The Dog Who Wanted to Die

Are you SERIOUS?!!

Oh yes I am!!

Tonight, about 2 1/2 hours after I went to bed (stupidly thinking I would get in a good, FULL nights sleep).  Moe starts digging around at his blankets, making this weird noises, and coming up to put his cold nose in my ear....CONSTANTLY!  Finally, I got out of bed (after first making Scott get out of bed to see if he had food and water) and followed him....out to the middle of the living room.  He just sat down, but he kept licking his..uh..lips? (if dogs have lips).  I finally let him outside, and crawled back into bed.  He stayed out for about 20 min (loading up on grass...you'll see why) and then barked to come in again.  I let him in, and the same routine..this time WORSE, MUCH WORSE.  I rolled over and told Scott that something was really wrong, and that I was taking my fan and going to lay out on the couch with him until I could figure out what was going on.  I gathered my fan, my blanket, and my Moe and we curled up on our oversized chair.  And then I realized what was going on.  He was choking.  He kept...uh...well, TRYING to upchuck something from his throat, but it wasn't working.  He was breathing, but it was very shallow and he was having a hard time with it.

I immediately said a prayer (I figured Scott wouldn't be too excited to get up and give a dog a blessing...and something tells me his faith might have been doubting had I made him), and turned on the laptop.  After what seemed like 8 hours of booting up, the internet finally came up (miracle in and of itself) and I looked up some information.  I found instructions for trying to dislodge the 'object' (can' wait to see what it is...if I ever find out.  Probably a barbie head.), then moved on to the Heimlich.  You can't tell from this picture, but this dog is approx 8 feet long, give or take.  It's pretty much a snake with short legs and hair.  Needless to say, the Heimlich was quite the acrobatic act and amusing, I'm sure.  I didn't receive any IMMEDIATE results, however, within the next 10 min he did barf up what looks like a truckload of oatmeal and grass.  Twice.  Unfortunately, that didn't do the trick.  He wanted back outside (to reload), so I let him out again.  He was out for another 15 min and he just came in again.  He seemed to be acting fine, so I started shutting off lights again, when I look over and he's gagging all over again.  Looks like it's going to be a long night.

I'll try and keep you updated.

My Baby Boy's Growing Up

 

 Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you

 

-Simon and Garfunkle "Bookends"

 

Happy 15th Birthday Enoch! 

My whopping weight loss

Whopping.  That reminds me of whoppers. Yummm.  Oh yeah, back to the topic.  Weight loss. I've been walking for the past 4 1/2 weeks (minus the week I was in the hospital)- 2 miles each morning and at least 3 nights another 2 miles.  I've been watching what I've eaten (my latest meds have actually made my stomache sick, so I've REALLY cut down on what we've been eating).  We haven't eaten out at all, and my biggest splurge has been Flaxseed toast with strawberry jelly on it at 5:30 before I walk.  And for all my hard sweat and effort- 5 CRAPPY POUNDS!!  I guess it's better than 0 Crappy pounds, or even 4 crappy pounds, but I'm still very disappointed.  I was REALLY hoping to be able to make my quota by November so I can use the money for Christmas (and who know HOW long it will take once they receive the doctor's to actually MAIL OUT the check).  I'm totally bummed.

I'm Feeling A Bit Lighter Already...

Okay, everyone remember that lovely ticket "situation" that happened a few months ago.  Well, I finally decided I would put down the last of the three payments (first one to the tow company, second for the overdue tags, third for the actual ticket itself).  What REALLY motivated me was a little card I received in the mail a week ago saying that my licence would be suspended beginning September 1st if I didn't cough up $154.  If you noticed, I received that card a week ago.  I took me this long to decide if I REEEEALLY wanted my license back.  I was kind of looking forward to a "forced" break from being everyone's cabbie!  I finally decided that it would just be entirely too cruel to Scott to take on all of the driving, and would break his bank account instead of his spirit, so I went and paid the ticket.  Here is what I find tremendously humorous; They broke my ticket down into 16 DIFFERENT CATEGORIES of where the money was going to!!  They ranged from $38.50 (for the "State Share") down to $.50 (for "Highway Worksite Fees")!  And, just for the plain fun of it, let me share with you the other break-downs (and my interpretations thereof): 

• Automated Record Keeping Fee- $7.00; This is the cost for turning the computer on.
• City/Town Share- $17.50; This is the amount that is split between the city councilmen depending on who wins the Fantasy Football League this season
• County Share- $14.00; This is for the councilmen who don't play FFL- it goes straight towards their end-of-the-year "didn't get caught with a prostitute this year" party
• Court Administration Fee- $5.00; This is for the lady who signed the receipt.  She deserves a good lunch from McDonalds.
• DNA Sample Processing Fee- $2.00; Either I have mothered children I am not aware of, or I am paying to figure out who fathered half the town of Butler.
• Document Storage Fee- $2.00; Since hard copies are no longer kept, this would be an additional fee for pressing the POWER button on the computer.  Or this cost goes towards purchasing their garbage bins.
• Highway Worksite Fees- $.50; This amount is quite reflective in how well they take care of the Highways and those who work on them.
• Infraction Judgements- $14.50; This is the ACTUAL PENALTY for me being late on my tags. 
• Judicial Insurance Adjustment Fee- $1.00; This is to help offset the hike in the courts insurance fees when they realized how many of them actually drink and drive.
• Judicial Salaries Fee- City- $4.50; This is the portion of the city judges salary I promised to pay by breaking the law.  Apparently if we all obeyed the laws, our judges would never get paid.
• Judicial Salaries Fee- State- $13.50; Same as above, the State judges just think more highly of themselves.
• Jury Fee- $2.00; The amount I pay to help hardened criminals get off scott-free because most of the jury is composed of people who think this is "good money"
• Late Payment Fee- $25.00; The amount of money I had to pay because I didn't have enough money to pay to get my tags renewed, which then cost me extra money in towing fees, which meant taking food out of my children's mouths and straight into the...
• Law Enforcement Continuing Education- $4.00; Because it's not enough just to know your ABC's anymore, now they want them to know which end of the gun to point at a suspect.  (This money actually helps to offset the cover charge of the officers to get into all of the off-campus parties).
• Public Defense Administration Fee- $3.00; This purchases gum for the Public Defenders to chomp on while the judge pounds out "GUILTY" for their clients.
• State Share- $38.50; If I'm reading this correctly, they should be handing some of this BACK to me...it does say SHARE after all.

And there it is.  All $154 broken down.  Sad, isn't it?

The Weight-Loss Battle Continues...

 Well, you are probably wondering how my weight-loss "strategy" is going (that is if your life is sooo exciting that you feel you really NEED to follow mine).  Well, the first day I did pretty good.  I had myself a bunch of oatmeal, with a little sugar.....and maybe a little cocoa....and perhaps some milk and butter.  Okay, perhaps my oatmeal was in the form of no-bake cookies (better known as "doo-doo cookies" at our house).  But oatmeal's oatmeal, right?  I haven't been keeping track of ANYTHING I eat, so that part is going pretty crappy, BUTT (and that's still a big butt if you noticed) I have been walking every morning at 6am (7am on Wed)(oh, and not at all on Monday, Saturday and Sunday).  Okay, so now that I type it out it doesn't sound quite as impressive as it actually FEELS.  AND I even went for an evening walk on Wednesday night- granted when I went to walk on Thursday morning,  I was pretty sure that there was a miniature pirate strapped to each calf stabbing me with a sword the entire time, so our 40 min walk turned into a 20 min walk and a 20 min nap in the van.  I went on a walk again tonight with Aidan, Kate and Ava.  I'm hoping for LESS pain tomorrow morning....eventually, I reason, my body will stop rejecting my pathetic attempts at excercise and just work with me.  We shall see.
 
By the way, our new kittens caught (and presented us with) a shrew this morning.  Did you know that a shrew's heart beats approx 800 times a minute!! Their metabolism works SO fast that they will die of starvation if they haven't eaten for ten hours.  I'm feeling very shrewish lately.  If only my body would metabolize my food that fast!!

What would YOU do for $500?

 I signed up through my health insurance for a program that would GIVE me $500 if I lost 10% of my body weight, and an additional $1000 if I kept if off for a year. Does being overweight PAY?  I guess in this case it LITERALLY does.  How could I NOT go for this one.  I'm already dreaming up what I'll use the money for....a new bed, a used bedroom set, Propane to keep our heat on for the winter...Of course I'm daydreaming about all of this while eating poached eggs at 1 o'clock in the morning.  Why am I eating poached eggs?  Because there is no ice cream and someone ate all the Doo-doo cookies Scott made this afternoon.  Great start, eh? 
 
I went to my Physicians office who told me that it would be totally easy (said by someone who has never battled a weight problem themselves).  All I needed to do was keep track of everything I eat, then figure out the calories and keep it to under 1200 a day (I think that's right...well, either 120, 1200 or 120000...one of those), and excercise more (or in my case, excercise).  Well, gee doc...why didn't you tell me that 100 lbs and 5 kids ago?!  Of course, the fact that I have to figure in my 12 meds, including a steroid, miiiight add a little to the issue, but let's face it, I was looooong gone before the steroid ever came into play.
 
