Saturday, December 21, 2013

Christmas Vermin

      I'm up waaaaay too early when I see the dog and cat go up to a dark pile of...something (the lights were off, couldn't make out what it is) sniffing around lazily.  I assume an animal barfed and I'll have to clean it up. Look up a minute later and the pile's not there.  But, the cat is pacing around the box in the corner. You've got to be kidding me.  I turn on a dim light and move the box, but don't see anything.  Except, now the cat is pacing around the corner where another box is, obviously hunting.... something.  I turn on the light, get on a chair (please note at this point I was still kind enough NOT to wake my hubby) and move the box.  Oh yeah, it's a mouse.  Slowly JAUNTING LAZILY across my dining room floor while the cat watches on with little interest.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! We OBVIOUSLY feed our cats WAY too much, something I plan on rectifying IMMEDIATELY.  The mouse has meandered under the dog dishes now, and I'm not doing this on my own- the animals are no help, either, so I get Scott up.  
     " A mouse." I say. 
     "Huh"- his reply.
     "A mouse. A MOUSE. We have A MOUSE in the dining room.  A MOUSE." Where the heck is his sense of urgency?
     "Okay. Get the cats." he groggily replies.
     "I did. They aren't doing anything but watch it."
     "Well, what do you want me to do?" he says trying as hard as he can not to wake up.  Let's see, I'd like to to pet it, sing to it, maybe dress it up in barbie clothes-
     "CATCH IT!" I reply, to the point of frustration.
      He stumbles out of bed and stands at the dining room entrance while I lift up the dog bowl the mouse is under. 
     "If he comes that way catch it...or at least stop it."
     "With what?" I'm feeling the whole "bat in the house" thing coming back. 
     "WHATEVER! Here's a tub lid!" I prop up a tub lid as he just stands and watches.  Honestly, the baby in my womb is being just about as much help.  At least HE'S kicking me, cheering me on, I believe.
     "URGH!" I grab a bucket myself, knowing that I'm our last choice for catching this vermin and slowly lift the other dog dish the mouse is hiding under.  The mouse just stands there.  The cats just stand there, squinting at me as they blink slowly, as if to say "Problem?".  I set the bucket on top of the mouse and look back at Scott. 
     "Okay. Got him. What are we going to do?" Proud of myself, expecting him to take over now.   
     "Okay, well,  I'm going back to bed." He says. 
    "So, we're just going to leave the mouse there?" It's 6am, not 2 in the morning.
    "Yep." he says and retreats to the bedroom. 
      I grab Kayte's giant "Messed-up Bulletin" binder that's heavy enough for the mouse not to be able to move and set it on top of the bucket.  The cat's head over to their food bowl.  As if.  I have safely stored their food bowl on top of the fridge until I can forgive them of this "indiscretion".  Then, as an after thought (picturing the curiosity getting the best of my children) include a note on top that says: "DO NOT MOVE! There is a mouse under here (and don't fool yourself into thinking the cats will take care of it- THEY WON'T- we already tried!) Stupid cats." Interested to see how long it takes Scott to "take care of it" this morning.

No comments: