Monday, August 30, 2010

I'm Feeling A Bit Lighter Already...

Okay, everyone remember that lovely ticket "situation" that happened a few months ago.  Well, I finally decided I would put down the last of the three payments (first one to the tow company, second for the overdue tags, third for the actual ticket itself).  What REALLY motivated me was a little card I received in the mail a week ago saying that my licence would be suspended beginning September 1st if I didn't cough up $154.  If you noticed, I received that card a week ago.  I took me this long to decide if I REEEEALLY wanted my license back.  I was kind of looking forward to a "forced" break from being everyone's cabbie!  I finally decided that it would just be entirely too cruel to Scott to take on all of the driving, and would break his bank account instead of his spirit, so I went and paid the ticket.  Here is what I find tremendously humorous; They broke my ticket down into 16 DIFFERENT CATEGORIES of where the money was going to!!  They ranged from $38.50 (for the "State Share") down to $.50 (for "Highway Worksite Fees")!  And, just for the plain fun of it, let me share with you the other break-downs (and my interpretations thereof):
  • Automated Record Keeping Fee- $7.00; This is the cost for turning the computer on.
  • City/Town Share- $17.50; This is the amount that is split between the city councilmen depending on who wins the Fantasy Football League this season
  • County Share- $14.00; This is for the councilmen who don't play FFL- it goes straight towards their end-of-the-year "didn't get caught with a prostitute this year" party
  • Court Administration Fee- $5.00; This is for the lady who signed the receipt.  She deserves a good lunch from McDonalds.
  • DNA Sample Processing Fee- $2.00; Either I have mothered children I am not aware of, or I am paying to figure out who fathered half the town of Butler.
  • Document Storage Fee- $2.00; Since hard copies are no longer kept, this would be an additional fee for pressing the POWER button on the computer.  Or this cost goes towards purchasing their garbage bins.
  • Highway Worksite Fees- $.50; This amount is quite reflective in how well they take care of the Highways and those who work on them.
  • Infraction Judgements- $14.50; This is the ACTUAL PENALTY for me being late on my tags. 
  • Judicial Insurance Adjustment Fee- $1.00; This is to help offset the hike in the courts insurance fees when they realized how many of them actually drink and drive.
  • Judicial Salaries Fee- City- $4.50; This is the portion of the city judges salary I promised to pay by breaking the law.  Apparently if we all obeyed the laws, our judges would never get paid.
  • Judicial Salaries Fee- State- $13.50; Same as above, the State judges just think more highly of themselves.
  • Jury Fee- $2.00; The amount I pay to help hardened criminals get off scott-free because most of the jury is composed of people who think this is "good money"
  • Late Payment Fee- $25.00; The amount of money I had to pay because I didn't have enough money to pay to get my tags renewed, which then cost me extra money in towing fees, which meant taking food out of my children's mouths and straight into the...
  • Law Enforcement Continuing Education- $4.00; Because it's not enough just to know your ABC's anymore, now they want them to know which end of the gun to point at a suspect.  (This money actually helps to offset the cover charge of the officers to get into all of the off-campus parties).
  • Public Defense Administration Fee- $3.00; This purchases gum for the Public Defenders to chomp on while the judge pounds out "GUILTY" for their clients.
  • State Share- $38.50; If I'm reading this correctly, they should be handing some of this BACK to does say SHARE after all.
And there it is.  All $154 broken down.  Sad, isn't it?

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