So, here's my plan.  Enoch and Amelia start Seminary on the 24th.  I plan on driving them to Seminary, walking with a friend of mine from 6-7am, then coming home.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to hit the YMCA a couple of days a week as well.  I'm REALLY hoping that I start to ENJOY the feeling of being fit and losing weight and really go to town on this.  I just hope that I recognize that feeling when I get it.  I'm not sure it's ever been with me before.  As for writing down everything I eat, that sounds like a great idea...in theory....in REALITY I'm lucky if I can get my kids schoolwork graded.  Of course, then there's having to find a pencil (that has lead) or a pen (that works) or a crayon, and something to write on (other than their homework...."Mom, why does my math homework say 2 gallons of ice cream?"..."uhhhh. Oh, I was .... uh, going to write you a story problem...."
 
I'll try to keep you posted and up-to-date on how this is going.  Everyone and their brother (just about literally) has enough tips and information they want to share with me.  I'm just hoping to get up on time the morning of the 24th!

THIS is what I've waited for?

I CAN'T FIGURE THIS NEW BLOG THING OUT!!!! AaarrrGGggghhHHHH!!!!!


Okay, so perhaps I'm just a taaaaad frustrated today.  We finally have our internet "working" for the first time in around 4-6 weeks (we'll see if that really continues). THEN, I finally get on here to update my blog, and everythings.....well....MESSED UP!!!  And I KNOW it wasn't me, 'cause I haven't even been in here for weeks.  I'd blame it on the kids, who make a mess of everything else,  but I don't think they even know how to get onto it...so that leaves me to believe that the lovely "blogspot" has decided to 'tweak' things up to make them "better".  Okay, well in my uninformed condition, "better" officially sucks.


Okay, so that isn't even the power behind the angry frustration I've felt today, just another 'fly in the ointment' (which is a completely DISGUSTING phrase, by the way, and I don't even know if I'm using it correctly). Here is the main reason:


Doctors.  'nuff said.


Right, like I could leave it there.  Well:  I finally returned to our "million dollar question/answer guy" the NEPHROLOGIST.  This is who we have waited a year and dozens upon dozens of tests for, to give us a qualitative answer to 'Where the heck are all of these kidney stones coming from and How do we stop them'.  Are you ready for the million dollar answer (as if you couldn't guess by now):  His response (quoted) "Humprh.  Would you look at that.  Everything looks normal, in fact BETTER than normal.  Well....I wasn't really expecting that."  Really?  I was.  Okay, maybe not for certain, but it fits in with the way most of the other doctor's appointments go....and I could've told you that for about $25,000 cheaper.  He types on his computer for the next 8 hours...clickety-clack...clack...clack...clicket- clickety-clickety-clack....."Hrmph. Yep, there's your graph."  Thanks for showing me that, doc...as if I can make heads or tails of it....wait, yes, now I see....the lines are forming words....t.h..i..s....d..o..c..t.o..r....i.s....a..."As you can see," yes, I see clearly now..."everything looks just fine.   Well, I'm going to put you on this medicine anyway.  I was going to put you on it if your cratamakglfoikin counts were high, but they're just great.  Perfect, in fact.  But, let's go ahead and try this medication out anyway and see if it gets rid of any stones (oh yeah, and I'm getting a HUUUUGE vacation from the drug company for pushing this particular medication).  When would you like to come back?"  How about the day after Hell freezes over, doc?  Or when I feel like flushing another $25 bucks down the toilet......or perhaps when I feel like the 12 drugs a day that I'm taking are CLEARLY not enough for me, in fact, I ENJOY spending more on my meds each month than my family's entire grocery bill.  "3 months okay?  Go ahead and get some more blood work and another round of KUB's and sonogram before your next appointment.  Then we'll see where we're at."  I know exactly where I'll be.  On the brink of insanity, glowing from radiation, where I've been for a while now....

The fourth time is just as charming

Well, our not-so-little girl just had her hair cut for the FOURTH time for locks of love. She has now donated over 52 inches of her beautiful curly red hair. She's suffering a little more from this one, but I don't think EITHER of us will miss the morning detangling issue- matts, ratts and all!

Ava saw how pampered Kate was getting and wanted to know when SHE would get to sit in one of 'those' chairs. (poor deprived child has always had Mom or Grandma cut her hair- at home! **collective gasp**) I told her that if she let her hair grow out until it was long enough, she could donate her hair to locks of love (because I'm certainly not going to shell out $35 for a haircut that I can do for free).

