Drowning

Here's the deal. Sinus infections are becoming the number one killer of comfort in our home right now, that's what lead me to make the drastic decision you are about to read about. WARNING: If you are any bit squeemish, don't continue reading


There are a few things in life that make my stomache do little icky-flips, one is the P*** word that refers to the white part of infection (yep, stomache just did it and I didn't even type the word), another is the sucking thing at the dentists office (my children WILL know of the sacrifices I made just to stay by their side during those moments they spent in the chair, and I spent trying not to hurl), and the third is sticking, spraying, poking, or putting ANYTHING into one's nose. I'm not sure if it started when Aidan had to have the tube up his nose, or when I actually had to do it for him, or it's something that happened at a much younger age that I chose to block out. I DO know that it was renewed with a passion when I witnessed a lady during one of our CHURCH MEETINGS stick a nasal spray up her nose and blast away. I took a running stumble out the door to save myself (and the janitor) any further embarassment.

That little history being said, I spoke with my Mom2, and she told me about a possible solution to our sinus issues. (Had I seen what was coming, I would have stopped her right here). She said they make these (okay, my nose is hurting already), little POTS where you put warm water in, you tilt your head (okay, gagging now) and pour it INTO YOUR NOSE. (I can reel it rising now). THERE'S MORE!!! It doesn't just run INTO your nose, IT COMES OUT THE OTHER SIDE!!! (Must take a break. Be back after some fresh air.)

Okay. There are a few things that I never could, nor would want to, picture my Mom2 doing. One is burping for a prolonged period of time, two is passing noisy, smelly gas, and three STICKING SOMETHING UP HER NOSE AND HAVING IT COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE.
(another break)

Back again. So, Scott comes home last week after being diagnosed from the doctor with a serious sinus infection and pinkeye. I went and got him all of his good little drugs from the store, then remember what his Mom had told me about flushing her brains/sinuses/eyeballs out. They didn't have any little "teapots" but they did have this spray bottle, so you don't have to tilt your head. (I can see now I won't be having breakfast this morning). I let him us it in private, and wanted to know nothing about it....until a few days later when my sinuses were so bad I thought I would have to stick chopsticks in my facial oracles to dig out the crud. I asked Scott how it had gone (had to stop him a few times to catch my breath). He said it was a little 'strange', etc., etc. So I decided to try it. What an idiot.

I closed the door to the bathroom and approached the innocent-enough looking bottle (the great deceiver). I filled the water and added the little packet of "magic dust". I spent a few moments bent over the toilet, then regained my composure. I stuck it up my nose....then took it down again. WHAT AM I DOING?! Perhaps if I were going to win $1 million on Fear Factor or something!....Then, I just did it before I could think about it. Stuck it right up there and sprayed my heart out.

Stop reading if your wretching. I know I am. In fact, I'm not even going to bother to go back and spell check this, writing it is enough.

#1 You know that feeling when you go off the high board into the swimming pool and breathe up your nose as hard as you can as soon as you hit the water? If not, try to imagine. That's what it felt like.

#2 You can actually trace the path of the water, up your nose, through your eyeballs, into your ears, up over your brain. I'm not sure if I was crying because of the incident or because the water was leaking out of my eyeballs.

#3 It goes down the back of your throat (wretch.)

#4 It almost immediately starts pouring out of the other side of your nose. This should be the ultimate 'do I want to marry this person' test- having to watch the love of your life do this.

#5 NOTHING CAME OUT!!! Not a single green dollop, yellowish stringy stuff- NOTHING!!!

#6 After you think you're all done, like an hour later, you bend over to pick something up and another cup and a half of water will pour out of your nose with NO WARNING WHATSOEVER. Note: If you are single, this would not be a good thing to happen during a date. If you're married, this would be hilarious, and great material to use later in life.

#7 When you lay down, the other cup that didn't find it's way out your nose, will run down the back of your throat, essentially trying to drown you. Or make you throw up. Or both.

So, if this doesn't sound like it's for you, I would recommend the chopsticks.