother moment. She likes MY kid better then THAT kid! She ended up buying one from both of them. Oh, well. Throw 'em a little scrap, too. (Of course, all of these evil 2nd grade thoughts are kept to myself, except when I spill them to all of you. But, then again, I say these things knowing that SURELY I'm not the only one thinking them at one time or another. Just the only one stupid enough to admit it.)
After selling papers from 9:30 to 2:30, we settled on a friend's porch for some much-deserved and welcomed ice cream sandwiches and watched the rest of the parade. Although Aidan doesn't know it, he made over $30 in tips alone. We put all the money together and divided it evenly among Enoch, Kate, and Aidan (with a little extra for Enoch and Aidan because they sold the lion's share). When Mimi saw me passing out the "massive" wad of bills and coins, she proudly stuck her hand out as well. I dropped two quarters in them. She was horrified. "That's IT?!" "How many papers did you sell?", I asked her. "Two, but how come THEY get all THAT money?" "Because they worked for it.". Don't you just hate that lesson as a kid?
Well, apparently the contest was rigged, because my kids didn't win. And, after all, isn't that what's important? To be MORE accurate, to the kids the MONEY was the most important this day, and according to the guy passing out the cash, Aidan had more tips then he's ever seen doing this.
So, we did a little garage saling after so they could buy themselves something "special".
I promise I'll be back soon!
Homeschooling Hell Week
Horsin' around with Poop
Wanted: Tanya Hepworth/Field Trip to Prison to Visit Mom
Can't wait, can ya?!!
'Till next blog....
Posted by The Mom at Wednesday, September 19, 2007