Hope you enjoy the pictures. She's beautiful inside and out.

(The pictures show the before and after of cuts # 1, 3, and 4. We only have an after of cut #2 (forgot to bring the camera! oops!)

How Joey turned into 4 Girls

Well, Scott and I knew this time was coming. I guess we just didn't prepare for it well enough.

Enoch came home from either church or Wednesday night activity and went right to work cleaning up his room, doing his Zone chores, being NICE...so, obviously, I realize he wants something. Turns out Joey invited him to see a movie this weekend, Friday to be exact. I told him I didn't mind as long as his chores were done and his talk was written for Sunday (he's speaking in Sacrament Meeting on the Atonement). Friday night rolled around, and everything was up to snuff...even snuffier than I required. So, after dinner I logged on to facebook, as I usually do, and see that there's another young lady from our church that's looking forward to going to the movies, as well. Coincident? I think NOT. I asked her where and what time, and of course, it's the same time and place that Enoch is going.

I turn to Enoch.."So, who's all going to see this movie?"

Enoch..."Ummmm..Joey just invited me....and (seeing who I'm talking to on facebook) maybe some other "kids" from church" --no eye contact, btw

Me: "And who would these other "people" be?"

Enoch: shifting from foot to foot...(y'know the pee-pee dance way)

Me: "How about ***** and *****" (some girls he may or may not have a crush on, names will remain nameless)

Enoch: "Oh, yeah. Well, uh, I guess...maybe....I don't exactly know who Joey invited."

Me: "Why don't you get on that little thing over there we call the telephone and find out who will all be there."

Enoch: "Uhhhh...do you have Joey's cell phone number" ....as if....

Me: "nope, but here's his Dad's cell phone, give him a call. Daddy and I decided that for this not to be a 'date' of any kind, there must be an adult present."

Enoch: "oooh. uhhhh. okay. ummmmmmm.."

Enoch finally got ahold of Joey, who informed him that his Dad, would indeed, be joining them. Good thing, too. Turns out that 'going to the movies with Joey' was 'going to the movies with 4 girls...oh yeah..and Joey'.


If this wouldn't have been such an amusing exchange (with Kate cheering Enoch on the whole time), I would have been more angry at him for purposely misleading us. As it turns out, it's just more fuel for my blogging fire.

Sodom and Gomorrah Towing Service

Well, we raided the "Wyoming Vacation" penny jar to get our poor van out of hock. (At this rate, poor Scott will never get to enjoy a family vacation in Yellowstone.)

Sean (Star's fiancee) and I went to pick up my little white van from the tow service the kind police officer referred to as: "honest" and "has a great reputation". I will kindly refer to them hereafter as "Sodom and Gomorrah Towing).

As the "Guy" is writing out my paperwork, he's telling us about a time he was leaving a bar and his tags had expired, "Now, THAT'S not a time you want to be pulled over- Ha! Ha!"...okay, there goes the honest part...then I hand him the money in nothing but $5's and $1's and apologized telling him that we had to raid the penny jar. He tells us, "That's okay, I had a girl come in and pay a $245 fine in mostly dollar bills- you know what she does for a living!" My blank stare must have clued him in to the fact that I, indeed, had no idea what he was talking about. "You know, she was a waitress..." okay, that made sense to me..."One of those SPECIAL waitresses! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah, I recognized her!" I'll bet you did. A good portion of those dollar bills were probably even yours. So, that shot the whole "reputation" down the drain as well. Not that he didn't have a reputation, mind you, just not a "great" one.

So, that's the icing on the cake. I have no doubt that some of those dollar bills end up back in the hands of my very 'sorry' policeman. Who now looks even sorrier than ever!

