Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

"Another Year Older and Wiser, too, Happy Mother's Day- to YOU!"

Well, another year, and I've made it. Still have every child alive and breathing. If nothing else THAT is cause for celebrating and giving thanks to me. Okay, so maybe Scott helped keep them alive a little. So, on to our Mother's Day story of this year-

I am writing this carefully, knowing that my sweet eternal companion will be reading this and I don't want to offend him (any more than I have and constantly do). So, I will tell this story full of compassion and love, knowing that a husband's idea of shopping/planning for Mother's Day and a woman's/Mom's idea are two very different ideas.

We went to the grocery store last week where I saw a bunch of flowering plants for sale for 50 cents each:

My thought: "Boy, these are sure nice. They would make a very nice, inexpensive gift for the Mom's at church this Mother's Day. Since Scott's responsible for them (at least that's what I assume since he was in charge last year) now would be a great time to pick them up" I say: "Wow! Look how cheap these flowers are! They would be perfect for Mother's Day!"

Scott's thought: (Now I can't be certain, but this is my best guess)" It's 9:00am right now, if we can hurry I can be back home in time for 'Car Talk' by 10:00" He said "Huh?"

My thought: "He just needs a little reminding, then he'll see that I'm trying to save him time and money by getting the flowers early and cheap. Then he'll be able to relax and not have to worry about getting things together at the last minute." So, I say: "Why don't you pick these up for Mother's Day next Sunday?"

Scott's thought: (Again, purely speculation): "Why are we looking at flowers? What a mess that would make? Why would I buy flowers when no one has told me I'm in charge this year? Just because I'm in charge last year doesn't mean anything. If they call and tell me I'm in charge, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." He says: "No one's told me I'm in charge. I'm not going to worry about it right now"

My thoughts: (I will 'cliff-notes' this for you): "Elder's Quorom is in charge every year, you, as EQ Pres, are therefore in charge. Take a step and call to find out, then you can get them now and not have to worry about them later. Not only will YOU not have to worry about them later, I won't have to listen to you freaking out at the last minute trying to find something and running all over town (when there are clearly, more important things to do- like helping me clean the house) trying to find something that will work, and then spend much more money than necessary. On top of that, we're here, they're cheap- sounds like an obvious sign from God- CAN'T YOU TELL!!! I AM RIGHT, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, I KNOW WHAT'S BEST, I KNOW HOW IT SHOULD HAPPEN AND WHEN IT SHOULD HAPPEN!!! WHY DON'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME ONCE IN A WHILE AND ADMIT THAT?!! -I had to be careful walking around so my head wouldn't pop open, I evidently thought so highly of myself- I say: "Why don't you call and find out if you're in charge this year" (as blood trickles down my cheek from biting my tongue so hard)

Scott's thought: "Less chat, more movement! Car Talk starts in 57 minutes!! CALL someone? Please tell me she's kidding. Do I look like a kid that doesn't know how to take care of myself. Okay, if it will get her to stop nagging and get her to move along, but I'm PRAYING no one's home." He says: " ". Nothing, just dials the phone. God answers prayers, and no one is home. "I'll try later."

End of discussion.

At least on Scott's part. I continue the conversation in my mind for about 15 more minutes wasting valuable time I could be forming more meaningful complete thoughts.

We made it home in time for Car Talk. Prayer number two answered for Scott. Who's side is He on, anyway?

Skip forward a little while and Scott and I are out on a date, where we are looking at flowers for- guess what? Mother's Day. I could have thought of a few more ways I would have liked to spend our date, but any time with him WITHOUT the kids is still considered quality date time. It got us to thinking, if he was able to get something for Mother's Day that would offend just enough people, maybe they would take away his 'Mother's Day Gift Buying' privelege. Which is just what he's hoping for. I will share some of the things we thought of. Word of caution: Some of the following items may be offensive to some people, proceed at your own personal risk:

-KY -and no, I don't mean Kentucky. This was my suggestion, and we even found small inexpensive little trial packets.

-lip wax. What Mother couldn't USE this. Sure, flowers are nice, but they do nothing for that late-in-life lack of estrogen.

-cactus. Let's face it, it's probably the only flower most of us won't kill.

-edible underwear. Quit your groaning, it's only fruit roll-ups, so age wouldn't even matter, everyone could enjoy it.

-a pinata filled with several of the above, as well as the various potted plants for those who want the "old standbye". Give the stick to the oldest person and let 'em whallop away. A good swing for each of the ladies, and they get a little of their venting out as well as some excercise and a treat!

So what ended up happening, you ask?

Scott found a beautiful assortment of flowers (at a fabulous price!), which I helped him wrap up at 11:30 pm Saturday night. He managed to make every Mother happy, and he didn't need a bit of my help. Sorry, Scott- sometimes, it's just hard to switch from "Mother" mode to "Wife" mode. Forgive me for those times I crossover.

And to my own Mom, who taught me the greatest role I will ever fill in my lifetime will have very few worldly rewards and the most extravagent eternal ones- Thank You will never be enough, so I will raise my children the best I can, and instill in them the values and faith you have passed on to me. I love you Mom.