A Sorry Policeman

Could the day have been worse? Yes. But it was bad enough. Got pulled over because our tags are 9 days overdue. The nice policeman told me he was 'sorry', but they would have to impound the car. (Of course this is happening right after one doctor's appointment, and right on the way to a second one). As soon as he mentioned 'impound' I started to cry. "Oh, don't cry ma'am. I'm really sorry about this. It's not that bad." Of course, as soon as Kate heard I was crying, she started her waterworks and Enoch's all tearing up- I'm sure we're quite the motley crew. When the policeman went back to his car Enoch reached over (he was in the front seat next to me) and embraced me in a wonderful sincere hug! He even patted my back, and held on! Not one of those 'quicky hugs' I get at bedtime! (Almost made the entire day worth it-just for that show of affection from my 14 yr old tough guy) The policeman came back, and since this was only a few blocks from the BMV I asked if the kids and I could go over to the BMV to renew the tags. Gratefully, he said 'yes'. So we trudge over to the BMV (if he was REALLY sorry he should have given us a ride) only to find it...CLOSED on MONDAY. We call Daddy to tell him to meet us at the van. While walking back I realize- SCOTT'S TAGS HAVE EXPIRED AS WELL!! I'm pretty certain the policeman would be equally 'sorry' to have to impound his car as well. Luckily, I cut him off in the parking lot and warned him. So, instead of just tags, now we get to pay $165 for a ticket, impound fee and towing fee (which we'll find out as soon as we can afford to pay the 1-tags for both vehicles, 2-impound/tow fee, & 3-$165 ticket). Of course it comes during a month where we have to pay for 2 camps, gas for temple trip and youth conference, and various other expenses. Oh, and to boot, this prevents me from selling my used books at tomorrow's book sale (hoping to use the proceeds for the previous). Calgon?

Overheard Remarks

If you were in the Dupont Rd Goodwill store today, this is what you might have overheard in one of the dressing rooms:

(K)ate: I don't know. It doesn't look very immodest.

(A)melia: Yeah, it covers too much. Let's try that one on, it looks a lot trampier.

(M)om/Me: Your right, I think it's tight enough, but it covers waaaay too much. Try this on, it looks pretty sleazy.

K: That's pretty good- she's popping out of the top of it.

M: Yeah, but I don't think it's short enough, look- it almost comes to her knees. Try this other one on. It's all lacey and doesn't have a back on it. Let me run out and see if I can find some really inappropriate swimsuits that won't fit you.

A: This might work, it's really tight and looks REALLY unattractive. Grandpa would die if he even saw this hanging on the hanger.

K: Yeah, but it's not very flashy. Look, there aren't even any sequins or glitter or lace or anything really good.

M: Okay, I'm back. I found these two bikini tops and these little...I think they're skirts...or maybe hankies, I'm not sure...but you can wear them as a really immodest skirt...it should look good.

M: How about this one?

K and M: Naaaah.

M: That's immodest, but but you could almost wear a shirt under it and no one would even notice how sleazy it was. Here Kate, go hang these back up.

K: I'm not TOUCHING those things. What if someone sees me holding them? There are BOYS out there, you know. What if the Stake President were out there?

A: Just tell him that these clothes weren't immodest enough for camp, and we're trying to 'raise the bar' along with the hemline! Or maybe "raise the bar, lower the neckline" something like that.

M: Here, you picked this one out. Velvety stretchy material- very eye-catching *CHECK*....VEEERRRRRY short skirt *CHECK......Extreeemly low cut *CHECK*....waaay to tight to breathe in *CHECK.....Hey!! It's even backless!! A BONUS CHECK!! I think we've found ourselves a winner girls!!!

K: I really don't have to hang these back up again, do I?


Here's the 'behind the story' story:

For our skit for girls camp this year, Amelia is going to be portraying someone with 'less than ideal' worldly standards. She will be wearing her bright salmon colored camp shirt and jeans on UNDER this very immodest dress. The girls had a blast shopping for "immodest" clothes as a way to make fun of the worldly styles. Kate, as you could tell, couldn't even handle the 'appearance' of evil.

I'll try to post the camp skit at the end of this month! (and a picture of the "notoriously sleazy outfit" (which will end up in our burn barrel at the end of camp.

Some Crappy Dough

Last year (right before Christmas time) we decided to make some of our favorite "Christmas Cookies"- Pfefferneuse or Peppernuts. We put a bunch of dough, roll them out snake-style and chop off little pieces. They turn out like little mini marshmellow sized cookies that you pop in your mouth by the handful. Well, we had apparently been sniffing the pepper in the dough too long, because the dough started to change appearance..to us at least. That's when Enoch sculpted the 'pile' you see in the above picture. Daddy wasn't home yet, and knowing what a "fan" (NOT) he is of dogs anyway, we decided to play a practical joke on him. Enoch took his giant sculpted mound of dog poop and placed it carefully on Daddy's pillow. Oh, yes, his pillow. We put some cleaner with a bunch of wadded up paper towels all around so it looked liked the kids had tried cleaning it. Then we (impatiently) waitied- Kate poised behind the dirty laundry basket ready to videotape. Unfortunately, all of us awaiting Daddy's arrival and his huge welcome home (along with Ava trying to tug him into the bedroom) kind of gave us away. But, it was a fun evening nonetheless!

Boredom at our house is NEVER an option!